Author: Tiina

Song: my, my, my by Rob Thomas

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Through EoT excerpts

POV: Ranger

Beyond This Life

I sat in her parking lot, waiting. For what, I wasn't sure. I'd heard she already lost her 'normal' job today. Her first day. I smiled thinking about it. She wasn't meant for normal, she was meant for extraordinary. Needing to see her, I locked up the truck and headed up to her apartment.

The light from the window is fading

You turn on the night

The sound from the avenue's calling you

Open your eyes

I let myself in, surprised that the apartment was dark and quiet. She'd always been more a night person, and the sun hadn't been down long. Then again, she could sleep anytime. I stood in her bedroom doorway, watching her. Her sleep was restless. I wondered what she really wanted. This new job...

And when you find

You're spending your time

Wanting for words

But never speak

You tell yourself

That the things you need come slow

But inside you just don't know

I should have paid closer attention. She was giving up, and giving in. I didn't understand it. Everything her mother and Morelli wanted, she was suddenly trying to give them. If I thought this was what she really wanted, I'd wish her well and walk away. But the light had been fading from her eyes for a while now. Now this... I wish she trusted me enough to confide in me.

My, my, my

Let your bright light shine

Let your words live on

Far beyond this life

Beyond this life

I tried to imagine what she was feeling. She'd been kidnapped more than once. Shot more than once. Killed a man, more than once. None of it made her give up. She'd always seemed to want a life beyond what the 'Burg offered. Even getting captured by the Slayers didn't make her give up. Why now? I thought about the note I'd seen on her pillow yesterday, and the fact that someone had apparently shot at her.

Hold on to anything

Everything's over and done

Has the fear taken over you

Tell me

Is that what you want

To make up your life

Maybe I should have taken my Henry Higgins role more seriously. She had very little confidence in her own abilities. I should have taught her how to protect herself better. I should have done a lot of things better. It might be too late. No, I couldn't believe that. 'Normal' will never make her happy.

Time after time

You're falling behind

Hold on to me

Never leave

Forever be what you mean to me right now

Don't you feel better now

Now what? She did need a job, and she'd feel safe working in the Rangeman building. No, she wasn't ready for that...yet. I'd already offered her my help with the latest stalker. She'd said not yet. I'd have to give her the time and space to pick her own path, and hope like hell it led her back to me. If it did, this time it would be different. I would make it different. I would be different.

Don't you feel better now

My, my, my

How your bright light shines

Let your words live on

Far beyond this life

She started to thrash a little, whimpering in her sleep. My heart ached. I hadn't seen it, but obviously she's having more trouble than I thought. I stepped toward her, and pushed the hair back from her forehead. "Shh, querida. It's okay." She quieted immediately. Yes, this woman was definitely worth waiting for.

Does your wild, wild heart

Weigh you down sometimes

Well my, my, my

It's the cost

Of living this life