VOLTRON FanFic:Peeps
This is just a little "off the head" spoof about those
little marshmellow candies I keep seeing and not resisting and our intrepid
heroes of Voltron.
Keith had recently returned to the Castle of Lions from a long flight to an Alliance meeting back on Earth. While he hated such meetings and being away from Arus and the team, he did take to fulfilling a craving or two he'd get for some Terran food.
After checking in with Coran at Castle Control, Keith made his way to the rec room where he knew all the others would be relaxing. They never worked when he was away. It seemed to be an unspoken rule that if their commander is gone, it's a free day or days off.
He entered the room to a bunch of gleaming eyes. For a moment he was wondering if he was going to be greeted like how a dog greets its master. It was a rather strange feeling. He shook it off.
"Uh, hiya Keith! How was the trip?"
"I'm glad to be back here, Lance."
"Uhm, let me rephrase that. How was the TRIP?"
"Let's see...at every stop, I slept with three girls, got drunk, and nursed a hang-over to the next one."
"Cool! When can I join ya?!"
"Ha ha. You know Lance that Alliance meetings are worse than scrubbing floors in the Academy bathrooms!"
"Okay fine." Lance said as his eyes drifted to the paper sack Keith was holding. "So what'd you bring us?"
"Why should I bring you anything?"
"Cause you love us and need to kiss up to us so we'll obey your every order to the letter?"
"You're not worth it Lance."
"I'm hurt!"
"No you're not." Keith chuckled while nudging by his friend and stretching out completely on the vacant sofa and propped his book open. Allura and Pidge stared at him as Hunk and Lance continued to stare at the bag.
"Hey buddy, what's in the sack?" Hunk asked, his anticipation for food overwhelming him.
"No ladies for Lance, that's for sure."
"I heard that Keith! Aren't you just a bundle of puns. No really, whatchya got?"
"Okay...obviously I'm NOT going to get past sentence one without interruption so may as well satisfy your nosy urges. Well, with the Earth holiday Easter fast approaching I noticed some tempting little candies in EVERY store I walked into." he said as he pulled out the bags contents. "They call these marshmellow deformed birds, 'peeps.'" he continued mostly explaining to a very fascinated Princess Allura.
"PEEPS!" Hunk, Lance, and Pidge exclaimed joyously in unison. Allura stared in bewilderment.
Opening a package, Keith offered a little pink Peep to the princess. "It's a rather addictive candy on our home planet. Kids, and adults, consume vast numbers of these things. I grew up anticipating these things each and every year. Even at the Academy, I'd sneak out to the
local store to acquire some with money I earned by doing odd jobs for officers.
"Thank you Keith" she replied while looking over the sugary creature. "What kind of bird are peeps supposed to be?"
"A nonexistent one, but it's supposed to resemble a chick."
Lance's mouth opened, but before he could slide a jibe in, Keith continued quickly noting his friend's comical intent.
"Not human chicks, Mr.I-wish-I-get-laid-but-I'm-too-busy-wisecracking . Chicken chicks."
Allura bit into the peep, head first.
"Well, that one had a quick death." Lance joked.
"MMmmmm...these are delicious!"
"Where's ours Keith?" Pidge asked sweetly.
Keith handed one to Pidge,then hesitantly offered one to Hunk.
"Keith, there's no fat in marshmellows!" Hunk mentioned as he snatched the peep before Keith could even think to reconsider.
Lance sauntered over to his friend and commander. "So, my buddy, my friend...where's my peep?"
"Lance, you can't handle a peep!"
"Awww...c'mon please? Just one. I only need one."
"The last time you had a peep you ended up eating the entire flock before we even reached the cash register. I had to pay for all those empty packages before we left the store!"
"But I'm not in a store now. The peeps are already bought. Okay, how much for a peep?"
"No. I don't trust your control abilities."
"Just one peep. I'll do ya for one?"
"I'm fine Lance. I honestly don't think I'd enjoy it."
Meanwhile Keith passed another peep to Allura, Pidge, and Hunk and ate one himself. Lance began drooling like a dog at steak.
"C'mon! Have a heart!"
"I do. I'm saving these endangered species from one who has lack of control with them."
"So sign me up for Peeps Anonymous! I gotta have a peep!"
"No."
"I'll do all your chores?"
"Lance, you don't even know HALF of my chores."
"I could find out."
"No."
Frustrated, Lance threw himself onto the floor and pouted. The others began to pity him.
"Maybe you should give him just one Keith?" Hunk mentioned.
Lance tried his best impression of sad puppy dog eyes.
"Hmmm...Lance, boy, rollover." Keith replied, holding a peep in the air.
Lance did.
"Play dead."
Lance did.
"Bark and beg."
Lance did.
"Good gracious you ARE desparate for one of these! I always knew you were a dog though."
Lance licked his lips in anticipation of the earned peep.
Keith thought about it. "You can have ONE peep on one condition..."
"Yeah?! Sure! Just name it!"
"You cannot hit on a single female for the next three months."
"THAT's NOT FAIR!"
"Take it or leave it."
"Ok. I take it." he reluctantly replied as he snatched the slowly offered peep and wolfed it down faster than lightspeed. He suddenly realized that it was over all to fast. He wanted another.
"No. A deal's a deal." Keith replied as sternly as possible, but failing into a chuckle.
Keith gave Allura the precious remaining peeps to distribute to the two little orphans entrusted to the castle until homes could be found.
The next three months proved interesting. Lance held true to his word and did not hit on a single female. The male guards on the other hand were constantly watching their backsides.
End.