A/N-Okay, this is my 2nd fanfic on here, and I hope it's good! This chapter takes place durring summer break between the 2nd and 3rd season and in the first episode. I don't know where the idea came from, but PLEASE review to let me know if I should continue it...if you like it, REVIEW! Cause' if no one tells me they like it, I'm not putting up another chapter if no ones gonna' read it aha(: So pleaaaase review pleaaase...thanks and enjoy the story! Oh, and by the way, i'm not sure if anything bad will be in here, I just put T in case something does come up that's bad...and Quinn and Beth are the main characters, but there is going to be a lot of Santana and other characters too...okay, NOW enjoy the story! aha(:
Anddd...Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ANY CHARACTERS IN THE SHOW. Kay, NOOW enjoy(:
Chapter One-Summer Break/Ep.1
They all stare at me like I'm some kind of freak. They point as I walk down the hallway, I can hear their whispers as I crawl away under the bleachers. I feel their cold eyes staring me down with hatred, I can almost taste the disappointment they all feel when they see me. They don't look at the rest of the Skanks like that. They know that's how the rest of the Skanks have always been. But me? I used to be so much, to mean something to people. I was the president of the celibacy club, I had the perfect family, I went to church every Sunday, I was head cheerleader of the varsity cheer team, I was dating the most popular guy in school, I was beautiful (Not to sound conceited), I had it all, I had a wonderful voice, I could even dance almost perfectly. Until I got pregnant by my best friend's ex boyfriend. We weren't really friends, we just had to make it seem that way since we were both the top cheerleaders. But after I delivered the baby, everything went back to normal. I almost won prom queen, until Kurt won it, but that was just a joke. I probably would have won if people didn't hate Kurt so much. But when things really changed, when everything went bad, is when Shelby Corcaron called me from New York. And she let me listen to my baby on the phone. The way my heart felt like it was falling out of my chest, like all the breath was being ripped from my body as my brain began to deteriorate inside me. I couldn't take it. And seeing the only piece of my child I still had, Noah Puckerman, with another girl, it just ripped me to pieces. I wanted my baby back so bad, I wanted to be able to hold her and tell her that I'm her mother, and that I'd do anything for her. I wanted that for me and I wanted it for her. She called about 2 weeks after the last day of my junior year, I'll never forget the pain that came into me with each word she said.
"Hello? Quinn?" I heard a voice say from the other side of my voice. I wanted to hang up, after all, it was 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday during summer break.
"What?" I replied, probably a little meaner than necessary.
"It's Shelby." I nearly dropped my phone. No, it couldn't be.
"R-Rachel's Mom Shelby? Beth's adoptive mom Shelby?" I stuttered as I tried to force the words out. I was definitely awake now.
"Yes. How are you?"
"Why are you calling me?" I ignored her question. Why was she doing this to me? Was she trying to make me feel bad for doing this to my child? It was working.
"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking. About how I felt when I gave Rachel up to her dads instead of keeping her. I felt like I was abandoning my child, like I was just giving her away. I thought about how she must of felt, like her mother didn't care enough to want her. And it killed me everyday."
"Why are you reminding me of this?" I asked, barely able to keep the tears back. I knew exactly what she was saying.
"Well, I don't want you, or Beth, to feel the way I did with Rachel. I don't want Beth to be almost 17 before you even meet her. I want her to know that you didn't give her up for adoption because you didn't care about her. I want her to be able to say "my mother loves me." And believe every word of it."
"So, you want me to take her back?" I asked confused.
"No, I just want you and Noah to be able to be a part of her life. You know, come down for birthdays, talk on the phone, send presents and stuff. I'll pay for plane tickets and stuff like that."
"I don't know if I can do that. I miss her so much, and if I can only be a part of her life, I'm not sure I can handle that, without my heart breaking all together. I'm sorry Shelby, why don't you call Puck and see what he thinks?"
"I understand Quinn. Sorry if I woke you. Just, listen to this real quick." And as soon as her heard the first mumble, the first word, that's when I couldn't fight the tears anymore.
