Epic Rap Battles of Ace Attorney
#1: Franziska Von Karma vs. Athena Cykes
This was the weirdest idea anyone had had in a long time. But the district needed money to fix Courtroom No. 4, and rap battles were popular among the younger folks. Plus they'd managed to find two generous hosts in the form of Wocky Kitaki and newly rehabitated Marlon Rimes. They'd be seated in the judge's bench while a prosecutor and a defense attorney went at each other's throats, rap-battle style.
Since impromptu rap battles appeared to be the most popular, names would be drawn out of a hat to discover who the competitors were. Just like they were now.
Phoenix drew a name from the defense's side first. He unfolded it, and read aloud. "Athena Cykes."
Edgeworth was next. He pulled a name out of the prosecutor's cup, smirking when he saw it. "Franziska Von Karma."
The assembled crowd cheered at the announcement, despite not knowing who either of those women were. Both stood from the places in the gallery with a game face ready.
They took their places on the opposite ends of the courtroom. Wocky sat in the judge's seat, feet up on the desk. "No weapons," Franziska lowered her whip. Then he turned to Athena. "And no martial arts." She sighed.
Marlon Rimes finished off to Wocky's left side: "Let the rap battle begin!" He began to bust a beat.
Franziska went first:
"Who dares put me up against this foolish little brat?
I owned the female lead 'leven years before THAT!
You're a tough female lawyer with the power of your rage?
I came here first: Get you ass off my stage!
Rightful heir of Von Karma, youngest lawyer to date.
Step aside, little princess, while I seal your whole fate!
When you were crying for your mother, I rebuilt my reputation.
Pick up that mic and come and face your ruination!" The prosecutor cracked her whip for effect, trying to make her opponent flinch. Meanwhile, the gallery was in awe that any of these lawyers could rap.
Athena waited for a second, then casually picked up the mic:
"The rich girl with attitude is threatened by ME?
I worked my way through law school, you just relied on your Daddy!
Ooh look! A big WHIP? to keep yourself safe?
I throw men to the ground, knock them straight on their face.
You're not a female lead, you're just a rival in the set.
Oh, and what's this I hear? Ha! The weakest one yet?!
Every rival got three cases... except for you.
Can I borrow Blackquill's sword? I'll run it straight through you." she finished her rap off with a point and smile.
Now Franziska looked pissed. She slammed the bench hard, mic held in a death grip:
"You want to talk cases? Well take a look at this:
You barely won one, I took my streak to year fifth!
Perfect role, perfect style: you should run away fast.
I tackle crime 'round the world, while you dig through your past.
I had a role for four games, you bored people on your first.
Down at your agency, fans rated you the worst.
I work my own cases, you're a glorified aid.
Trucy Wright's the assistant: you're way overplayed!"
From the audience, Trucy looked shocked. But the blue haired woman wasn't finished, it seemed.
"I took out the smuggling ring, helped capture Simon Keyes.
You got locked up all day, had Foolish Wright set you free.
You couldn't catch the Phantom, you just chased your own ghosts.
When this rap battle ends, you'll see that I deserve the most!
The Queen of Prosecutors and the Trophy of all rap.
Meanwhile, you'll just he lucky to win a pity clap."
Phoenix looked over to Athena anxiously. She had one more verse to make this right.
But she didn't look worried at all. She turned on Widget, and held the mic one more time.
"Oh, I get it now! I see into your heart!
Or at least, I would, if empty space wasn't dark!
You whipped the boss to unconsciousness, threw a fit like a brat.
And just because you lost? Well... get used to that!
You never could evolve, never left your father's shadow.
Will you STILL think you're perfect, once I win this rap battle?
You throw your taunts and whips, but to me they're sticks and stones.
Your words will never hurt me, because guess what I've outgrown?
I shed my fear from eleven, fought to make the dark age right,
while you fled from America, and hid your ass from sight.
Thanks to stupid shallow anger, you resort to petty violence?
I only use for self defense, cut the Phantom's hand in silence.
The truth will set you free: you're an Edgeworth expy.
I'm the real girl prodigy, bright green for glee!"
And with that, the whole courtroom cheered. Wocky yucked it up from his place as host, then called out to the audience: "Who won? Who's next? You decide!"
That day, the district made almost $600.00 in revenue, just from the rap battle.
Oh yeah. They were definitely holding one next week.
A/N's: Yeah, I cannot rap in real life. At all. That said, this was fun to write. I'd be happy to do more of them. And to think, this all started as a prompt on the kink meme.
Please note, I did my best to keep that battle fair, because I love them both to pieces (and they would whip me/throw me to the ground if I portrayed them badly). Who do you think won?
Oh, and my question at the end was serious: who's next? I really want to post more of these. Just leave your pick in the review box, and I'll consider it. Currently, I am willing to do twelve (I may increase that number) and plan to end with Edgeworth v. Wright. The same character can participate in several rap battles, just so you know.
Thanks for reading, and I'll see you on the far side!