Disclaimer: I don't own Tale of Two Cities
I got mad and acted hurtful once. It was for no good reason and I was drunk when I did it and I heard an earful about it afterwards. Being in a state of drunkenness I didn't understand why it was such a big fuss. I didn't understand why my friends weren't backing me up either. I mean after all I was the adult in the situation and other adults should always back up the adult in charge at the time. In my twisted mind any adult who handles a situation is in charge. I am ashamed to say the way I behaved that day was disgraceful. There was one person though who saw through the mask of drunkenness and saw me as a man. She understood my hardships and I was wise enough to know when I was in a bit of a slump. Had I been a stronger man back then I may not have given up so quickly. It had been a long road ahead of me and I didn't see myself really as being able to travel down that road. I just didn't have the energy to care and I was too numb to feel. It took too much out of me. I maintained I was right. She loved me as a dear friend throughout my times of trouble. I went from being a drunkard to being a man.
As a man I began to feel. As a man I came through for my friends and cared about what happened to them. I began to grieve for all I lost… and never had a chance for. It was a man that made that promise to Lucie all those years ago. It was a man who was a man all those years until yesterday when I decided to become a hero. It was a man who was able to tenderly hold an infant without dropping her because I was intoxicated. It was a man who defended my friend when her husband (who happened to be my other friend) was acting like an idiot. It was a man that was able to give a word and get his point across without acting hurtful. Somewhere in those years I went from being a drunkard to being a man. It was a man who learned to speak clearly. It was a man who learned when and how I need to hold my tongue. It was a man who remember a lesson his friend taught him that actions can at times be more effective than words. There is a time for talk. There is a time when actions must accompany words and there is a time where actions alone is needed. This case was one where actions alone was needed.
Yesterday I became a hero. I sit in a cell now awaiting my death. I made a vow to Lucie. I told her I would give my life to keep alive a life she loves. I meant those words but I didn't know they would ever need to come to be. I think of a day when Little Lucie was playing to near to the pool and she fell in. Charles was closer than any of us, jumped in and rescued her. He dried her up and made sure she was safe and warm. Later as she was asleep we talked.
"You didn't chasten her for playing to near to the pool," I said, "Why is that?"
"I don't act in ways that will bring harm to the ones I love," he said, "Besides she had a dreadful fight which even if I did believe in punishment I would say is punishment enough."
I understood what it means to be a man but I didn't understand what it meant to be a hero. I didn't understand that is until yesterday. Being a hero means doing what you have to do for the ones that you love without thinking of yourself. It is in my death that I will find life.