Summary:How can Riley make the world her own when everyone else seems to be deciding how she should feel? A look inside Riley's head, based on spoilers for Yearbook and Semi-Formal. ~8000 words.
Disclaimer: I haven't actually been able to get the links to Yearbook to work, so this is all based on spoilers and analysis in the tags. I've seen Yearbooknow, but this was written largely before I had seen it so really only focuses on the scenes I found on Instagram beforehand. This story will end up being Rucas, so read at your own risk.
Riley loves yearbook season. She loves making sure that she's not the only one who looks a little bit dorky in her picture, she loves reliving all the memories of another great year with her friends, and she loves seeing the class superlatives.
This year's even better, because as eighth graders, there are way more categories voted on for her and her friends. She's sure Maya will get class clown, and Farkle will get most likely to succeed, Lucas will get voted cutest boy in class, and Riley will get… something. Life is predictable, just like it always is, and Riley's excited for the yearbooks to come out.
At least, she's excited until she isn't anymore. She opens the pages and tears through it, eagerly looking at everything, and when she finally sees her name, it's most likely to die from smiling. Riley narrows her eyes in confusion, but states aloud that it doesn't matter what people think. Everyone has to die eventually, and dying smiling is a good way to go, right?
Farkle's not so happy about his, though. Riley decides to keep her head held high, but she watches in shock as he changes his entire look right before their eyes. She walks into class behind her friends, still clutching her yearbook to her chest and wondering what will happen next.
Someone in the back of the room brings it up first. "Hey Lucas, Maya, congrats on best couple!" Or….something like that. Riley's too shocked at the words to really remember. It must be some sort of mistake — she and Farkle made the yearbooks, how could they have missed something like that? Riley flips through the pages urgently, and when she stops on best couple, she feels her heart drop into her stomach.
Lucas… and Maya.
Okay, so Riley and Lucas aren't dating, but they're sort of a thing, aren't they? She knows they tried to go out and it just felt too much like they were doing it because people expected it from them, and not because the timing was right. They're still so young, and her parents didn't start dating officially until later on either, right? She just wants to enjoy spending time with her friends without any pressure, but she still thought there was an unspoken understanding that someday, when they're ready, she and Lucas will be together.
So then why do people think he's a couple with her best friend?
"That's insane," she tells the class, looking between Lucas and Maya, then back to Lucas again. "I mean, we're so alike."
"And they're so different!" someone says, sounding starstruck. Riley doesn't pay attention to who it is; she feels a little bit sick, and she almost can't see straight. Riley thought people liked her just the way she is, but it seems like they think she's just second best to Maya… Like always.
Riley loves her best friend, but she knows Maya's the more popular one. She's outgoing, she's confident, she's not afraid to say what's on her mind and to do what she wants, when she wants. Maya's amazing, and she's the best person Riley knows, but…but Lucas is her special thing. Lucas is the boy that makes Riley feel butterflies in her stomach when he smiles at her, the boy that makes her daydream about having the kind of love her parents have, the boy she dreams about when she falls asleep at night.
And people think he's better off without her.
Riley knows she's not supposed to care what they think, but it's hard not to let it affect her. Farkle's already changed himself, and maybe she should follow his lead. She'd promised herself she wouldn't react to the fact that people thought she was too happy and sunshiney, but how could she not react to this? Lucas was the first boy she'd ever really liked, and he liked her back, and that still wasn't good enough for the students of John Quincy Adams Middle School.Riley wasn't good enough for the students of John Quincy Adams Middle School.
"Daddy," Riley says firmly, not letting how hurt she really is show. "I'm going to react now."
She goes home that night and tosses and turns, thinking about what she can do to make people see that Lucas likes her, and that being similar isn't such a bad thing.
But Riley can't come up with any ideas to change their minds. They think Maya and Lucas are better — Maya and Lucas make more sense to them, for whatever weird reason, and Riley can't fight back the insecurities that are already there. They gnaw at her, make her doubt herself, and when Riley wakes up, she's changed her plan completely.
She's not going to make them realize that Riley and Lucas make more sense than Maya and Lucas. She's not going to prove that being Riley is good enough, and that being Riley is the best thing she could be. People don't seem to take her seriously that way, and she doesn't want to have to fight an uphill battle to get people to believe in her anymore.
She's just not going to be Riley anymore.
She wakes up, and she rummages through her mom's clothes, grabbing all the black items she can find, and she puts them on. If the people in her class don't think she's good enough for Lucas, if they think she's too sunshiney, then she's just going to be the opposite of everything they've grown to expect from her.
