April wanted love and romance and passion and most of all, to just allow herself to go after what she wanted, even though her brain was screaming at her, that she was disappointing Jesus. She stared longingly at the back of Jackson's head as it was bent over a case file, a case that meant a great deal to him. A man had come in after falling while mountain climbing and had many fractures and broken cheekbones. He needed a facial reconstruction and Jackson was the guy to do it. Of course, this man was also crude and sarcastic and April knew he reminded Jackson of Mark. They hadn't talked about Mark in a long time. April quit asking about him after Matthew had proposed. She hated that she couldn't just talk to Jackson like a normal human being, like, "Hey, how's your day? How about those Mariners?" April knew she shouldn't have said yes to Matthew. Even though her brain told her, this is the guy who loves Jesus and loves your virginity and wants to be with you, because of it. Her heart wanted messy, fights, tears, fantastic sex, and mostly laughing and friendship and just being with someone. She wanted Jackson, but she had made the choice to say yes to Matthew, to continue this charade of happiness and bliss and being the perfect fiancée as they attended their engagement party and showers and bachelorette parties and Matthew had been kind and insisted on inviting Jackson to everything because he was her "best friend", but it wasn't the same after the engagement. Jackson quit bringing her favorite coffee at precisely 2:32 p.m. every afternoon, because she always took a bathroom break at 2:28. He quit texting her links to adorable puppies and kittens playing on Youtube, because he knew they'd make her smie, but mostly he quit smiling at her, like they shared some top secret inside joke that only they knew about. There were no more inside jokes, or splitting sandwiches at lunch, or even the ganging up on the new interns and making their lives miserable.
Jackson looked up at her and she froze. She should just look back down at her own chart and walk away. She should smile politely and then go find Matthew and get over this dangerous line of thinking, but instead she just stared at him. It was as if the whole world had just stopped and the only two people who were aware of it, were Jackson and April. Her heart said, "This one. This is the one you were made for, were destined for. This is your twin flame, your soul mate, the one." April decided it was time to follow her heart for once. She grinned at Jackson and took off running.
"Where the hell are you going, April?" Jackson called after her.
"Just hold on. Give me ten minutes."
April didn't have to look very hard for Matthew who was playing Gin Rummy with one of the kids in the children's ward.
She knew she should want this guy, who was fantastic and who wanted everything she had ever put down on paper, but her heart disagreed.
So she broke it off with him. There was anger and bitterness and tears, and then it was over.
She didn't want to dwell on the fact that she had just broken someone's heart, someone who deserved to be loved the way she loved Jackson.
She found him ten minutes later with Cristina making up nicknames for the new interns and dragged him into the on call room.
She told him what she had decided, what she felt, how much she missed him.
And he sighed and then grinned. He told her it was about damn time and then he was kissing her and April felt as if her entire life shifted back into place. Everything was clearer and sweeter and she couldn't hold back the tears of joy. It was nothing like what she had thought she wanted, but it was more, far more and she was happy.