A/N: I don't own Grey's, but I wish I did. Please, feel free to read and review.
Jackson sat in the office staring at the papers in front of him, April's signature were on all the appropriate lines and just waiting for him to add his own. She had really done it, signed the divorce papers and set him free. After all of the pain, the struggling, and the fighting, she had walked away and let him have the one thing he had wanted. But as he looked at the papers, he felt a knot in the pit of his stomach and realized that this…this wasn't what he wanted. It felt like the answer to everything because there was nothing more he could do. He had tried counseling with April and they always came back to the same fight about her running away to Jordan after Samuel died. And it was as if they couldn't move past that because he resented her for going because she was who he needed to cope, but she resented him for not understanding that Jordan gave her purpose again.
But then he thought to the conversation he had with Tatiana before giving her away at her wedding. How in marriage, you would have the same fight fifty times, but you couldn't allow it to become bigger than either of you. God was he biting his words now. His and April's fight, though not petty like most, was the same fight over and over again with no resolution and no give on either side. Until now. But as he looked at those papers in his hand, he couldn't bring himself to do it and slid them back to his lawyer before getting up and leaving without a word.
"Jackson, do you have time to do a consult?" a voice asked from behind him. He turned to see Callie standing there.
"Yeah, sure," he replied. A distraction from his present feelings of guilt would be welcome at this point. "What's going on?"
Callie showed him the chart of her patient, who needed skin grafting to repair damage done from an amputation. But they wanted it done flawlessly, which was why Jackson was the man for the job. He'd learned and perfected techniques taught to him by Sloan. Work was the one thing he needed right now and he was thankful for the distraction as he looked over the chart and then went with Callie to meet the patient. During the time after Samuel's death, work was all he had as April shut him out and then left to go to Jordan, so he coped by coming to work and not leaving for days. It wasn't really coping, but it was something.
After work and a nap in the on-call room, he left and drove around aimlessly for a while the next morning before winding up at the one place he didn't think he would; the apartment that was once home for him and April. April was staying here on her own since he wasn't going to kick her out, but he didn't expect to be here after this morning. He got out and walked up to the door, knocking on it since he didn't have a key anymore. The door unlocked and the knob turned, sending his stomach into a knot but when the door opened, he was surprised.
"Arizona…what are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing," she replied. "You just signed divorce papers yesterday morning, Jackson."
"I…I just wanted to talk to her. Please," he pleaded. He wanted to tell her that he didn't sign and that even though they had the same damn fight over and over again, he wanted to start over and really try to heal. To be honest with one another, even if it hurt, so they could truly heal.
"She's not here," the blonde replied. "I just came to lock up and get a few things."
"Wait…what do you mean she's not here?" he asked, panic rising in his chest. She couldn't have just left…Hunt would have told him, surely, if she'd up and quit.
"She needed some time…after yesterday morning, so she took some time off and decided to leave Seattle for a while," Arizona explained.
Jackson ran his hand over his head. He'd really screwed up this time and she'd run. April had a history of running to deal with things. And he knew the place she would probably go. Moline was the only safe place she had left, even if her family would probably be relentless about her getting a divorce since they didn't believe in it. But she wasn't divorced…not officially.
"Do you know when she'll be back?" he asked. He knew she wouldn't answer his phone calls or texts, so Arizona was literally the only link he had to his wife right now.
The blonde shook her head. "All I know is she said she was going to leave for a few weeks to clear her head. I told her to text or call me if she needed anything."
"Okay…if you hear from her, will you please tell me?" Jackson didn't know what else to do short of getting a plane to Ohio right now, but he knew she wouldn't want to see him and neither would her family. In fact, he was sure her father might shoot him on sight.
"Jackson, do you think that's a good idea?"
"Just…tell me she's okay, alright?" He didn't have time to argue with Arizona about the politics of his marriage. He just wanted to know that April was okay and that someone was taking care of her.
"Okay, but I won't say anymore."
With that, Jackson left the apartment and returned to his car. He pulled out his cell phone and debated calling April for a moment, but decided that it wasn't the best idea given the circumstances. Instead, he put the car in drive and went back to the new apartment he had rented to stay in, hoping April would decide to come home and they could begin again.