Riley pulls the shades of her bedroom closed and locks her window so Maya can't come in while she gets ready. She changes her hair, she changes her makeup, and when she's ready to go out the door, she looks like a stranger.
She's done this before; she had her Hirajuku girl phase back after the geek party, and before her friends changed her back, she kind of liked it. But then, she was being what people expected her to be. Now, Riley's a new, totally different Riley that defies all expectations.
Riley wants to shut everything out — the sun, her best friend, her family — but in the end ring power wins out, and Maya makes her way into her bedroom. Topping comes in, too, looking for her clothes.
Her mom stares at her in shock, and together she and Maya try to talk about all the things that make Riley happy — but all the cute animals in the world can't get Riley to back down this time. She would disappear all together if she could, but since her dad's the teacher, it's pretty hard to violate the attendance police.
Her dad seems confused by everything going on, too, and like he wants to fix it, but Riley doesn't stop to talk to him. She just walks out the door and goes to school.
People stare at her when she walks into the classroom, and Riley flips her hair over her shoulder and mutters some nonsense about how life is what people do between two nothings. Yesterday, she felt invisible — like people didn't care how their stupid votes were going to make her feel, like no one took her seriously or thought she was good enough. Today, she stands out.
Today, one of those sets of eyes on her is Lucas, and even though the yearbook has made her question everything about their not-relationship, it still makes her stomach do flips.
"Is this some kind of New York thing?" he asks her, and Riley just glares pointedly at him instead of giving him an explanation. She doesn't want to talk about what's going on, she just wants her fresh start and to be someone different.
Behind her, Farkle's in new clothes still, too. At least he understands the desire to change. At least he understands what it's like to want to prove everyone wrong.
Maya spends all day saying she wants her friends back, and she wants to fix things. Deep down, Riley doesn't think she can fix it. Even if it's not her fault, Maya being the one people see as more desirable, the one people see as being the right girl for the guy she wants. How can Maya make her feel better when inadvertently, Maya's the one that's made her feel bad?
Riley still loves Maya with all her heart, but she wishes that other people would love her as much as they love Maya. And maybe they do, but Riley's just too upset to see it right now. She's not good at art, she's not good at leading people into fun situations, she's not good at surviving out in the real world. The class doesn't need her, Lucas doesn't need her, maybe her family and Maya don't even need her.
People always say she's so sunshiney, but right now, Riley can't shake off the huge cloud that rolled in when the yearbooks did.
She goes home, folds her clothes neatly on her chair, and plans to wear them again tomorrow.
The next day, Riley takes her seat and hides her face behind her hair again. She only looks up when she hears someone say hi in an all too familiar shy, giggly voice. Riley's head snaps up, and she sees someone standing in front of her that looks exactly like she did two days ago.
"No!" Lucas yells at the classroom. "This is your solution, Maya?" he demands, clearly unimpressed. Riley lays her head back down on her desk and pretends that she's not paying attention, but really she's trying to hide the small smile on her face from her friend's outburst.
The class wears on, and people seem to be eating up Maya's whole 'Riley' act. Her best friend says she's doing it because if Riley won't be herself, someone has to be, and the other kids don't seem to care who's being Riley, as long as someone does.
Except Lucas. Riley thinks back to how he acted at the beginning of class, and she sneaks a peak at his annoyed glares throughout history, and Riley can't help but keep bite back another smile at his behavior. Maybe the rest of the class thinks she's replaceable, but Lucas… to Lucas, she might be something special after all.
But is she really? The insecurity creeps up again as the class dotes on Maya — they don't seem to care if it's her specifically, as long as someone's there to be their sunshine. Riley doesn't exactly get what Maya's going for, because her best friend would never try to make her feel bad on purpose by showing her she's replaceable, right? Maybe it's the class's fault and the lesson is just backfiring.
Riley tries to tune out the lesson because she's sure her dad's saying something inspirational about how people don't need to change because of peer pressure, but it's working for Farkle. And okay, maybe it's not working for her, and she doesn't actually feel happier, but she doesn't know where to go from here. She's an eighth grade girl, still trying to figure out who she is and how she fits into things, and everything she thought she knew just a few days ago doesn't seem so certain anymore.
Her dad gets interrupted, though. A side of Lucas that she rarely sees comes out, as he stands up and declares that it's Lucas time. Riley's felt his gaze on her, and she notices when it shifts to Maya and Farkle as he stares at them all incredulously. He's the only one in the group that hasn't undergone a drastic change in the past couple of days, and he starts telling them exactly why they all need to be themselves still.
