We decided to keep it a secret from everyone; not just from our viewers, but from friends and family, too. There was enough speculation about the two of us to begin with, from the fans and from anyone who really knew us at all. I guess I make it way too obvious that I'm just as smitten with Phil as the day I laid eyes on him –cheesy enough for a greeting card but all too embarrassingly true. I'm pretty sure Phil likes it, though –that I'm still so infatuated like a lovesick schoolgirl. It makes me cringe sometimes, but then I remember exactly who it is I'm fawning over and it's like, "oh yeah, no wonder."

I was sitting in my room, in some crippling position with my laptop as I scrolled aimlessly through my dashboard. I was sort of blind to all the pictures and the occasional text post blurring by as I skimmed a bit too quickly, but I didn't really plan on reblogging anything, either. I was sort of killing time until I had to film. I could hear Phil through the wall, making his own video. We really need a second tripod.

Despite what most fanfiction –which I do read on occasion- say, just because we're in a relationship does not mean we're sharing a bedroom, let alone a bed. I've created a bit of a conundrum with how it's painful to be apart from Phil, and yet I still feel I need my own space. That's not to say we don't love to cuddle and all that, and share beds for that kind of thing, and on occasion we will spend the night together, but it probably doesn't help that we haven't had sex yet.

But hold on, you might ask: two young, attractive bisexuals, living in the same flat and just a doorway apart from the other, had been friends with benefits for a time, always best friends and now dating for three months, and they haven't had the sex? YES, I KNOW –I get enough of that from myself every day. And at night I only think about it more, think about what sex with Phil would be like, fantasize while I took care of the problem myself –it's a workout, really.

And I don't know why we haven't had sex. I do –Phil isn't ready. He's not a virgin, not even a "with a guy" virgin; the things I knew firsthand that he could do with his mouth had to be expertly fashioned. I didn't quite understand it, but I'd just remind myself that I didn't have to understand it: I love Phil, and I just accept that he doesn't want to yet. (A sweet kiss and "You just let me know when you're ready.")

The door creaked open and I perked up, setting my laptop aside and waiting curiously. My room was always open for Phil to come and leave as he pleased, but he was moving unusually slow coming in. When I could finally see his head peak around the edge of the door, he looked tired. I glanced at the time: half past midight. The night was young for someone who would spend the next three hours on the internet, but Phil wasn't as nocturnal as I am.

He dragged his feet to the bed and collapsed down into it, curling in on himself slightly. I hopped up to put my Macbook away and returned to lie down next to him. He scooted closer, pressed against my side now. He was warm and I was happy.

"Have you finished filming or are you taking a snuggle break?" I smiled, staring at his face. I knew that one was probably as likely as the other, but he looked so tired he might fall asleep in my bed tonight, and it wouldn't make sense to film on two different days. He'd set aside today for that, and I wanted to maybe just do something tomorrow. And by 'do something' I mean not do anything, because that's what we do: we do nothing, but we do it together.

He nodded and laced his fingers between mine, slipping into sleepy fidgeting as he tried to stay awake enough for this conversation. "Kind of. I don't think it came out okay, I'm gonna have to try again."

I shook my head a bit and tightened my hold on his hand. "I'm sure it's fine, they're gonna love it. Don't go stressing yourself out over little things."

He smirked at me, eyes blinking drearily. "You're one to talk, staying up all hours trying to make everything just right. Procrastination and perfectionism is a deadly combination, Daniel."

"Fuck off," I laughed, leaning in for a chaste kiss.

"No really, when did you promise your subscribers you would have the next video up by?"

That was probably my most fatal flaw and the reason I always got complaints when I upload two, three days later than everyone was anticipating. I cleared my throat nervously. "Er, Friday," I mumbled.

He laughed and I hit his arm defensively, but I couldn't help but smile, too. His laugh was angelic, and he was too tired to try to cover it up so I was lucky enough to catch that adorable tongue thing he does that makes me melt. I couldn't help but kiss him again. "Not funny."

"Dan, you can't get a video filmed and uploaded in two days." I buried my face into the sheet, embarrassed. He understood and reached a hand out and rubbed my arm, soothing me. "I know you always intend to get them up when you say you will, but you've admitted to being a hopeless procrastinator. Why do you even tell them?"

"They're always asking and I like to give them something to look forward to. I mean, if they're watching my videos, they probably have nothing better to do."

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I smiled against him and relished the warmth and just the closeness. Phil always had a sort of calming presence that I'd grown to know well and fondly over the last few years, with everything that was going on. When life gets hectic, it's nice to have that one thing you know is always going to be there waiting after a long day; we were each other's constants in life, and I couldn't wish for anything better.