"Mama, mama!" I heard a baby giggle over the phone. Tears poured down my face. She cooed over the phone, just baby babble but I still loved her more and more with each sound, but the pain in my chest grew almost to a breaking point. I couldn't even say bye. I just couldn't being myself to do it.
"I love you, Beth." It was barely a whisper. I hung up the phone and collapsed on my bed crying. I think that's where the depression started.
Brittany was the first to call me. I grew more and more detached with each ring, until finally it went to voice-mail. Santana was the next to call, probably to yell at me for ignoring Britt. I just let the phone ring. Puck called, Finn called, Kurt and Mercedes called. Mike and Tina called me. Artie and Blaine called. Even Sam called, and he had unexpectedly moved to another city the day after school ended. Each time my phone went off, I sank more and more into my own universe, ignoring reality and living in my own nightmarish fantasy of hell. I wanted the pain to stop. I thought maybe, maybe if I made how I felt a little more visible it'd go away. I chopped my hair off with a razor, trying to make my pain fall with each strand of hair. It didn't work. I colored it pink, trying to make myself different from the girl I used to be. I thought maybe if I changed me, the pain would go away. It didn't work. What the hell, I told myself as I walked through the tattoo shop, letting them stick needles in my ears and nose, even my bellybutton. I just wanted this pain to stop! Everywhere I turned I saw Beth looking at me with tears in her eyes thinking, Didn't my mom love me? Every little girl I saw felt like needles piercing through my skin. I didn't even feel conscious as I let the guy in the tattoo shop put a tattoo of Ryan Seacrest across my lower back. I ran out of the place when he finished, just needing to get away from all the people. I felt like they were staring at me, looking into my mind, like they knew everything about me. They didn't know anything! I cried. For so many reasons. The pain I was in, the misery, the way I'd been acting, the way I became detached from all my friends, from reality. The way I feel like I'm losing my mind. I stormed through the mall, taking every shirt, every stitch of slutty clothing I could afford. I felt like if people were going to stare at me, I needed to feel like they had a reason to look at me. None of it worked. I came home, summer break half way already, and stared at myself in the mirror. Quinn Fabray didn't stare back at me. Just a girl with a far away look in her eyes, with a nose ring and cracked lips, with no makeup and short choppy pink hair showing off most of her stomach. And where her abs used to be just flat, too thin skin, from skipping meals all together. Eating just seemed like to much of a hassle, and even my skin tight clothes seemed baggy. The girl in the mirror wasn't me, it was some deranged child. The girl looking back at me looked crazy.
I thought that over time, the pain would go away. I thought maybe it was just a momentary depression. But it took over my life. It felt like being sad took all my energy. I didn't have time to eat or sleep. Just lay in my bed and stare at my ceiling in the darkness of my room. Even my mom had quit talking to me. The only thing that I still clung to from the old me was the silver cross I had hanging around my neck. I hadn't taken it off since I got it, when I was 8. That was almost 10 years ago. But finally, one night, the pain just got too much. It built up inside me to the point where I felt like I was going to explode. The text from Shelby is what sent me over the edge. It said: Why don't you answer the phone? Do you want to talk to Beth? Noah has been calling twice a week. That's where I snapped. Of course I want to talk to her! Noah has more strength than me! One phone call and I can barely function. How do you expect me to live if I call twice a week? I ripped the cross off my neck and threw it at the wall. I kicked my bed, and punched my desk, emptying drawers and tossing things around my room. My mom knew better than to come in while I was like this. And that's when something shiny and silver caught my eye. Something shiny, silver, and sharp. The razor I used to chop my hair off with. I didn't even think before I slid it into my wrist, making jagged cuts up and down my arm. I needed the pain to wash out with the blood. It was crawling through my brain like a disease. I needed it to go away before I lost my mind completely. I dropped the bloody razor, as the red liquid dripped down my hands, staining my carpet. I just stared at the cuts on my wrists, surprised at how that's the only thing that momentarily distracted me from the psychological damage I was putting myself through. But it only lasted seconds before the pain was back, and I felt like someone was constantly in my head, screaming foul things at me. I didn't want to admit it, but sometimes, when I was home by myself, I'd scream back at the voices in my head. They never stopped though. That's when I knew I was going insane. But I couldn't help it. The cuts on my wrists faded to scars, but the thrill, the adrenaline and the distraction I got from it. That was too addicting to resist. I found the razor and repeatedly slit my wrist till I couldn't stand it anymore.