She's too hurt by how the rest of the class is acting to really listen, but she does catch when he calls her a ray of sunshine. Riley just hopes that her heated cheeks don't give away the fact that even dressed all in black and trying to act like a feelingless robot, Lucas can still make her heart race with the tiniest of compliments.
Class is back to normal after Lucas sits down. Her dad calls on her, and Riley puts her head back down on her desk and ignores him. Then he calls on Farkle, and that doesn't work either. Riley's world's been turned upside down, and she successfully zones out until she realizes Maya's talking again, addressing the whole class in a Riley imitation so perfect that Riley doesn't think she ever needs to come back to being her old self — Maya's got it down.
Why Maya's turned around addressing Lucas, she doesn't know, but she tunes into the words her best friend is saying. She can ignore a lot of things, but Riley's never been able to ignore Maya. And if she's being totally honest… she's kind of curious to see if Lucas has decided Maya-Riley is just as good as Riley-Riley anyway. He was the first boy she'd ever liked, and he'd promised he was worth it. Maybe right now he could remind Riley that he still was.
"It's why I've liked you since I fell into your lap, that's why we should have been favorite couple, because we're so much alike, you know. It's like we're two sunshiney people from the same sunshiney family, that's why I like you so much, it's like you're my brother. Oh… It's like he's your…"
Riley's not sure she's heard Maya right, because since when has she ever thought of Lucas like a brother. "What?" she demands. Riley's suddenly interested in her surroundings for the first time in forty-eight hours. She's too curious about what Maya meant to feel sorry for herself.
"Woah" is all her best friend responds, in a dazed voice.
"What just happened?" Riley presses, because she swears she heard Maya say the words 'family' and 'brother', and if Maya thinks that's all Lucas is to her, then she's not sure Maya knows what family is. Sure, she doesn't have siblings of her own, but she's seen Riley and Auggie, and she's seen her dad and Josh, and how is the way her heart flutters and her face involuntarily twists into a smile and she hangs onto every word anything like what she does with a sibling? But Maya doesn't say anything. Instead, she seems fed up with acting like Riley, and she starts speaking passionately to the entire class.
"Nothing. Nothing happened. I don't want to be Riley anymore. Only you're riley, I'm maya. we don't care what you say, we're not crashing our ships. Come back! Come back right now!"
It's not like Riley brought a change of clothes to school. Even if she wanted to, she can't magically become her old self right now. She folds her arms over her chest and spends the rest of the afternoon wondering why Maya suddenly got so weird when she was talking about Riley's relationship with Lucas. Because if Maya didn't think they were good for each other anymore…did anyone?
When Maya shows up at their bay window that afternoon, Riley actually lets her in without needing to summon ring power. She's realizing that maybe the class doesn't need her, but her best friends do, and maybe that's enough. Maybe as long as Farkle and Maya and Lucas all appreciate her for exactly who she is, she doesn't need to stand out to the rest of them.
"Let's change you back, Riley," Maya begs, and she nods slowly. She still feels shaken up, she still feels like her whole world has been turned upside down, but Lucas still wants her to be sunshine, and Maya still thinks she's the best person they've got. And besides, someone needs to get Farkle back, and Riley can't help with that if she's being even weirder than he is.
She doesn't find the right words to say, and Maya urges her. "If you wanna listen to what people have to say, listen to the right people. Listen to me. I'm Maya."
Maya's been her best friend for as long as she can remember. They've always been able to talk to each other about everything, but Riley's scared to ask her the question that's been weighing on her mind all day. Does Maya not support her relationship with Lucas anymore? Does even Maya not think she's the right girl for him after all?
"Maya?" Riley asks, after she's finally smiled for the first time in days, It seems to put Maya at ease, and Riley thinks maybe she can ask.
"Yeah sunshine?"
She chickens out. Everyone's tried so hard to protect her from the world for so long, and she doesn't get why Maya's trying to protect her from this. She doesn't get why Maya doesn't just ask herself if Riley still has feelings for Lucas, or if they've shifted into something platonic or even — as grossas it seemed to Riley— brotherly. Riley's the one who should be deciding that, and shouldn't how badly she reacted to the yearbook thing be more proof that she still likes him?
Instead of asking directly, instead of calling her out on the fact that she'd tried to cover her tracks earlier, Riley just gives her a chance to come clean instead. "Your mom told you that you might find out a secret about me. Did you find out anything about me that maybe you should tell me?" Riley asks tentatively. Maya looks pensive, and that's when Riley knows for sure that she did hear what she thought she'd heard earlier.
