Title: Enough To Make The Angels Weep
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And I still don't make any money from it.
Summary: Steve's friends have to learn the hard way that surviving a brutal act of violence might not be what they have wished for.
A/N: My dear readers, you totally overwhelmed me with your response to "WHY?".
It seems that there is a high demand for more to it. I must say I was very happy and content with my ending. I actually gave you a happy-end. That is why I made this a separate story and left "Why?" as a stand-alone.
Are you aware of what you did with wishing for more? You just gave me another shot at killing poor Steve.
What? You do remember that Dr. Young told them that Steve would have a chance if he survived the first 72 hours? He is just at that mark.
And do you even know who you are asking for more to this? I don't write fairy tales. In my eyes, Steve is very seriously injured. His level of injury at T6 comes with so many complications. You know I decided on T6 for a reason. Yes, put another evil grin in here.
You know, now that you have asked for more, you will get that. Lots more. I can't write just one chapter with a magical recovery. That is not gonna happen.
You should have taken the happy-ending, but now the outcome of this story is back in my hands. Big mistake. LOL
I hope you will enjoy this part of the story. And again, THANK YOU for your overwhelming support.
And again thanks to Cokie who was really the instigator for more to this madness. ;-)
Enough To Make The Angels Weep - Chapter 01
Queens Medical Center - ICU
"OK, I have downgraded Commander McGarrett's status to 'critical but stable'," Dr. Young told Catherine and Danny.
They had just sat down in his office after leaving Steve's beside. He had gone back to sleep after barely being awake for five minutes, even missing out on seeing Danny.
"So, how much longer will he stay in the ICU?"
Dr. Young frowned at the detective's question and hesitated before replying. "I don't think you quite understand the seriousness of Commander McGarrett's condition."
"But he woke up."
"Barely, Detective. The commander is not out of the woods by a long shot," Dr. Young told his two visitors. "As I told you three days ago, if he makes it through the first 72 hours he has a chance. That does not mean his survival is a given."
"What do you mean?"
Young looked at the two friends in front of his desk and wondered for a moment if they were just dense or if they had a trust in their friend's ability to beat everything that went beyond his understanding. Or maybe they thought he was a miracle worker. Well, he would take the wind out of their sails right away.
"Catherine, may I call you Catherine?"
"Of course."
"The Commander-"
"Please call him Steve," he was interrupted by Catherine Rollins.
"Steve. Good. As I said, Steve's injuries are severe. We fixed his lung as good as we could, but the bullet did a lot of damage. At the moment his right lung only has a capacity of about fifty to sixty percent," Young said, but stopped when he saw two shocked faces in front of him. "Did you expect him to be back to normal after the surgery?"
"I was hoping… yeah, to be honest I thought you fixed it."
"Yes, Catherine, we did. But he will need therapy to get back to normal. But honestly, that is not of much concern at the moment."
"Then what is?"
"Danny?" After the detective nodded, Young continued. "The bullet went through the lung tissue which didn't slow it down at all. It hit the sixth thoracic vertebrae with full speed. Why it didn't shatter the bone and sever the spinal cord is a question we can't answer. We were completely shocked when we saw how 'little' damage it had done." Young used air quotes for the description of little. "Normally the bullet would have cut through the spinal cord and render the patient paralyzed for life without any hope of recovery."
"But that didn't happen?" Catherine asked.
"No. By, what I can only call divine intervention, it was stopped by the bone," Young explained. "But the impact did a lot of damage to the bone and also the surrounding tissue. He has to thank the EMTs on scene for moving him with such care that they didn't injure his spine any further. They did an amazing job," Young praised the first responders.
"So, if the spinal cord isn't injured… he will be fine, right?"
"No, Danny. It's not that easy. Due to the trauma there was extensive swelling and a lot of pressure on the nerves. They were severely compromised. They still are. The swelling is still not completely down. Despite our best efforts."
"But he's breathing on his own."
"Yes, Catherine, he is. But the level of his injury wouldn't normally call for assisted breathing. So, the function above the injury is slowly coming back. We still need to watch his breathing closely because his abdominal muscles and most importantly his intercostal muscles-"
"Intracoastal what?" He was interrupted by Danny.
"Intercostal muscles. Those are muscle groups that run between the ribs. They help you move the chest wall. They are an important part of breathing."
"They make the chest expand?" Catherine asked.
"In easy terms, yes they do. And the muscle groups are affected by his level of injury. So we have to watch his breathing very closely. At the moment it is OK, but he could get in trouble if he was speaking or needed more air because of any kind of activity."
"But he will be fine when the swelling is down, right?" Danny asked again.
The doctor slowly shook his head. "That is highly unlikely," Young answered.
"What do you mean? I thought his spine was not directly injured?"
Young sighed and looked at the two people. They were difficult to deal with, way too stubborn to accept the commander's severe injuries. "Look, I know this is very hard to wrap your head around. But right now we have to treat his injury as if it was a category B spinal cord injury."
"Which means what?" Cath asked.