About 2 weeks before school started is when the drugs started. I was walking down the street, staring at the pavement, thinking about the sick way my mind had been working the past few months. I knew everything I was doing was wrong. It just seemed like I couldn't resist. I noticed him when I took a shortcut through an alley behind one of the stores. He was sitting in the corner, and something about him just creeped me out.
"Who are you?" I asked in a monotone voice. It scratched my throat to talk for the first time in what felt like weeks.
"I work for the chronic lady. Ever heard of him?" The chronic lady? Why does that sound familiar? Sandy! He's a drug dealer! I remembered finding out from the football players that Coach Tenaka was getting drugs from the chronic lady.
"Yeah. Sandy Ryerson. How much?"
"Depends how much of this you want!" He laughed, slurring his words.
"How much can I get with 50 bucks?" I asked, knowing with all my heart that I shouldn't be doing this, but I didn't seem to be in control.
"Not much...but your so pretty. Give me kiss and I'll give you all I have." He smiled at me wickedly, showing his yellow teeth. The way he slurred his words, he was obviously high. I smiled, leaning down until our faces were inches apart. I grabbed every pack of every different drug he had out showing me, and stuffed them down my shirt, quietly backing away while the guy had his eyes closed waiting for a kiss. I took off running down the alley until I got back on the main road. The guilt inside me was eating me alive. I took the pills first when I got home. Just 2, but I felt the affects immediately. So far, this is what hid the pain the best. Even if it did feel worse once the high wore off. I couldn't take the pain anymore, the insanity. By the time school started, I could barely function without the drugs.
Before school, I snuck under the bleachers, anxious for at least one cigarette before school, to keep me going through 1st period. But I noticed there were already some girls under there. I almost tried out one of Santana's many threats to make them leave, before the biggest one said,
"Welcome to the Skanks." And just like that, I got my cigarette and some new friends. Even though I still felt like I was being tormented every time I closed my eyes, or let my mind wander. Every time I envisioned Beth's face, It was like a fresh wave of torture taking over my mind and making me feel to much pain to comprehend what was going on. I just wanted it to go away. More than anything, I wanted this pain to go away. This was all Shelby's fault. No, it was my fault for giving the baby up. No, it was Pucks fault for getting me pregnant. I wouldn't be like this if it weren't for him! I'd make him feel like I did, or at least regret doing this to me. I thought I was over it all, last year I thought I moved on from it all, but just that one call from Shelby made me go back into the deep depths of depression I was in the first few weeks after giving up my baby. My friends pulled me out of that, it didn't go far, I just felt sad all the time, but this? This was worse. No one could make me feel any different than I felt. I felt sick thinking about this so much. Just imagining Pucks face, talking to my little girl, laughing with Shelby, it made me feel like my stomach was twisting itself into knots. I couldn't decide if it was anger or guilt, if it was pain or sadness. I didn't know how I felt exactly, I just knew that I was spiraling down deeper and deeper until I almost wasn't me anymore. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I should feel guilty for ditching Glee Club. They were all there for me when no one else was, and now they would be 3 people short. Sam moved, everyone knew Lauren dumped Puck, and now with me gone, there just weren't enough people for them to even compete in sectionals. And now, Sue would hate my guts for leaving Santana to be head cheerio. I knew what I was doing was wrong on every level, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to feel bad for them. Welcome to the life of teenage drug addict.
I strutted down the hallway, letting everyone take a look at me for the first time. Senior year, and I've finally found myself. I tried to convince myself that that was the reason for all of this. I'm not sure what the tipping point was, dying my hair, the nose ring, my ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest. I tried to tell myself I didn't know why I was doing all this. I had to make myself believe it. It hurt less. But one thing I know, I'm never going back. After letting everyone get a good look at me, to make sure that they all knew what this meant, to make sure they didn't try and get me to show up for Glee rehearsal or Cheerios practice, and I headed back outside to find Santana. I had to talk to her, make her know that nothing she could say would get me to go back to being me, because I knew she'd be the one to push the hardest. As much as we fought and tried to ruin each others life, she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. Or at least, before I met the Skanks.