Her best friend has a soft smile on her face as she whispers the words, "No." Riley wonders if Maya notices that her smile is a little bit forced, but she gets up to change back into her normal clothes so she can turn her back and wonder why her best friend's not just telling her what she thinks.
Things go back to normal — kind of. Farkle's got his new style still, but aside from that, he's still the same guy. Maya and Lucas don't act any couplier than usual. The class stops staring at all of them to see what's happening after the whole yearbook debacle. Riley feels mostly back to normal…until something else comes along to shake things up.
"Spring semi formal!" her dad declares, and Riley thinks she knows what that means, but she waits for it to be confirmed.
"Do you mean there's going to be a dance, sir?" Lucas asks, and Cory replies "That's exactly what I mean, Mr. Friar!" Riley's torn between catching Lucas's eye and glancing the other direction, because this is the first real test of where they stand after the whole yearbook thing, and what if he doesn't ask her?
Worse yet, what if the class was right? What if he asks Maya? Riley's not sure she could take that. Her best friend deserves to be happy — of course her best friend deserves to be happy — but doesn't Riley deserve to be happy too? Maya's always liked Josh for as long as Riley can remember, and if she suddenly gives up on Riley's uncle now, because she likes the same boy Riley likes, she's not sure she'll be able to take it.
Their friendships's stronger than that, Riley knows it is, and if Maya likes Lucas, they'll survive it… But it won't be easy. It's been a year and a half now and she's constantly daydreaming about him, doodling his name in her notebooks without thinking about it, shooting him shy smiles when she's supposed to be paying attention to c;ass… and if Maya starts doing the same thing instead of her, it's going to be hard to sit through. It's going to change things, whether Riley wants it to or not. She's nice, but no one's that nice. No one just hands the guy they like to their best friend on a silver platter, not after first kisses and first dates and first relationships.
First relationships that ended because you weren't ready, Riley remembers, and the thought sobers her. Was that their only chance? She'd always thought she and Lucas could stay just friends for now and return to their relationship when they were older and more mature, but what if that was their only chance?
A week passes, and Lucas still hasn't asked her to the dance. Riley starts to panic.
She freaks out to Farkle about it. She hates not talking to Maya, but she's still scared after the whole yearbook thing, and she thinks maybe if she puts it off she'll never have to hear her best friend admit that they like the same guy, or that even if they don't like the same guy, that Maya doesn't think Lucas is the right guy for Riley anymore. She doesn't know how to deal with that.
People say that falling for someone in middle school is just her trying to copy her parents, but it's not. If she wanted to copy her parents, she would be dating Farkle by now — that's a lot more similar than the boy she met on the subway in 7th grade is. But she doesn't want Farkle, she doesn't want to be her parents: Riley wants Lucas, and she's scared that he doesn't want her anymore.
"Lucas really likes you, Riley," Farkle promises her as Maya climbs up the bay window and shoots a surprised glance at Farkle sitting in her place. Riley scoots over, pats the seat next to her, and lets Maya join the conversation… but she steers it to talk about who Farkle should ask, instead of mentioning that she doesn't think Lucas wants to take her after all. If Maya notices something's off, she doesn't say anything.
Riley tosses and turns that night, having nightmares about going to the dance alone while her best friend shows up with her not-boyfriend.
She wakes up feeling selfish, because she knows Maya would never do that to her, and she knows that if they did like each other she should be a good best friend and step out of the way and let them be happy. But they don't, do they?
Riley's always been insecure, and between yearbooks and this dance, her head just feels like it's not on right anymore. She's completely psyched herself out, and she's too scared to ask Lucas what he's feeling about any of it. She's too scared to ask Maya for advice. She's too scared to do anything, except stand there that afternoon when a guy from her English class asks her to the dance.
She finds herself saying, "Of course I'll go with you, Charlie," because what else is there to say? Lucas had his chance, and maybe he doesn't want her anymore. Maybe the class got inside his head too, and all those "I really like you, Riley" declarations are just a thing of the past.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Maybe not.
Word spreads fast in the 8th grade, and later that afternoon, Lucas catches her alone.
"Are you really going to the dance with somebody else?" he asks her, eyes wide, voice pleading. Riley's heart sinks into her chest, because she knows that look, and she knows that he's disappointed.
"You didn't ask me," she tells him, and Lucas looks crestfallen.
"I was waiting for the right time," he explains, as if that fixes the mess that Riley's gotten herself into. She wants to go with him, but she's scared. She's let other people convince her that her feelings are wrong, and that he can't possibly like her, and it's not like she's the type of girl who would say yes to someone only to promptly ditch them. It's not polite, and Riley Matthews is nothing if not polite.
