Here We drive On The Left Side Of The Road
Summary: Some where in a boarding school on the outskirts of New York a headmaster in a wheelchair put down his newspaper and screamed.
Characters: Jean, Ororo, Kitty, Rogue, Logan, Scott, Bobby and John.
Rating: PG13 (mild sexual references and some swearing).
The idea of the x-men going to England and making a fool of themselves amuses me, so here it is.
Logan,Jean,Ororo,Scott,Rogue,Kitty,Bobby and John climbed off the plane at Heathrow airport. They collected thier luggage and waited outside, the busy London stench of petrol fumes met their noses.
"Jesus Christ this is worse than standing in the middle of the motorway back home!"Logan said covering his face with his hand.
They exited the two cabs outside a large building."Come on" Scott gestured towards them and told them thier room numbers.
"Rogue,Kitty 173.Bobby,John 174.Ororo 175.Logan 176.And me and Jean have 177".Ororo turned round to check the younger ones knew wich room was thiers, but was shocked to see that they were gone, they had already made quick use of the hotel staff and made a break for it.
"They'll be alright, I mean what's the worse they could do. Oh crap they serve alcohol to 18 and over here! They're all 18!"Jean screamed.
They lay back against a shop window laughing and catching thier breath."Hey they serve alcohol from 18 here don't they?" John said and began to walk into a pub.
"They sure do" Kitty answered, she had read up pretty much everything they needed to know for the holiday.They all followed him in and sat in front of the bar.
"Ahll pay, mah treat" Rogue said, attracting a few looks from people because of her heavy american accent.
"Vodka and coke" both Bobby and John said with little hesitation.
"I'll just have an oranje juice" Kitty said, even though she was legally able to she still didn't want any alcohol.
Rogue ordered herself a bottle of beer, and was struck dumb at the choice, eventually settling with a bottle of Stella Artois.They held their glasses up for a toast.
"To England the land where you can get leathered at 18"They chorused.
"Shame Jubes couldn't come" Bobby muttered when they had finished thier drinks.
"From what I heard, Scott said that if Jubilee was coming she was going to get a complimentary skydiving lesson...without the parachute" Kitty smiled.They ordered another round.
The senior X-men paced the foyer.
"I say we go look for them" Scott said with a hint of order in his tone, he sat on the edge od a sofa and dropped his head.
"They'll be fine, besides I thought this is what the trip was for, to experience a part of the world away from the US.To relax"Logan told though secretly he was worried at what rogue might be geting up to.
"Logan you've seen those four on soda. You can only imagine what they'll be like on alcohol, then if there powers go crazy, we don't know if this place is mutant friendly" Scott said not noticing that those three had also ran off to find a pub.He turned round to face them and discovered they were not there, he sighed and walked out of the hotel.
Jean,Ororo and Logan laughed but then saw Scott behind them and abruptly stopped.
Jean looked at him pointed to a pub 'The Masba'
"Apparently it's mutant friendly so there's no worries"Ororo told Scott and headed in.Although it was quiet it was obvious there were very few humans there, the drinks were filled telekinetically by the barworkers mind, when a candle went out a new one instantly seared up and. Oh crap,a girl with unmistakable dark tresses walked through the wall into the ladies bathrooms. A boy at the bar froze the top of his drink. Tiny fire balls were floating in the sky emmited from an unmistakable shark lighter,and another girl with a white stripe in her hair was sat next to him and ordered another two bottles of beer,the condensation dripping over her leather gloves.
Logan walked towards the bar sat down next to Rogue and ordered a pint.
"Heya sugar" he said startling her.
"Oh, hi Logan. AARRGGHH Logan!" she turned round and saw Jean, Ororo and Scott approaching them.She screamed again and dived under a table.Bobby and John snickered, but on turning to see the commotion followed suit and launched themselves off the stools.Jean walked past,looked at them then sat down and ordered a drink. Scott managed to walk past them without dragging them up and lecturing them, mainly because Jean was dragging him past them.Ororo just passed them and rolled her eyes.When the adults had all ordered thier drinks Logan bent down to them.
'You can come out now" he whispered to them. Kitty stepped out of the bathroom wall, saw her teachers sat at the bar and her friends crawling out from under a table. Screamed and chucked herself through the back wall.She reemerged 2 minutes later wiping a banana skin off her head.
"OK they do have bins here" she muttered then gingerly sat down next to Rogue.
"Bleeding, idiots putting me in the room next to them, when they know I can hear them"Logan muttered under his breath.He could also know hear the party the kids seemed to be holding in their rooms.
Ororo sat quietly in her room reading a book entitled ' Understanding The English: An Americans Guide'.On hearing the party in the neighbouring room, she sent a roll of thunder across the darkening sky.