"It indicates an incomplete spinal cord injury with sensory but no motor function below, and in Steve's case, also above the injury level at this moment," Young explained. "I think with time Steve will recover motor function, but I'm not able to tell you right now when or how much of it will return."
Danny stood up and walked behind his and Catherine's chairs, pacing and waving his hand in the air. "Why not?" he insisted. "I mean his spine is not cut." Danny needed more answers.
"No, it's not," the doctor again agreed. "But the pressure on his spine causes damage to it. In fact, even as we speak. Even if the pressure was completely gone right now, Steve still would not be able to move. The nerves need time to recover from the trauma," the doctor further explained and paused, wondering if he should tell them more or if they had already reached their limit to process the information. But he knew they had to learn the truth at some point so he continued. "At the present time, there is no way of telling if he will recover his motor functions or if the trauma was too severe for the nerves to function at full capacity again."
H50 - H50 - H50
The first difference Steve noticed was that he could move his head. It had been frightening the last time he had been awake not being able to move. Steve slowly turned his head towards the voice coaxing him to open his eyes.
This time it was also easier to obey and soon the man from before came into focus.
"Commander, do you remember me?"
"Dr. Young," Steve slowly said.
"That's right. I'm your doctor. Do you remember that you're in the ICU?"
"Uh huh," Steve commented and turned his head to look around the room. "Why?"
"You were shot in the chest. We operated on you to remove the bullet."
"How bad?" Steve already guessed it must be pretty bad. He could feel all kinds of stuff attached to him.
"There was extensive damage to your right lung, and the bullet fractured a vertebrae, but didn't injure the spinal cord itself."
Steve listened to what his doctor told him and breathed a sigh of relief to hear that his spine was intact. But it dawned on him that something was not quite right about what he had just heard. And then it hit him. He couldn't move his legs, or even his arms.
He heard the increase in his heartbeat and felt panic rising. Steve looked in alarm at his doctor, "Can't move."
"There was a lot of swelling around the spinal cord from the trauma, but it is going down. You just have to hang in there."
"Don't give…," Steve begun but had to stop to breathe. It was suddenly hard to get enough air to talk. "Me any bullshit. I know what… pressure on the… spinal cord means." After this short sentence Steve felt like he had run a marathon; he was completely out of breath.
"Calm down, Commander, or I will have to sedate you," Young warned.
Steve made an effort to keep his breathing down, and to quell the panic. After a couple of minutes he felt like he was back in control. "OK, what's the plan?"
"That is what I need to discuss with you. Do you feel up to it? Are you in any pain?"
"No, no pain. I'm tired though," Steve said with a low voice.
Steve listened as his doctor outlined the finer points of the injury to his spine and his options. "So, I can take the surgery… or not?" Steve asked in confusion.
"Your latest MRI again showed that your fracture is stable, and you are not in danger of extensive movement," Young explained. "We would fit you with another TSO to keep your spine immobilized."
"TSO?"
"It's a brace fitted for you, a bit like the one you have now. Your back gets the support it needs and you wouldn't be able to bend or move sideways. Your vertebrae could heal without a risky operation. It's a good option for stable fractures."
"What do you suggest?"
"If you were mobile I would recommend the surgery, but to be blunt, Commander, you won't be moving around for a few weeks. The brace is the better option for you at the moment."
Steve looked at his doctor and had to admit that he liked him. He didn't hold back, and Steve had always been someone not to sugar coat anything. "OK."
"Good. Later today our specialist will take all your measurements to make your brace. Commander, don't fight sleep, you need the rest."
Steve listened to Young and it was already a struggle to follow what he was saying, so he gave in to the pull sleep had on him. His last thought was why Catherine wasn't here.
H50 - H50 - H50
Steve could hear Danny and Catherine softly talking, obviously so not to wake him. But he had been awake for a few minutes now. He had no idea how long he had been asleep after the guy who took his measurements had left. It had hurt to be moved, and he had been grateful when he had been done with it.
A nurse had come and injected something into his IV which Steve thought she should have done before that guy had started torturing him. But that was as far as he had come before he had fallen back to sleep. Or was knocked out by the narcotics.
"Whatever," Steve grumbled.
"Steve? Are you awake?" Danny asked.
"Next time you drink all the beer, you go fetch some more," Steve answered without opening his eyes.
"I promise, Buddy," Danny answered with a chuckle. "How do you feel?"
"Can't feel much of anything, they doped me up pretty good," Steve said with a low voice and finally opened his eyes. "Hey," he greeted his two friends.
"Hey yourself," Cath said. She stepped closer and gently laid her hand on the side of his cheek before bending down for a soft kiss. "You look a lot better than a couple of days ago."
"Days? How long… have I been… here?" Steve asked and wondered why he had to catch his breath. He couldn't seem to take enough air in to speak fluently.
"You were shot Friday night, now it's Tuesday. You remember being awake yesterday?" Catherine asked.
"Kind of. 'M not sure. What happened?" Steve asked and looked at his girlfriend, but closed his eyes when another wave of pain washed over him. "Chest hurts," he whispered.