"Sometimes your moment just can't be your moment," Riley tells him evenly. She's amazed at how cool she's being; maybe her friendship with Maya has finally rubbed off on her after all. She even managed to parrot back his earlier words to him — because she remembers almost everything he's ever said to her. Riley's stayed up late at night turning it over and over in her head, wondering what it means, wondering where things are headed between them. When he told her his moment would be his moment, she'd been sure it meant he wanted to kiss her.
It's been over a year since then, and their only kiss was initiated by her.
She's staying calm on the outside, even if on the inside she's freaking out. What is she doing? Why is she pushing him away when all she wants to do is pull him closer?
"Do you not like me anymore?" he asks, hurt. "I mean, I know we're not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, but I just thought…"
Riley doesn't wait to find out what he thought. The last few weeks of doubts and insecurities have built up, and she says hurriedly, "You should just ask Maya."
"Is that really what you want?" Lucas asks her, bewildered. It's not; it's the opposite of what Riley wants, but maybe if he does it she can close this chapter of her life and stop expecting him to be her perfect love story. If he jumps at the first chance she gives him to be with Maya without any consequences, then she deserves better, anyway.
"That's really what I want," she lies, and turns on her heel to go into class as the bell rings.
"Lucas asked me to the dance," Maya tells her after school that day in the bay window. Maya's searching Riley's face for some sort of reaction, but Riley channels her Morticia-like calm from a few weeks ago and keeps her face as blank as possible.
"I told him to." Maya blinks at her in confusion, and waits for Riley to explain.
"I already have another date, remember? I told you at lunch about Charlie asking me."
"Yeah, I know, but — " Maya pauses, reminding Riley of her pause when she asked what just happened in class, that fateful day when Maya was pretending to be her. "I thought you'd change your mind after I told Lucas and he talked to you."
"Well, I didn't." Riley knows her best friend meant it to be helpful, but knowing that she had to intervene to remind Lucas to ask her just makes her more sure that sticking with Charlie was the right thing to do.
"I should have known you're not like that," Maya says with a nod, then breaks the silence by saying, "So do you want me to go with Lucas, then? So that he doesn't have a real date with someone evil like Missy?"
"You can be his real date if you want." Riley's throat clenches as she says it, and she hates that she's even keeping Maya at an arm's length now, but what else can she do? The class thinks there's something there, and Maya will never admit it unless Riley gives her permission to.
But she doesn't. "Me and Huckleberry? Yeah, right. But I guess it's better than going with Farkle, he always steps on my feet."
Maya pulls Riley into a hug, comforting her with unspoken words. They stay like that for a long time, until her mom calls for her to come eat dinner and Maya has to go home.
The next day, John Quincy Adams Middle School is abuzz with the news that their favorite couple are finally going on a date. Riley does her best to not want to cry.
Things are strained between her and Lucas leading up to the dance, to say the least. Riley doesn't know what he's thinking, and she's not even entirely sure she knows what she's thinking. His smile still makes her stomach do flips; he's still the (second to) last person she wants to text at night and the second person she wants to text in the mornings, after Maya, of course. She still finds herself hanging onto his every word in class, but at lunch they sit at opposite ends of the table, with Farkle and Maya in the middle as buffers.
The easy banter — if they ever even really had that — is gone. Riley just feels awkward about the fact that she's going to the dance with Charlie, and even more awkward about the fact that Lucas is going with Maya.
She tries to sneak peaks to see if there's any sign that they're a couple, but she doesn't see any. Maybe Maya really did just say yes so that Lucas couldn't go with someone else. But if Maya's just trying to be a place holder to save Lucas for her, then why do they sometimes seem to be whispering and passing notes? It doesn't look romantic, it just looks… suspicious.
Riley feels out of the loop, but she's too scared of the answers she might get if she puts herself back in it. She just tries to focus on having a good time with Charlie, and starts counting down the days to the formal.
The big night finally arrives, and Riley's feeling the wrong kind of butterflies in her stomach. She's nervous about going with someone who's basically a stranger, she's nervous about seeing Maya and Lucas… and she's trying hard not to act like she wishes she was going with Maya's date instead when her best friend shows up to get ready with her.
"We don't like each other like that, Riley," Maya reminds her when she grows quiet. Really she was just focusing on not messing up her make-up, but Maya doesn't need to know that. The reassurance is nice, even though Riley has been trying to remind herself that the people want Maya and Lucas, and maybe someday Maya and Lucas will want each other, and it'll have to be okay.