Rogue had changed the Cd player from John's choice of Atrayu to Ashanti. John and Bobby shook thier heads at Kitty and Rogue and took another swig of their WKD.When the Cd ended John and Bobby were the main source of entertainment, finaly mastering their party piece wich consisted of John shooting a small fire ball into the air and Bobby freezing it, which looked pretty damn cool.On hearing footsteps Kitty grabbed hold of Rogues black gloved hand, dumped their bottles next to the boys took their Cd and ran through the wall,leaving the boys toatlly startled as Jean and Scott closed in on them.
"Mr Sumers, Dr Grey" Bobby said then gulped as Scott eyed the empty WKD bottles and ice coated fire balls that lay on the table.
"Go to sleep now, be up for 8:30 and don't be drunk and noone gets hurt."Jean said holding back a struggling Scott with her hand.She made to leave the room, then turned round grabbed the unopened pack of WKD grabbed Scott and ran out laughing. Throughout the night the younger X-men could hear the sound of dance music and cheering echoing from the teachers rooms. An hour or so after the kids party had been gatecrashed Scott walked in to John and Bobbys room and thanked them for the alcohol.
John,Kitty,Rogue and Bobby walked down the steps to the breakfast bar, where the teachers were already waiting.Jean sat drinking coffee with a bagel in front of her, silently giggling. Ororo just drinking water and rolling her eyes having heard the nights events. Logan glaring at Scott and nibbling on a full english (toast, sausage, bacon,eggs, hash browns, grilled tomatoes, beans and black pudding if you didn't already know).Scott just looked up at them with a stern face and went back to reading his paper. Kitty leant forward and grabbed some toast for her and Rogue. John and Bobby decided the best way to sober up was to drink more coffee than Logan and Jean drink any form of liquid wahtsoever, wich i assure you is a quite a lot. Rogue and Kitty took pity on them and passed them a tray for their 10 or so cups.
"Right today we are going to experience some english culture, and no alcohol is not culture"Ororo said looking sternly at the boys and glancing towards the girls.
"We're off to the british national history museum, and will be taking notes and making drawings."Jean added.
Jean and Logan went into a 'stationery box' to get some art supplies. After picking up a large pack of pens and pencils and 5 notepads Jean went to ask the shop assistant "were the erasers were as i havn't seen any". he looked at her and unfortunately hadn't recognised her american accent and replied.
"Well if you mean rubbers, we have a few plain ones, but we mainly sell novelty ones, there just round there" he said pointing round an aisle. Both Jean and Logans jaws dropped simultaneously, not only did they sell novelty rubbers but she had seen young children come in the shop.It was Logans turn to be amazed.
"You sell novelty rubbers, in a shop open to children, this place is truly mental." he said. This time however the assistant recognised a canadian acent and geussed that they were both american.
"CRAP!!! Oh my god i'm so sorry, i didn't know you were american, I meant erasers, here in england we call them rubbers, and you're rubbers are called condoms.However if you are intersted in buying 'rubbers' theres a 'superdrug' down the road." He said.
Logan and Jean walked out of the shop to the others looking very embarrased, and explained they had learnt a new snippet of english information. Kitty eyed the pack of rubbers (N.B i am english so do mean 'erasers') and made the link, she burst out laughing.Jean looked back and forth to her and Logan, then burst out laughing.
They walked through the entrance of the museum looking up at the full size dinosaur skeleton.Bobby was the first to spot a shimmering blue and white display.
"Wow, they've got a display on the ice age" before any of them could stop him he had ran in its direction.
"Bobby Drake, you let out so much as an ice cube and you get a swimming lesson.In the Thames."Scott yellled but to no avail, Bobby had already coated it all in ice.Jean and Ororo could still be heard giggling even though they were making a break for the door and a shopping spree, Kitty and Rogue quick to follow.John just looked at the girls silently tip-toeing out of the building, then back at Scott who was chasing Bobby round the ice coated area, his hands dangerously close to his glasses.Bobby saw that Scott was closing in on him and let out a stream of ice.
"AARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!" Scott screamed as he fell backwads onto the floor.John just looked at him and continued to flick open his zippo, occasionaly flaring up the flame for a second.
"Just so you know the museum was Scotts idea" Jean said as her, Ororo, Kitty and Rogue assembled outside Harrods.
"Come on lets hit the shops".Jean threw a purse at Kitty and Rogue, winked and ran off with Ororo into Harrods.
"Oh my god. Theres a shop that sells gloves" Rogue said pointing to a small shop accros the road from them and dragging Kitty through the traffic lights.
