No one was entirely sure how it happened, but by the time anyone realised how unusual it was, they were already getting married. Levi knew though. He could remember the first day he looked at his partner with real meaning, when thoughts of love had entered his head.

It was when they were still cleaning out the castle that the idea came to mind, sparked by a childish comment from Eren as the boy complained. "Why don't you just marry your broom?" He had muttered while wiping the wooden surface of a table.

And so, five years later, he did.

Originally, he had just rolled his eyes like he did to anything Eren said, but then the idea had sunk in. He tried to dismiss it- they were in the middle of a war for God's sake!- but it was already lodged in his brain, and he suddenly became protective of the broom as he saw Petra harshly brushing at the stone floor.

"Get off it!" He shouted at her, pulling the broom away from her grasp. The sound echoed off the walls and Petra looked shocked upon being shouted at like that.

She looked up at Levi, her eyes shining in the light, forecasting tears. "W-was I doing something wrong?" She asked, her voice wobbling. It was pretty much common knowledge that she had a crush on Levi, but he refused to acknowledge it.

"You were using it wrong." He stated, anger still evident in his tone. "Your supposed to be making the floor cleaner, not abusing cleaning equipment. Go see if Hanji has any jobs that need doing in the garden." He told her. She nodded quickly left, trying to avoid him seeing the look of hurt in her face. Levi ignored her anyway, instead turning his attention to the broom that he held in his hands.

He traced his hand along the wood, feeling the grooves and chips that time has cut into her after years of use. He noted that she was quite young but that didn't make a difference to their love; all the ones his age were rotting old pieces of driftwood whereas his broom was different. His broom. He liked the sound of it. His broom. His broom. His broom. He let his hands slide down her, to the pointed sticks at the bottom and caressed the fine wood.

That was only the beginning.

Over time, their relationship became more intense, more romantic, more passionate. This also caused suspicion from the rest of the squad as he became more protective of his soul mate. Just seeing someone else lay their hands on her made him shout at them or even use violence when they told him 'it's just a broom'. And the noises coming from the cleaning supplies room didn't help.

Petra knew how much Levi hated dirty floors, so when she had trudged mud into the castle she immediately went in search of the broom closet in both an attempt to clean up, and impress her Senpai. When she heard the noises coming from it, she dismissed them as someone being too loud with the pots. The author would like to describe the scene that Petra saw as she opened the door, but for the purpose of keeping the rating below an M, it won't be included.

She screamed in shock and slammed the door closed, falling back onto the floor out of sheer horror. She knew she'd have nightmares that night. She'd never be able to look at brooms again. She'd go into depression. She'd-

"Petra what's wrong?!" Hanji shouted at her, shaking the girl to bring her out of her daze. Petra tried to focus on what was happening but the image that she had seen filled her mind, pushing away any other thoughts. Her breathing was slowing down but there were still small beads of sweat on her forehead. Eventually she calmed down enough so that she could focus on the people in front of her. Most of the residents of the castle were there, looking down at Petra with concern on their faces.

"I... He... They... No- argh!" She hid her eyes with her hands in an attempt to make the picture go away, failing miserably.

"Spit it out woman!" Hanji shouted.

A door creaked open from behind and everyone turned to see Levi walk out cautiously, straightening his clothes, the disgruntled hair not going unnoticed. There was a second's pause when all anyone could do was stare as they put two and two together before Levi walked away down the hall in confident strides, his footsteps echoing off the stone floor. As he turned the corner everyone looked back at the woman with her knees drawn to her chest.

"Wait, he was..." Hanji failed to finish the sentence but Petra understood and nodded quickly, not looking up. "With..." Again she nodded. "But..." Hanji faltered. She stood up and turned to everyone in the hallway. "I think we should just get back to work and leave Levi's private life to himself." She stated. No one argued and as Hanji led Petra away the soldiers dispersed and went back to their usual state, slightly uneasy about what they had just found out.

It all became a lot more normal after that and the sounds that echoed through the empty halls at night became a lot more normal. They respected Levi's privacy even if having a relationship with an inanimate object was a bit unsettling. It was really no surprise when he announced his engagement.

Now, as Levi looked at his wife-to-be, her wooden body clad in silk, he couldn't be happier. You could tell by the sight twitch at the corners of his mouth. The sun made his broom shine with a chestnut glow in her polished skin and the dress was tight but fitting, plain but beautiful. As the mute, inanimate, cleaning supply said her vows, Levi was happy to call his broom his wife.

I'm not entirely sure how this happened. I think I made a deal with the devil (fatcat335) and agreed to write this if she wrote a Levi x Mr Muscle fanfic. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it because it was fun to write. Leci x cleaning equipment has to be my OTP in SNK (along with Ymir/Historia, Connie/Sasha, Jean/Marco and Eren/Armin. Maybe a bit a Armin/Shrek (don't ask))

Reviews are appreciated, thanks for reading!