But it's not okay. It's so, so not okay.
She twirls around when she's ready, her spirits boosted by the fact that she looks like Princess Dancing Sunshine after all in her yellow dress. She and Maya snap pictures together in front of her fireplace, and things almost feel normal until Lucas rings the doorbell to pick up Maya.
Riley ducks her head, feeling shyer around him than she's felt in ages. He tells them both they look beautiful, and Riley tries to convince herself he's not staring at her when he says it.
The three of them take pictures together, and Riley feels both stiff and tingly all over when Lucas puts his arm around her waist for a shot of just the two of them. Her mom promises she might want it someday, but after the picture's over she ushers Maya and Lucas out and tells them she'll see them there.
As soon as the door closes, her mom wraps her in a hug and asks, "Honey, are you okay?"
Now's not the time to finally let all the feelings that have been building up out, so Riley deflects and says, "Mom! You're going to mess up my hair."
Cory takes pictures of her with Auggie and Topanga to distract her until Charlie shows up.
Charlie's sweet. He brings her a corsage, and he's easier to talk to than Lucas was at first — probably because she's not scared out of her mind of saying the wrong thing. Her heart's not racing just from being near him, her palms aren't sweating, she's not feeling jittery and excited and nervous and a million other feelings all at once.
But she is having fun. He gets her punch, they dance to a fast paced song, and they steer clear of Maya and Lucas, who seem to be having a pretty good time themselves. Not that Riley's looking. She wants to, but every time she does she feels like they're looking at her right back, and she feels guilty that she's paying more attention to them than her date, and that they're catching her in the act.
She still doesn't see it, though. Every time her eyes wander to them, she doesn't understand why people think being opposites is so much better than being similar. Riley places her arms awkwardly on Charlie's neck as a slowdance starts, and she looks around to catch a glimpse of the "fiery" couple, but instead she spots Maya dancing with Farkle and wrinkles her nose in confusion.
A hand taps on her shoulder, and Riley drops her grasp on Charlie's shoulders in surprise. She whirls around and finds herself face to face with Lucas, who asks, "May I cut in?"
Riley doesn't know why, but it makes her mad. Lucas waited too long to ask her to the dance, Lucas made her wonder if she was still the girl he liked. And worst of all, Lucas asked Maya to the dance. Even though she told him to, she didn't actually want him to, but he did, and shouldn't he be dancing with her instead?
Riley must have looked dazed and confused; she hadn't meant to let her thoughts run away with her the way they had. She tunes back in time just to hear Charlie say, "Sorry, buddy, she's dancing with her date."
Riley doesn't know why it sounds like the start of trouble, but Charlie's tone is defensive for some reason.
"I think she can decide for herself who she wants to dance with, buddy."
Riley has seen Lucas happy, and sad, and angry, and scared. She's not sure she's ever seen whatever emotion is flashing in his eyes right now.
"And I don't think it takes a genius to know she doesn't want to dance with her ex-boyfriend." Under normal circumstances, Charlie would be right. Most girls don't want anything to do with their ex-boyfriends, but Riley and Lucas are different. They're special. At least, she thought they were up until recently.
The words seem to sting Lucas. "It's not like that," he protests, but what is it like? Because tonight for the first time, with him here with Maya, and Riley here with Charlie, he's starting to feel an awful lot like an ex-boyfriend.
Riley hadn't thought of it in those terms before, since they were always in their limbo stage. Always liking each other, but never moving forward because they were so young and they had all the time in the world — that didn't feel like an ex-boyfriend to her, it had felt like an almost-one.
"Then what is it like?" Riley asks, not even realizing she'd spoken her thoughts out loud. But it was only a matter of time before she ended up saying something, because she's been keeping it in for too long.
"Riley, you know how I feel about you," Lucas protests, but she doesn't. She doesn't know, because her classmates words have gotten into her head, and convinced her that she's not the right girl for him. She doesn't know, because his reminders are subtle, and her insecurities are loud and need something over the top to quench them. She doesn't know because she's scared that even if she's happy with him, other people not wanting them together will ruin that feeling.
Riley wants to ask how he feels, but is that really being fair to her date? She doesn't know if Charlie asked her because he likes her or just because he thought she was fun and available, but either way, he asked her, and he doesn't seem to like the fact that Lucas is here interrupting their moment.