John and Bobby made a break for it, as Scott reached up to his glasses and slowly began to twist the small black button on the edge.They nose dived into an open lift and headed for the top floor.
Rogue picked up black,white, dark brown and light brown gloves in silk, wool, leather,seude and cotton took them to the check out and apssed ove the credit card that was in the purse.Kitty looked around and decided she'd may as well buy some and grabbed a pale pink silk pair.
Jean ran into a 'topshop' store and began madly flinging red tops and dresses into a basket followed by a ton of red skirts and afew pairs of jeans.Ororo did pretty much the same thing but with black.
"jean if you were any more red you're gonna look like a giant strawberry." Ororo pointed out eyeing the almost entirely red basket.
"And if you wear any more black youre gonna look like you've been sucked straight out of the void" Jean replied.They laughed madly, well that is Jean nearly choked herself and Ororo just laughed a lot.They paid for their purchases and headed into a faith store were Jean bought 2 pairs of red heels and some black boots.Ororo again got the same in black.
"Thats another 100 down the drain" Jean smiled as she passed the cashier one of the school credit cards.
"Yeah but it's so fun" Ororo laughed as she collected her bag.
"oooh home comforts" Kitty said as they exited the shop pointing to an american diner.They set off down the road waving as they saw Jean and Ororo carrying more bags than Rogue had gloves.
Jean and Ororo saw Kitty and Rogue head into an american diner and folowed them across the road.
John and Bobby leapt out of the lift and screamed, running off at a speed that must have broken a world record as Scott jumped up from the stairs.Suddenly John stopped dead and pulled out his lighter, he made the flame sear up, heat radiating from the fire.
"Who's second in command again?"John asked a hint of evil in his eyes as he swirled the flame into a ring.Scott scowled at John and sent a fine beam at his feet that just singed the edge of his trainers.Bobby held his hand up to his teacher and shot an array of ice cubes at him.
"Ow, ouch, arrgh, BOBBY GET OFF ME! WHEN WE GET BACK YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR ETERNITY!!!" Scott shouted finching and wiggling as pellets of ice were flung at him. The nanosecond before they hit him hlf of thm turned to water as John flamed then.By the time they had finished Scott was drenched from head to toe in water.Logan stood looking at him, laughing, oh this was classic. Mr 'completely controled and dignified leader of the X-men, who never takes stick from his students and is always responsible' Summers had just been utterly pulverised by two 18yr olds.
"Where's Jeannie, and 'ro and. Oh crap where are the girls?" Logan said looking round and realising that he had't seen or smelt any of them since Bobby added a realistic touch to the ice age exhibition.Scott placed his hand over his face with a wet squelchy noise."Bet you ten bucks they've gone shopping Logan"Bobby said flicking his hand between flesh and ice.
"your on"Logan said grabbing his hand to secure the bet,he then violently shook it as Bobby turned his hand back to flesh.
Jean, Ororo, Kitty and Rogue sat down at a table in the diner and picked up a menu each.
"This place is mad,Ooops-up-side-your-head burger, Hawaii fries, they're taking the piss out of us."Kitty exclaimed as she read the menu.
"oh yeah and we don't take the mick out of England.D'ya remeber that traditional English fisherie." Jean replied.On the other half of the table Rogue and Ororo were ickering over what the best aspects of England were.
"They have an entire row of glove shops"Rogue said.
"yes but it's great weather here and theres so many vegetarian choices."They were interupted by a hyperactive waitress in a tacky outfit asking if they were ready to order.They screamed in unison as she started a small dance.
"errm i'll just have a salad and diet coke."Jean said followed by a rush of 'me too's' from the table.
"Are you sure you wouldn't like fries with that" the waitress was greeted by a fairly scared look on thier faces and quickly headed towards the kitchen.They all looked around the table at each other silently with looks of horror on thier faces.
"No, no betting Logan!" Scott said sternly. At that Jonh preceded to pull a few notes out of his wallet.
"Fifteen bucks says there in a shoe store."
"You're on !" Scott said. Logan looked at Scott in disbelief. They walked down the steps and exited the building, heading towards the nearest shop in search of the female half of the X-Men.
Meanwhile the girls were still looking at each other in horror.
"D'ya reckon we should just leave the cash and get outta here" Rogue said hopefully. Jean turned to look at her.
"Great idea, only one problem. We still havn't changed the cash, we've only got green" she said rifling through the notes in her purse, to see if any of the dollars had been exchanged for britsh pounds.
"What is the currency conversion here anyhow?" Kitty asked.
"A dollar is worth just over 50 pence here, I think" Jean said.
"No fair, so we have like half of what we came with" Rogue said, putting her hand on her hip.