"Quinn, look. This is our senior year." She started, as I approached her behind the fence of the football field. "And frankly, being on the cheerios isn't the same without you..." Was it just me, or was she being nicer than she usually would? Santana didn't do talking, she liked threatening.
"You guys are such suckers for going back to coach Sylvester." I began, addressing her and Britt.
"Ha, Come on." She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Screw her! This is for us. We could win two national championships this year. We join the cheerios together, we join Glee Club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life." She tried to reason with me. What was she even doing? Normally by now Santana would be threatening to go all Lima Heights on me.
"Yeah, come on Quinn!" Brittany whined, and somewhere inside me it hurt to see Britt upset. She was ALWAYS in a good mood. "We used to be like the 3 musketeers, and now Santana and I are like almond joy, and your like a jolly rancher that fell in the ash tray." I had to fight back a laugh to keep my image straight. Brittany had the craziest way of viewing the world.
"You guys never understood the pressure I was under. It sucked. I'm not interested in boys, or makeup, or little polyester outfits." I spit the last word, starting to get annoyed, just waiting for Santana to start yelling at me and stopping trying to reason with me. I wondered if maybe she did really care about me at some point. But I ruled that out when I remembered this was Santana. She doesn't have feelings...unless she's drunk. But then she's just emotional and hormonal and god knows what else.
"Look, I've got a bar of soap and a bottle of peroxide with your name on it in my locker. " Santana tried again. I laughed, scratching my head.
"Come on Quinn!" She smiled and shrugged. "You can't break up the unholy trinity."
I remembered using that name from the time we first met: her and Britt and I. We were so different, yet always best friends, even though we always tried to ruin each others life. We'd always been the unholy trinity. Since middle school when I moved here.
"Sometimes people grow apart, deal with it." I said casually, even though each word hurt me more and more. "I've got new friends now. And they accept me for who I am." I turned around and walked away, to my new friends. You know, the ones who I met this morning and didn't even know what their names were. I could feel their eyes on me as I left. I could feel Brittany's frown, and feel Santana's disappointed look long after I'd made it back to the hallway.
We call ourselves the Skanks. They introduced themselves to me, and appointed me their leader.
"I'm Sheila."
"I'm Ronnie."
"They call me the mack because I like to make out with truckers at the rest stop. It's kind of a double meaning thing."
Sheila said, "I once ate cat poo." I didn't know where the random comment came from, but I just nodded as I watched Ronnie take out a lighter and light my cigarette for me.
"Hey Quinn?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me. I didn't want to believe it. Of all the people in that club, SHE was the one to come look for me? She was the only one who I was ever really mean to, but she still came to look for me? I turned around with a blank expression, and found myself facing Rachel Berry.
"Hello...Skanks." She tried to be polite.
"You're friend stinks of soap Quinn." Ronnie told me.
Rachel started talking, what she does best.
"We weren't friends once, okay, maybe when you cut off all your hair last year and thought it would solve all your problems I should have spoken up, maybe when you dropped out of society this summer and started dating that 40 year old skate boarder I should have said-" I cut her off.
"I'm not coming back to you. "
"We need you." She took a step closer to me.
"Oo-o-okay," She stuttered, "have you seen those purple pianos around school? We're planning this big, you know, recruiting number, and it's going to be a tribute to the go-gos. I mean, Who doesn't love the go-gos?" I could tell she was nervous and desperate as she stuttered her words. Rachel Berry was NEVER at a loss for words, and she could say almost anything 1000000 miles a minute. Something was up with her too.
"I prefer the bangles..." Sheila stated.
"Okay, we need your, your tremulous alto, and your blend of carlisle glamor." Rachel told me.