"If you felt that way about her, then maybe you should have asked her to the dance instead of taking her best friend." Charlie steps in, and Riley feels like she's stepped outside of her own life now; it's like she's just watching it happen. She feels all tongue tied and flustered, because it almost feels like two guys are fighting over her right now, but that's crazy! She's Riley Matthews. She's not the girl that people fight over, she's just a girl, that exists, and that sometimes people forget about.
"I wanted to ask her! I had a plan and everything, but - " Riley can feel Lucas's eyes on her, and she also senses that Maya and Farkle are getting closer without even having to see her best friends. She just knows when they're nearby, and she wonders if that means trouble's about to happen.
"But you didn't, and now you're trying to ruin her night. That's not how it works, dude, so how about you just leave us alone? You're not wanted here."
Charlie's kind of taking liberties now, but don't people always seem to do that when it comes to Riley? Her dad thinks she can't handle the truth about Pluto, her best friend thinks that she only likes Lucas as family, the rest of the class thinks Lucas can't like her because they're too similar, Lucas thinks he can expect her to wait around for him, and Charlie thinks he can decide that she wants Lucas to leave. Why can't Riley ever just choose for herself how she feels?
Lucas looks somewhere between angry and crushed; he's looking to Riley for clarification, and she still just feels frozen. She hates conflict; she hates when people don't get along, and right now, she's the reason people aren't getting along. This was so not how she imagined her semi-formal, and she's too worried that the old Lucas is going to resurface and punch Charlie to even feel happy that he obviously still likes her.
Riley feels an arm around her, and the weight on her shoulders feels like it's been lifted when she realizes it's Maya.
"All right, all right, break it up. Ranger Rick, go dunk your head in the punch bowl and cool off. You with the tie and the forgettable face, I'm borrowing Riley. Farkle, make yourself useful and keep these two away from each other."
Her best friend steers her towards the bathroom, and Riley finally has time for her brain to slow down and process everything going on.
"Riles, what is going on?" Maya asks after she's kicked open all the stall doors to make sure no one's listening. Riley doesn't even know where to begin. She doesn't know how things got so messed up that she's got two boys almost fighting over her out in the auditorium. She does know that she thinks she and Maya are here with the wrong dates, in her opinion, but does Maya think that?
Riley's sick of pretending she didn't hear what Maya said in the classroom that day, so she just comes out with it. "I still like Lucas."
"Of course you do, honey - why do you think I agreed to go with him to this stupid dance? We've been planning all week ways for him to make it up to you for not asking you soon enough."
Riley blanches. Is that what all the whispers and secrets have been? Maya's so deadpan about it, so sure of her response, that it almost makes Riley's skin crawl.
"Then why did you say it was like he's my brother? Why are you helping him when you don't even think we're a good couple, either, just like everyone else in our class?"
Maya seems to swallow, and she looks guilty. "So you heard that, huh?"
"Of course I heard it. Why didn't you just admit that's what you said? And why did you say it at all? I tell you everything, Maya! Don't you think I would have told you if my feelings had changed?"
Riley makes a face, too, because she'd never kiss Auggie the way she kissed Lucas. Her actions with him in the past have been the opposite of brotherly, and if she weren't somebody else's date, she probably would have had a very not-brotherly dance with Lucas already tonight, too.
"I didn't tell you because the whole lesson was about how we shouldn't care what other people think, Riley. If I were you, maybe Lucas would feel more like a brother to me. But I'm not you, I'm me. Can you imagine me if I ended up dating someone just like me? We'd be a disaster; a total hurricane of a couple. For me, I need the opposites thing. I need someone good, someone like you to balance me out."
Her eyes flicker, and Riley wonders if she's thinking about Lucas. She hopes she's not, though. Riley prays she's still just thinking about Josh.
"You don't need that, Riles. You can have someone who's just like you and be happy, even if I may not get it. Even if I'd feel differently if I were you. And that's why I didn't say it - because at the end of the day, no matter how hard I was trying to act like you, I'm not. Only you get to decide how you feel."
Riley pulls Maya into a hug, not caring if it messes up her dress or her hair or her makeup. She's so relieved that for the first time in ages, it feels like someone values what she thinks, and is going to let her make her own choices.
"I'm sorry I doubted you," Riley murmurs into her hair, still hugging her tightly.
"Yeah, yeah," Maya laughs, but she seems relieved. Things feel instantly better again, like there was no weirdness between them at all since the yearbook came out, and Maya's the first to pull back, still smiling at Riley fondly.
"Now do you think maybe we should get back out there? I'm not the only person you've been doubting that I'm pretty sure won't be able to enjoy his night until he gets a dance with the girl he wanted to take to this thing."
