It was late. Or rather, it was early morning. For the last few hours, Light had been trying desperately to get L to go to bed, to sleep, because he'd been practically falling asleep where he sat. Light was tired, too, but he was willing to put that aside for L.
His feelings for L had grown into something that slightly unsettled him when he cared to stop and think about it. As it was, he was almost certain that whatever it was, L felt something similar.
"Come on, L. Shower." He stood and pulled L with him. His eyes were lidded, his face even more pale than it usually was, and Light had to almost carry L to their en-suite bathroom. He undressed them both, unbothered that both of them were naked - it was just skin, after all, and got the shower switched on.
By this time, L was almost completely asleep, though he was able to wash his own hair and body, his movements sluggish and lacking all the usual daintiness with which L interacted with the world.
L's inhibitions were lowered and so Light took advantage of that, asking the other man the first question that came to mind.
"If I was Kira, what would you do upon finding out?" He was curious, he realised, though he had to keep the hope repressed, already suspecting the answer.
"I would turn you in, of course. Kira is the world's greatest criminal at the present date."
Light repressed a sigh. It figured.
"Good thing I'm not Kira, then." He grinned, lathering up his hair.
L hummed thoughtfully, not paying attention. "We shall see, Light-kun."
"If… If duty wasn't important to you, hypothetically speaking, then would you turn me in or would you keep me under surveillance just like I am now?"
Light found himself hanging onto L's every word, trying to find a way to make this, make them, work.
L was silent for a time, his head tilted up to the showerhead. Light felt the sudden urge to kiss the pale skin and mark it as his own.
"In such a situation, I would keep you with me, though it would be a punishment. You would help me on cases. You are, after all, my intellectual equal and it would be a waste for you to rot in prison."
Silence fell and Light felt like he was going to vomit.
"L… This thing between us, the glances and the talks. Do you think they could ever amount to anything?"
At that, L's gaze sharpened as he examined Light's face, searching for something. He seemed to find it, for he smiled slightly and said, "It could, Light-kun, had we met under different circumstances."
"What about now?" Light sounded desperate even to his own ears, so goodness knew what L was hearing.
L hummed again and Light counted himself lucky that L was taking the time to have a real conversation with him, weighting his questions seriously.
"It is true that you are my only real friend, Light-kun, but you are my prime suspect and therefore there is a conflict of interest."
All at once, Light wished he'd never picked up that stupid black notebook. How could this happen to me? He bit down on his rising anger and said, "But I am not Kira!"
L gave Light his customary 'really?' look, making the younger man sigh.
"I'm done here." Light had indeed finished and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his hips and waiting for L.
The two men dried and dressed and went to bed, Light following L's lead. They laid down side by side, untouching, separated by could-would-should and the wall of unspoken words that lay between them.
Just as Light was drifting to sleep, he thought he felt L's perpetually cold fingers wrap around his own under the cover and a whispered, "I am sorry, Light-kun."
Light was asleep before he could respond.