He hadn't even finished speaking when the nurse came into the room. "Commander, everything OK? Your heart rate suddenly increased quite a bit. Are you in pain?"
"Chest and back."
"That was to be expected after all the testing. I'll increase your pain meds a little, OK?" Nurse Mikala said and pressed some buttons on a device behind Steve's bed. She also checked all the lines and tubes attached to Steve. After a minute she turned back to her patient. "How's it now?"
"Better, thank you," Steve answered and relaxed when the drugs did their work.
"Good," she said and smiled at the two friends watching her tending to Steve. "I'll be back again later. Call me if you need anything."
"Thank you," Cath said and watched her leave. "Maybe you should sleep some more-"
"No, just tell me… what happened please," Steve interrupted her. "I need to know."
"OK," Catherine agreed and took her place to his right, again taking his slack hand into hers. But looked down in surprise when she felt him lightly squeeze her hand.
"It's the only thing I can do right now," Steve told her smiling upon seeing her surprise.
"The rest will also come back, Steve," she again said with conviction and squeezed his hand back. "OK, where was I?"
"You haven't even started," Steve said and rolled his eyes at her. Which made her grin. It felt almost normal to talk to her like this.
Of course all normalcy left the room when Steve looked down at his body. He was only covered with a light sheet over his midsection, his legs were still exposed and rested in the leg-shaped foam pillows, keeping them at a certain angle. His elevated body was wrapped in bandages and casted with a brace that kept his upper body immobile. Which was a joke since he couldn't move even if he wanted to. But the doctor had told him it was of great importance to keep his spine completely immobile for the fractured bone to heal. Thankfully his head was free to move.
"Steve? You with us?"
"What?"
"You kind of zoned out there for a moment," Danny told him.
"Sorry. Please continue."
"OK. What do you remember?" Catherine asked him.
"Uh, I came home… and there was no beer," he said and again had to stop to take a deeper breath, which was hard to do. "I drove to "Kim's", got out… of the truck. That's it."
"You can't even remember going into the shop?"
"No."
Now Danny took over to tell Steve what happened after he had entered the store. "You went in the back door like you always do. You were barely inside when a bullet hit you in the chest. You went down and were unconscious all within 30 seconds of entering the shop," Danny told him and stopped. He looked at Catherine and then back at Steve. "You died there on the floor. The EMTs couldn't revive you but brought you to Queens, working on you the entire trip. You were taken to the OR without even stopping in the ER."
"Who shot me?"
"Sean Keoni."
"Who?"
"He's a 19 year old junkie who was high on speed and cocaine when he robbed Kim's store."
"Is Mr. Kim OK?" Steve wanted to know.
"John Kim was shot," Catherine softly told him. "We attended his funeral yesterday."
"John's dead? He was just… on a two week leave… from his duty in Iraq," Steve told them sadly. "How is his dad?"
"He is… OK I guess, but his grandfather took it very hard. He witnessed both his grandson's murder and you being shot. He hasn't spoken a word since."
"Did you get the guy?"
"When HPD heard you had been gunned down, everyone started looking for the guy caught on the surveillance tape. A lot even came back from off duty to help find him," Danny told him.
Steve was moved by such show of Ohana among the police force. "Thank you."
"They arrested him a couple of hours later. He has already confessed and will be charged with murder and attempted murder of a police official. He's facing life," Danny further explained.
"That won't bring… John Kim back," Steve said with a soft voice. "I'm sorry I didn't prevent any of-"
"Stop. Don't go there, Steve. You are as much a victim to this senseless crime as Kim. You couldn't have known that a robbery was in progress. None of this is your fault," Danny vehemently told him.
"I want to… see the tape," Steve voiced his request.
"Later you can. Dr. Young would have our heads if we showed you anything work related right now," Catherine said and raised her hand, stopping Steve's complaint. "I promise we will show it to you. When Dr. Young says it is OK to do so."
"OK, fine."
"Fine? Just like that?" Danny asked.
"Danny, I'm not gonna… jeopardize my life… for a stupid video… I know I'm at high… risk for any kind… of complications," Steve told his friend and wondered if Danny was aware of all the stuff that could happen to him. He leaned his head back and tried to catch his breath, but it was getting harder to breathe.
Steve weakly coughed, but due to his level of injury his coughing was not very effective. Even though patients with Steve's injury wouldn't normally require assistance, their breathing and cough ability would be compromised. Below T9 it rarely affected the breathing, but Steve's T6 was well in the range of breathing complications.
"Can't breathe," Steve managed to say while he still tried to draw in a decent amount of air.
A moment later he more felt like saw a lot of activity around him. Suddenly an oxygen mask was pressed over his mouth and nose and he felt air being pressed into his lungs. He greedily sucked it in, hoping the gray spots that had invaded his vision would recede.
His eyes closed on their own account and he was just too tired to fight against the pull the darkness had on him. The last he heard was Catherine calling his name.
H50 - H50 - H50