These Things Happen ...
by Bronze Dragon
(A/N : This is the sequel to "Wormmon strikes back !", but this time around it is even more irrelevant, meaningless and more of a waste of you time. g)
Ken was in his usual place, sitting atop his throne, having a statue constructed in the far corner of the room to attest to his glory. Wormmon scampered up to the kaiser's throne on his six small feet and looked up at the alluring emperor. "Ken-sama, what do we do with the digidestend we picked up earlier ? Her PMS is scaring the Bakemon !" Ken shifted his shoulders towards Wormmon, breaking his gaze at the half-constructed statue. "Elementary, Worm-kun. We make her commit horribly embarrassing acts for the cruel purpose of entertaining the fanfic author and the FFN public."
"But that would cruel, sad, mean, evil and a host of another negative adjectives !"
"That's the point, Wormmon."
"Oh, I see now ..." Wormmon paused for a effect, then rubbing his two upmost legs together, said "Excellent."
The Sun scorched both plant and animal as it bore down on Odiba during a slow, humid afternoon. No one seemed to care that Hikari was in the kaiser's clutches, except Takeru but he was safely bound and gagged in Miyako's closet. The young digidestend were busy spending the generous amounts of money the kaiser had given them for the 'exchange'. Miyako was wasting away her newly acquired funds at the mall with Iori, who was struggling to hold on to all the things she had bought. However, their shopping 'fun' was interrupted as the story plot was pushed ahead by a conveniently placed emergency. Miyako scowled at her d-terminal as she recognized the beep of the conveniently placed emergency. "Not another conveniently placed emergency ! Don't these authors have anything better do ?" Miyako continued, yelling at passers-by. "Read a book or something ! Go outside and get a life !" Iori shuffled from the mountain of plastics bags was carrying and asked Miyako to answer the conveniently placed emergency. She flipped the d-terminal's open cover angrily, almost tearing it off and jabbed at the screen to bring up the email. Iori nudged Miyako impatiently. "Well, what does it say?" Miyako looked over the e-mail carefully then addressed Iori, "It's from Daisuke. It seems he's some how gotten involved in a Monochromon mating ritual."
"What ? How could that happen ?"
"Well, from what I can make out. He had gone climbing and along a strange ridge, he grabbed a handhold that really was ...."
"Don't go there, Miyako."
"Agreed but now he's betrothed to female Monochromon, while he admits she's rather beautiful for a monochromon, he doesn't believe he's quite ready for a relationship of this caliber yet."
"Hmmm ... a female monochromon. Sounds like kind of erotic."
"Stop right there. Don't rush things." Miyako lowered her tone, whispering. "Trust me. Puberty sucks."
Hikari was literally dragged into the kaiser's throne room by two burly Gazimon and dropped harshly on the stone floor. With her hands and legs tied, she could only kneel and look up like a scared child. "What are you going to do to me ?" she demanded defiantly. Ken smiled, "Isn't it obvious ?" he asked with a mischievous tone.
"No, it isn't."
"Haven't you watched any James Bond movies ?"
"No."
"Any action B movies ?"
"No."
"Any ...."
"No."
"Don't you watch television ... anything ?"
"My mama says that television is the devil !"
The kaiser hold his hand on his forehead and shook it in disgust. "I am going to torture you ! Think !"
"Ooooh, I see now."
"Good."
"Thank you."
"Your welcome."
"I'm glad we got that behind us."
"Yes ... Shut up !"
"Ok."
"Good."
"Thank you."
"Your wel ... Hey ! Let's try this one more time ..."
Miyako and Iori's data was slowly being converted to binary information and being downloaded to the digital world. The unusually high strain on the entire network from the vast amounts of human data traveling between worlds constantly disrupted more than a few data transfers especially for a certain user. (A/N : I'm on to you Iori !) When the two digidestend finally materialized they disgruntled to say the least. Iori looked up at Miyako, "I don't know who created the digital world but they certainly were cheap." Miyako meet his eyes with a grin. "Cheap ... bastards, you mean. Haven't they heard of Download Accelerator ?"
"Hey ! No advertisements here. Besides, it was probably AOL this time ..." They both fell down laughing with that comment.
"Now ... on to ... the matter .. at hand ... hehehe ... AOL."
"Yeah, Daisuke ... and those monochromon ... heh ... AOL ... heh heh."
"We have to ... save ... him ... AOL ... hehe."
"Right ... heh. AOL."
"Heh heh, stupid Americans."
Ken gazed impatiently at his digivice, which, like all the other digidestend's, had a clock for no apparent reason. Where is he ?, he thought. Daisuke was supposed help with the torture. Damn slacker. I should have never trusted those lowly lifeforms. Hikari was still pathetically struggling on the floor, the kaiser gave the signal and Wormmon untied the gag. "Don't you wonder how you were turned over so easily ?' he asked evilly.
"You mean other than the huge wad of greens you gave them ?"
"Uhhh ... right. I bribed them with plants. That's it."
"You know, the moo-lah ?"
"Right, Singing cows."
"The dead presidents ?"