Maya slips her hand into Riley's and the two walk back out onto the dance floor together - just the way it should be.
Riley finds Charlie first, because it's the polite thing to do. She's not planning to ditch him totally, just explain that she needs a few minutes alone with Lucas and then she'll be back.
Only that's not how it unfolds. "I thought things were over between you guys - I wouldn't have asked you if I had known they weren't," Charlie says, sounding apologetic. Riley bites down on her bottom lip nervously, but he just shrugs. "I had fun while it lasted, but there are plenty of people here on their own I can hang out with. Thanks for being my date, Riley. I hope whatever's going on with you and Lucas works itself out."
Riley feels grateful; it's like she's been released from her duty as his date, and he's a nice boy, but he doesn't make her feel anything special. Dances are supposed to be memorable; they're supposed to be shared with people you're going to remember for the rest of your life.
People like Lucas Friar.
When Riley finally finds him again, he's standing with Maya and Farkle over by the punch bowl. Riley timidly taps him on the shoulder from behind, and when he twirls around to look at her, his smile makes her feel like she's going to melt.
"Hi," she breathes, and he seems in total awe of her as he whispers back, "Hi."
"Can I cut in?" she asks, echoing his words from earlier.
Maya snorts, and reminds her, "Riley, honey, you can only cut in if people are already dancing."
Lucas and Riley both ignore her - he takes her hand and leads her out onto the dance floor.
The last time they were like this, they were as far away from each other as they could possibly be. The tips of her fingers were on his shoulders, and he could just barely reach her waist with all the distance that was between them.
This time, Riley rests her head on his shoulder as they dance, relieved that the world seems to be back to normal and that he's still sort of hers.
"I'm sorry I didn't ask you sooner," Lucas apologizes, and Riley almost doesn't want him to talk. The moment is too perfect; she thinks it can only get worse instead of better if he explains.
"It's okay. I know things have been kind of...weird, since the yearbook thing."
"I don't like Maya like that," he tells her instantly. He knows she needs to hear it, even if she didn't ask. Even if she was vague about what she meant.
"I know that now," she promises, and she thinks she does. He and Maya went to the dance together for her benefit. Both of them could have had real dates, but instead they'd apparently been conspiring how to help Lucas get to spend time with Riley instead. That wasn't the behavior of two people who wanted to be each other - that was the behavior of two people who cared about her, and Riley really was blessed to have them both in her life.
"I was going to ask you."
"I know that too," Riley promises. She feels a little guilty that she made him worry by rushing into saying yes to Charlie, but she thinks he understands why she was feeling so insecure.
"I wanted to outdo myself - outdo the white horse, outdo the asking your dad. I just... after the whole class voted me and Maya best couple, I didn't just want to remind you how I felt. I guess I wanted them to remember, too. I didn't like them thinking you weren't special, because you are," Lucas says. His voice is so earnest, and Riley is kind of curious about what he would have done if she'd just waited a little longer.
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Lucas," Riley promises him. "Maybe you can show me next time... I promise I'll be more patient then.
Riley doesn't want to think anymore. She's been overthinking for weeks now, and it's been driving her crazy. Things finally seem to be back on the right track, and she's happy just to be in his arms, feeling like everything has been a giant misunderstanding and now they're finally getting it right.
Riley doesn't want to talk anymore, either. She knows that circumstances got in the way, but that all the bad timing wasn't enough to stop them from being together now. She pulls back just enough to smile fondly at him, but it seems that he has one last thing to say.
"I really like you, Riley," he tells her, and though they're words she's heard before, they mean more now, after all they've been through. This year has been a whirlwind, but Lucas is still choosing her, and her heart swells in her chest. She doesn't see how the moment could get any better... until he tips his head down and kisses her.
It's quick, and chaste, because they're in the middle of a dance for crying out loud, but it's also perfect. All eyes are on them, and the class collectively seems to realize that sometimes, two sunshiney people can be each other's sunshine after all. Riley feels like she's maybe finally ready for them to be a couple for real, because when else is she going to find somebody that makes her feel like she's floating like this?
Riley's cheeks are flaming red, and she wishes it didn't have to end so soon, but it's also perfect. After all this time, Lucas has finally gotten his moment, and even her dad coming over and scolding them and telling them they have detention on Monday can't ruin the high that she's on now. Detention just means time for them to talk about what this means, and what they're going to do next.
Besides... Riley's pretty sure her dad winked at her as he walked away, leaving her to rest her head on Lucas's shoulder again and spend the rest of the night making this one of those moments that she's going to remember forever.