"I'll give you 10 bucks if you let me beat her up for you..." 'the mack' told me. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm sorry you're so sad Quinn. And, maybe your not going to believe me since we were never really close, but I'm sad not seeing you in the choir room. And we've all been through so much together, were a family! And this is our year to get it right. We would love to have you back in the Glee Club. Whenever you're ready. Okay?" Rachel finished. I pushed tears down my throat, but couldn't keep the desperate expression off of my face as I flicked my cigarette to keep my hands busy. I missed them all so much, but like I told Santana. I'm never going back. I watched her go with so much pain in my eyes I could barely stand it.
"Who's she?" Sheila asked me.
"Some loser." I said, regretting the words before I even said them. We're all losers. But I couldn't help it. I took another breath of smoke, and had to fight back a cough as I felt the smoke rise through my lungs. Ronnie shrugged, and started questioning me about that 40 year old skater I dated over the summer.
"Uh...He was a skate boarder. In his 40's..." I started, trying to remember him in detail.
"I think he had long black hair, maybe brown. Umm...dark eyes, I don't know exactly what color..." Honestly, I didn't even remember his name. I just remembered being really high one day, more than usual, and bringing an old guy back home. The relationship only lasted a few days. He dumped me after I refused to sleep with him. As much as I changed, I still didn't want sex yet. I lost my virginity as a mistake, I wanted my 2nd time to at least be with someone special. I didn't tell anyone that, though. I just pretended that I didn't care, like I didn't have feelings. Even though on the inside I was being slowly torn to shreds.
"Is he single now?" 'The mack' asked me.
"I don't know...probably."
"Do you still have his number?"
I shook my head no, and she sighed. The day was mostly a blur, I remembered hearing a few of the cheerios talking about their captains. Santana and Becky? I understood Becky getting it, Sue had a soft spot for disabled children, and Becky was a surprisingly good cheerleader for being handicapped. But Santana? I mean, yeah, she was a GREAT cheerleader, just as good as me for the most part, but after her boob job, Sue couldn't stand her. She even went as far as coming up with nicknames for her. Like Tweedle McFake Boobs...Or Boobs McGee, even sandbags. She didn't go 1 hour without criticizing Santana's boobs back when I was still a cheerio. She even had her on the bottom of the period, so she could cushion everyone's fall with her exploding sandbags. And once, Sue referred to her boobs as 'unripened chest fruit.' Sue hated Santana because of her boob job, but I guess winning nationals was too important for her to let anything, even Santana's fake boobs, to get in her way. I knew what was coming, and so much of me wanted to warn Santana to not listen to Sue, but I knew I couldn't let myself care. So I pushed the thought aside as I alone, trying to think of anything but Beth.
I noticed something was going to happen at lunch as soon as I saw Rachel talking to the other Glee Kids, and the majority of them shaking their heads. I wanted to get out of there before they reminded me of everything I was missing out on. I didn't want them to sing something, and have me have to sit and watch knowing I can't be up there with them.
I knew I was right when the band started playing a song I recognized and had to force myself to not sing along to.
See the people, walking down the street. Fall in line just watching all their feet. They don't know where they wanna go, but they're walking in time! Rachel sang. The rest of the club joined in,
They got the beat, they got the beat, yeah, they got the beat! Santana smiled as she started singing the next part. I noticed in the back of my mind how much more self confident Santana had gotten since glee. She sings solos a lot now... See the kids just getting out of school, they can't wait to hang out and be cool, hang around around till' quarter after twelve, that's where they fall in line!
Everyone sang, Kids got the beat they got the beat they got the beat! Yeah! Kids got the beat!
They all looked like they were having so much fun as they danced along with the guitar player as he took his solo. Go-go music really makes us dance do the pony puts us in a trance do watusi just give us a chance, that's when we fall in line! Brittany sang.
We got the beat, we got the beat, we got the beat, yeah! We got the beat! Everybody sang out.
They all looked so happy, even though they knew everyone in the cafeteria was talking bad about them.
Everybody, get on your feet! We know you can dance to the beat! Jumpin' get down round and round and round! Santana and Rachel finished the song. Becky was the one that started it, but it didn't take long for everyone else to join in.