"Hah. I knew it ! One of the digidestend was at the necrophiliacs anonymous meeting !"
Hikari sighed, "The money !"
"Ooooh, I see."
"Good."
"Than --- Hey ! We're not starting that again."
"All right."
"G --- Damn you !"
"Well ... aren't you gonna torture me ?"
"Daisuke isn't here yet .. oh well, it's his loss. Anyways, for your first session, we are going to make sweet love together."
"That's sexual har-"
"So that's what you think of me ? Just because I'm evil automatically makes me some pervert ? "Sweet Love" is Jun's secret strawberry shortcake recipe !"
"Oh. Where is Daisuke anyways ?"
"I wonder ...."
A small herd of steel grey-coloured dinosaur digimon rapidly danced around a small marked enclosure which contained Daisuke and Mira, the lucky monochromon whose scales were shaded a pale pink. "Volcanic Strike !" yelled the dancing monochromon, shooting a wave of fire projectiles into the air as the ritual reached its climax. Mira nudged Daisuke with her snout, a gesture hard to ignore as pound for pound, her protective skin was more dense than a diamond. "When this is over, we're going to make sweet love ..."
Daisuke worriedly faced his to-be bride, "But how can a teen and a monochromon have ..."
"I meant Jun's secret strawberry shortcake ! We need a wedding cake ! We have plenty of time for the alternate meaning later ..." explained Mira, adding a sly wink at the end.
"But if everyone knows Jun's secret strawberry recipe .. how can it be secret anymore ?"
"A mystery of the universe ... or a rather large plot hole."
Meanwhile, Miyako and Iori were spying out Daisuke's precarious situation from a group of conveniently placed bushes. Observing the monochromon, Iori grunted in disgust. "I could do better ... I was in Riverdance !", Iori cleared out a few stray twigs and started tap-dancing, badly. Miyako rolled her eyes, "Weren't you the handicapped guy with no legs ... ?"
"Well yeah .. but that's besides the point !", suddenly Iori was hit by a revelation. "Where are the digimon ?"
"Oh. Them. They're in a safe place."
In a darkened cellar, three figures lay on the ground trapped in the dark recesses of the room.
"Why does Takeru get the closet ?"
"Yah ! Crossdressers untie !"
"Mmmmm ... cheese !"
Back in the conveniently placed bushes ... "Oh. Hey ? Shouldn't we be saving him ?"
Miyako paused, considering the notion and then nodding reassuringly, said "They better have made some Sweet Love !"
"... but how -oh, Jun's secret strawberry shortcake. Well, we can only hope."
Daisuke rubbed his eyes to confirm what he now saw, it was Iori and Miyako to his rescue ! He yelled and waved frantically to his digidestend companions, "Over here ! Over here !" But to his dismay, they rushed past him and to the wedding cake. Daisuke sweatdropped as they began to greedily devour the entire cake.
Ken and Hikari sat at a elaborately decorated table, they were, of course, eating Jun's strawberry shortcake. Ken spoke, allowing a few crumbs to fall on his plate, "This cake is simply delicious !" Hikari, too busy stuffing her face with a slice of Jun's cake, merely nodded her approval. Suddenly, however, interrupting Hikari's hording of the cake, her D-3 beeped angrily. She quickly opened it in the hopes of grabbing another serving of the cake before Wormmon stole another off the table. Hikari rapidly examined the offending message and looked up to see her slice long gone. She met Ken eye to eye and announced, "Daisuke's having a wedding to finalize some monochromon mating ritual ... we're invited."
Suddenly, a familiar green leprechaun ran across the kaiser's dining room, in hot pursuit was a blue and white Veedramon. "You'll never get my lucky charms !" Zeromaru grinned evilly, "Sure I will ! V Breath Arrow !"
(A/N : Zeromaru is Taichi's digimon in the V-tamer manga)
"Ahhhh ! Just take 'em ! Take your damned grain and marshmellows ! Just leave me alone !"
"Yeah ! Still unbeaten ! 100 % Victory !" exclaimed Zeromaru, doing a two-finger pose.
After that, five kids ran in the room from the same entrance. "Hey, it's Luc- Zeromaru and he has the some lucky charms ! Get him !"
"I don't think so ! V breath Arrow !", Zeromaru yelled as he brutally massacred those five annoying kids. He sat down at the table beside Hikari and Ken, and began to meekly eat the Lucky Charms.
Hikari shrugged, commenting, "Saban'll cut that scene.
"Master of the obvious." Ken muttered under his breath.
Then, Hikari finishing another slice of Jun's cake, looked over the message again on her D-3 … "Yay ! I'm the bridesmaid !". She darted across the table and slid over the cloths, then she grabbed Ken by the hand and started to run towards the exit. "Let's go !"
"Hey ! You're supposed to be the prisoner …" Ken said wearily.
Ken's protests were quickly quelled as Zeromaru pushed him along as he avoided yet another group of kids marauding for Lucky Charms.
Okay, so it was late but sue me ... okay, don't. High school sucks ... but expect some fics anyway. As usual, Review !