April sat in her childhood room, looking at the walls. Her posters had been taken down and a few things had changed, but otherwise it was very much the same room where she had grown up. After dropping the bomb on Arizona last night that she was pregnant, she decided that she needed to get away for a little while until she felt she was able to face Jackson post-divorce and now that she was pregnant with their second child. And home, in Ohio, was the only place she could think of where she would be safe and able to hide for a little while.
She had sat in that room with the lawyers, on the verge of tears, as she looked at her husband and asked him if he really wanted the divorce. An hour earlier, she had been in the bathroom taking a pregnancy test. She had debated telling him, but she knew it would have stopped him from doing the thing he wanted to do. And she didn't want him to stay with her out of obligation to their child. That was no reason to stay in a marriage because babies didn't fix relationships that were already broken. In fact, they sometimes tore it apart even further. Samuel's death had ripped them apart because she had been selfish in her coping and not realized how desperately Jackson had needed her. So she had to do the hardest thing in the world…and allow him to have what he wanted, even though she truly didn't want to divorce the only man in the world she loved as much as she loved Jackson.
"April?" There was a soft knock at the door before it opened to reveal her dad.
"I didn't think anyone was home yet," she said, looking at him.
"Your mother is working, but I just got back from the supply store…you didn't tell us you were coming into town," Joe said, coming over and sitting on the bed beside her. "Is something wrong?"
For a moment, she held her composure. But her dad…was her dad and he was someone who listened. "Dad…Jackson and I…are over."
"What happened…did he cheat on you?" Her father seemed offended immediately and like most fathers would, put the blame immediately on the other party.
"No…Jackson wouldn't ever do that," she said, biting her lip as more tears welled up in her eyes. Jackson might not have shared her faith, but he was a faithful husband and they had loved each other. "After we lost our son, everything just fell apart. I shut him out and when I went to Jordan…I abandoned him to grieve alone for Samuel."
The words coming out were harsh and depreciating of herself and her actions, but they were very true. She had abandoned Jackson to deal with his grief while she went overseas to deal with her own instead of leaning on each other like they should have. Hindsight was twenty-twenty and now that she had taken steps back to see the damage that was done, she realized how hard she had been on Jackson when trying to make him see her point of view instead of seeing his too.
"Honey, you and Jackson went through a terrible thing…something no parents should ever go through," her father said, looking at her sympathetically. "Everyone grieves in their own way and sometimes…we get lost in that grief and forget that we aren't the only ones grieving."
"When Samuel died…I died too," she admitted, wiping her tears. "And I didn't realize that Jackson did too…he hid his pain because he wanted to put me first. I didn't put him first like I should have and no one took care of him…I should have been there…I should have…"
"There are times in a marriage when things are tested in the most difficult way," her father began to say.
She shook her head and looked at him as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "I tried…I wanted to mend it, Dad. We went to counseling and it just didn't work. Everything always kept coming back to the same fight about me going to Jordan. And then he finally told me that when I left, he was dying…he never told me that before."
"And what happened from there?" Her father, while strong in his own beliefs, had always been a good listener and willing to see another's point.
"I knew that the only way to allow him to heal was to give him what he wanted…to set him free," she quietly admitted. "I couldn't keep making him stay because I wanted him to. I couldn't keep hurting him, Daddy. As much as it kills me, I love Jackson and he deserves to find his own peace."
Joe nodded and kissed her forehead. "I understand the pain you're going through right now isn't easy, but you're welcome to stay here as long as you need."
"Thank you, Daddy," she said softly.
April still hadn't told anyone, aside from Arizona, that she was pregnant with her second child. That was a secret she intended to hold onto for a little while longer while she tried to sort through all the emotions swirling inside of her. She was joyful that she was getting a second chance to be a mom, but fearful at the same time because of her experiences with Samuel. Her heart told her that this baby was a blessing, but her head was telling her that it was going to make things worse when Jackson found out. But she wouldn't keep him from their baby and had committed herself to keeping things good between them for their child's sake. At least that's what she hoped. For now, she was going to take time to lick her wounds and heal here in Moline.