"FOOD FIGHT!" I heard someone shout, but I couldn't tell who. I made my way out of the cafeteria, unnoticed by anyone as I shuffled out, not wanting to get covered in the disgusting food the lunch lady was determined on feeding us. Despite how badly everything ended, I thought they did a really good job with that song. I'd never admit it to anyone though. If they asked, I'd just say I wasn't at lunch, I was under the bleachers. They'd believe me, even if it wasn't true.
I was walking down the hallway, just looking for somewhere to go, when I heard screeching from the choir room. What? Were they killing a cat or something? It sounded like an injured animal was trying to sing...I couldn't make out what the noise was until I looked through the door and saw for myself. It was Sugar Motta, trying to sing. It sounded more like a wounded creature crying out in pain. I couldn't even figure out what song she was trying to sing! I laughed to myself as I headed to the bathroom. It brought back a memory of when Santana and I still pretended to be friends. It was the first time I ditched class, sophmore year, and we spent the entire hour and a half in the bathroom talking with Brittany about who knows what. We all laughed, and made fun of Rachel Berry. This was before Glee Club, when Finn and I had only been dating about 2 months. Santana rolled her eyes as I started talking about him.
"What?" I'd asked her. "Haven't you ever been in love with a guy before, Santana? What about Puckerman, you guys have been together almost a month."
"Dating doesn't mean love. Sex doesn't mean dating. It's just a fucking label, Q. That's all people care about in this school." It was all she had said, before anxiously changing the subject. I'd just stared at her, confused.
"So, what's it like being the HBIC?" Santana has asked me.
"It's great. They part like the red sea when I walk down the hallway. I feel like I'm the queen or something."
"Lucky you..." She had said, a little jealously.
"I may be the one in charge but you could out-bitch me any day." I laughed to her. She just smiled,
"Damn straight. You know I could." We all just laughed together, talking and commenting on Brittany's random comments. I missed those days.
I never understood how much things change, or why things have to be so different. It didn't make any sense to me. It'd been a while since I actually tried to sing anything, but I missed the feeling in my throat. I felt like I was alone, and so I slowly opened my mouth and started singing for the first time since school ended last year. I kept it soft, I didn't want anyone to hear me. But the words vibrating off my throat? It felt like just for a moment, everything was back to normal.
"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you... Do you ever wanna' run away, do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming! No you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels all right. You don't know what it's like, to be like me. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you! No you don't know what it's like... Welcome to my life. Do you wanna' be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out, are you desperate to find something more, before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate, are you sick of everyone around, with their big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside your bleeding! No you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels all right. You don't know what it's like, to be like me! To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge, of breaking down and no ones there to save you... No you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life! No one ever lied straight to your face, no one ever stabbed you in the back, you might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna' be okay! Everybody always gave you what you wanted, never had to work it was always there, you don't know what it's like...what it's like... To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark! To be kicked, when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge, of breaking down and no one's there to save you...No you don't know what it's like...to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no ones there to save you! No you don't know what it's like...Welcome to my life. ...welcome to my life...welcome to my life..."
Wow. That was oddly weird. My voice didn't sound to great with the song, especially since a guy originally sings it, but the words fit how I felt so perfectly. I couldn't help but breaking down and crying before I finished singing it. My heart fell 20 feet out my chest when I heard the toilet flush. It dropped another hundred when I saw the uniform. I felt like dying when I recognized that it was Santana. She just stared at me.
"At least I know you're still Quinn." Was all she said.
"Whatever." I said, dropping my cigarette, trying desperately to act like I just didn't care. I didn't know what else to say. I tried to just walk out of the bathroom, but I heard Santana call my name.
"Q! I need your help."
I spun around, "Why would I help you?" My eyes narrowed at her.
"If you don't, I'll tell everyone you were singing in the bathroom about how much you hate your life. Which your luckier than some of us anyways." She said it like she was implying herself.
"How are you possibly luckier than me? You're the one that's head cheerio, hottest and most popular girl in school, your parents are still together and they absolutely love you, you could get any guy in this school you want, your in Glee Club and have real friends even when you treat them like shit, they're still there for you. What could possibly be wrong in your life?" I rambled on to her. She stared at me. I thought I stumped her, when she opened her mouth, sounding like the Santana I know.
