"But you're on your own tonight.
Though you know I'll miss your smile...
The words inside my head,
Are better than the words I've said..
As always..."
-'Crazy' sung by Nine Days
*
Well, I know, just as 'he' knew that I've always loved him. And I always will. What am I going on about, you ask? The one. The one that I let go away, the one that hurt me so bad I didn't want to go on, the one that through the stormy weather I 'stood' by. I did not falter in danger; my faith did not crumble, my love did not give way.
But his did.
He was a good boy, and he'll grow up to be a good man. I saw him and I knew. Just like you know what feels good and what doesn't. You know when you see someone who will grow up to be a good person. Not that it was wickedly obvious. He is the most arrogant, cocky, full of himself, rude, jerk that I have ever met in the history of my life. And he, in the same token, is one of the only jerks that I will tolerate. Because, you see, he really isn't.
I mean, he is. But he can be one of the sweetest little things you've ever seen! No kidding! He isn't my sweet boyfriend anymore though, as though I actually ever thought I was worthy of him. I wasn't. And I never will be.
I fell for the impossible. I was young then, with an emerald green bow in my unmanageable red hair, my heart on my sleeve. My emotions on a platter. He came from a family 'name' that mine did not like in the slightest. For it is a well-known fact that Malfoy's don't mix well with Weasley's. And anyone who's anyone knows 'that.' It hurt, to like someone as much as I liked him.
You don't know what it feels like to be so emotionally attached to someone, and then have to let it all go. You don't know what it feels like to love someone, so much that if you were on the sinking Titanic you would give them your spot on the last lifeboat. You don't know what it feels like to share your life with someone, and then go back to isolation. You don't know what it feels like to want so much to be loved, and never 'feel' it inside. You don't know what it feels like to give your heart to this guy, and then come to collect it and it's broken and bleeding more than you've ever seen anything broken and bleeding before. You don't know what it feels like for someone to stare at you with these gorgeous icy blue eyes and eat your heart out on a golden platter. You don't know what it feels like when he looks at you and says, "I love you more than strawberry milkshakes," and then he kisses your nose.
And you'll never know; because 'you' won't make the same mistake that I did. You aren't going to be weak, and you aren't going to give your heart out as though it was meant to give. You are going to love yourself. Because, love, I have come to learn is merely allowing someone else to love you more than you could ever love yourself. And love is a pointless and cruel display of feigned affection, cruelty, and unfaithfulness.
Love, is not a force to be reckoned with.
And then you learn, just like you learned that no one can live forever, and even if they could that would take the fun out of life. You learn that despite the fact that love hurts and makes you feel more pain than you've ever felt in your young life; you learn that it really is sickening, cruel, and gorgeous. All in one twisted heap. It's the last breath as you fall onto the dusty floor. It's the last minute on earth as the world comes crashing to a mutinous end.
It's the last strawberry milkshake; when you've already had your fill.
*
Though you know I'll miss your smile...
The words inside my head,
Are better than the words I've said..
As always..."
-'Crazy' sung by Nine Days
*
Well, I know, just as 'he' knew that I've always loved him. And I always will. What am I going on about, you ask? The one. The one that I let go away, the one that hurt me so bad I didn't want to go on, the one that through the stormy weather I 'stood' by. I did not falter in danger; my faith did not crumble, my love did not give way.
But his did.
He was a good boy, and he'll grow up to be a good man. I saw him and I knew. Just like you know what feels good and what doesn't. You know when you see someone who will grow up to be a good person. Not that it was wickedly obvious. He is the most arrogant, cocky, full of himself, rude, jerk that I have ever met in the history of my life. And he, in the same token, is one of the only jerks that I will tolerate. Because, you see, he really isn't.
I mean, he is. But he can be one of the sweetest little things you've ever seen! No kidding! He isn't my sweet boyfriend anymore though, as though I actually ever thought I was worthy of him. I wasn't. And I never will be.
I fell for the impossible. I was young then, with an emerald green bow in my unmanageable red hair, my heart on my sleeve. My emotions on a platter. He came from a family 'name' that mine did not like in the slightest. For it is a well-known fact that Malfoy's don't mix well with Weasley's. And anyone who's anyone knows 'that.' It hurt, to like someone as much as I liked him.
You don't know what it feels like to be so emotionally attached to someone, and then have to let it all go. You don't know what it feels like to love someone, so much that if you were on the sinking Titanic you would give them your spot on the last lifeboat. You don't know what it feels like to share your life with someone, and then go back to isolation. You don't know what it feels like to want so much to be loved, and never 'feel' it inside. You don't know what it feels like to give your heart to this guy, and then come to collect it and it's broken and bleeding more than you've ever seen anything broken and bleeding before. You don't know what it feels like for someone to stare at you with these gorgeous icy blue eyes and eat your heart out on a golden platter. You don't know what it feels like when he looks at you and says, "I love you more than strawberry milkshakes," and then he kisses your nose.
And you'll never know; because 'you' won't make the same mistake that I did. You aren't going to be weak, and you aren't going to give your heart out as though it was meant to give. You are going to love yourself. Because, love, I have come to learn is merely allowing someone else to love you more than you could ever love yourself. And love is a pointless and cruel display of feigned affection, cruelty, and unfaithfulness.
Love, is not a force to be reckoned with.
And then you learn, just like you learned that no one can live forever, and even if they could that would take the fun out of life. You learn that despite the fact that love hurts and makes you feel more pain than you've ever felt in your young life; you learn that it really is sickening, cruel, and gorgeous. All in one twisted heap. It's the last breath as you fall onto the dusty floor. It's the last minute on earth as the world comes crashing to a mutinous end.
It's the last strawberry milkshake; when you've already had your fill.
*