Fandom: Queer as Folk
Title: Broken
Characters: Brian and Justin
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating/Warnings: R. Slash, OOC.
Summary: Justin's feelings after the bashing.
A/N: This story is unbeta'd. Thanks to anyone who reads and reviews.
Disclaimer: I don't own Queer As Folk or anything you recognize and I don't claim to. I make no money for writing this, and Cowlip and Showtime own QAF.
*Broken*
Justin's POV:
I feel broken, battered, like I'm no good to anyone. My gimp hand is pretty much useless, and being around people, scares the shit out of me. When in crowds, I feel like the walls are closing in, and I have to fight the urge to scream or flee the scene.
The worst thing is though, that I miss Brian, and I want to see him. But of course, he is nowhere to be seen. It's just like him, to go into pain management mode.
I heard from Daphne, that Brian showed up at the Prom after all, and he danced with me. I cannot believe it, but everyone keeps telling me that it's true.
Daphne heard from Brian, about what happened with Chris, and then she had told me. Part of me wonders if I'm dreaming, and if so, when I'll wake up from this nightmare.
I must be in shock, or something, because I still can't believe Chris would hate me enough, to take a bat to my head and try to kill me. But because of his actions, I have scars both internally and externally.
I have a fear of letting anyone touch me, and I have nightmares that never seem to go away. I stay in, in the daytime, tucked away in my room, and at night I wake up sweating and screaming from a nightmare.
I have these strange fits of rage that come and go at any given time. I scared my mother and Molly one day, when they came in, my room as I was ripping pictures off the wall, and throwing things around the room.
I actually pushed my mother, and if that wasn't bad enough, it was in front of Molly. The poor kid, I bet she probably thinks that she has a psycho for an older brother now.
I can't blame her, and I don't. Molly doesn't even know half of what's been going on for the last year or so. I mean, she does know that I'm gay, but she really understand, and she doesn't know that my father had thrown me out.
Dear old Craig told my sister that I decided to leave our family behind, because my 'disgusting lifestyle' meant more to me, than she or my mother did. It's no wonder she hates me.
I don't really know what to do anymore. I have been staying with my mother and Molly ever since the bashing and I feel like I want to scream. Every single time I turn around now, there she is, my mother.
She's crowding me, and really bugging the crap out of me. I mean, I know that my mother is worried and concerned for me, and I'm grateful, but she's driving me insane.
As I slide silently from my bed, I quickly change and climb out the window. I slowly climb down the tree, and I leave the house, needing some air. I pull a cigarette from my pocket, and a lighter.
I light the cigarette up, and I consider searching for Brian, but is it really worth it? Do I really want to subject myself to the pain of seeing him fucking or sucking some other guy, so soon after everything that has happened?
But then again, it's not like it really matters. Most of the time I don't feel anything, and then sometimes I have my fits of rage. I feel something that is broken and needs to be fixed.
Brian's the only one who understands. He's the only who knows how to fix me, and yet he won't. I guess I'm really beyond help at this point, so I guess I can expect to remain broken forever.
The end.