"What the hell Q? You think I'm head cheerio cause Sue likes me? She always liked you better, and you were a way better leader! The only reason I'm the cheer captain is 'cause you left! Yeah I'm hot, but where is that going to get me in life? Maybe Berry's right, maybe the only job I'll ever have is dancing on a pole. I mean, what college is going to want me cause' I'm popular? My parents hate me. That hate who I am, and they'll hate me even more if I tell them-" She cut herself off, but covered it pretty easily. What was she going to say?
"The guys in this school don't even like me, they just want me for sex which is sure a self esteem booster." She said sarcastically.
"You could be in Glee Club too! You were until you started doing all this stupid shit, Q!The kids in Glee can't stand me, they've always liked you and Britt better than me, I can't help that I'm a bitch. There's a lot wrong in my life Q. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me, I'm just trying to tell you that we all have problems, we all have a hard life. You were always the tough one out of us, out of me you and Britt. Yet you're the one that goes all old-guy-sex-loving-drug-addict-loser? Everyone thought I'd be the one that started dating 40 year olds and got hooked on drugs. Yet, I seem to be the strong one now. Compare what your going through to what I'm going through? Trust me, I feel worse. Yet I still seem to fucking deal with it better than you! And I'm horrible with coping! If it weren't for me having to stay strong so Britt doesn't lose both her best friends, I'd probably break down too. Just, be happy for what you have and get over what you don't have!"
I didn't even know where all of this came from. She just told me more about her in the past minute than she had the other 6 years I'd known her.
"You don't know what's going on with me. Don't act like you do." I said, unsure of how to respond to everything she said to me.
"I know you used to hate me, but you always came back, pretending to be my friend which means somewhere deep down you care. I know you've changed since you had Beth, and you probably miss her. I know it hurts you seeing Puck with other girls, even if you are over him, he's the father of your child. I know you miss Glee, and I know your feeling real pain but you're dealing with it with drugs and that type shit instead of fucking talking about it to your friends." She told me, really serious.
"I've always hated you Santana. We weren't friends. I never liked Puck in the first place, so there was nothing to get over, I hate Glee. it's dumb, who wants to sing and dance all day? I'm on drugs cause' I wanna be, not cause I'm in pain." I lied about every bit of it.
"What ever Q. I'm not at stupid as I look. I know somethings up with you. This isn't who you are..."
"You don't know anything!" I yelled at her, really trying hard to not think of Beth, ever since Santana brought her up.
"Whatever. Listen, you're going to do something for me."
"No I'm not. I'm leaving." I almost pushed her out of my way, but she knocked my hands away and glared at me.
"Don't make me go all Lima Heights on your ass like I did last year Q. You know better than that. Your going to do this, you say you hate Glee? Prove it. Help me out, and no one finds out about this. I won't tell anyone, not even Britts, that I ran into you in the bathroom. Nothing. Got it?"
"Fine." I mumbled, just anxious to get out of the bathroom. I nodded as she left, determined to do this. What she told me seemed a little mean, but wait. I hated Glee Club. I had to do this. It'll help. When I finally regained composure, I walked back out of the bathroom. I went under the bleachers, to get one more cigarette in, before I had to do what Santana asked me to. I didn't know why she looked so upset about it. And as she told me, it sounded like it was painful for her to get out. Why should it bother her? I just didn't get what the big deal was. I finished smoking and went back outside, following the sound of music. Not much longer now I told myself. Blaine? What was he doing here? Isn't he a warbler? I asked myself, as I took a seat under something shady, to give the impression that I didn't care what was going on. He sang a song with some of the cheerios, dancing a little while Kurt stared at him with lovesick puppy dog eyes.
"Its not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to have fun with anyone. But when I see you hanging out with anyone, It's not unusual to see me cry, Oh I wanna die! It's not unusual to go out anytime."
Santana joined in dancing with him. She looked like she was really into it, but that's only if you didn't know what was going on.
"But when I see you out and about it's such a crime. If you should ever want to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual it happens every day no matter what you say, you find it happens all the time. Love will never do what you want it to, why can't this crazy love me mine? It's not unusual to me mad with anyone. It's not unusual to be sad with anyone. But if I ever find that you've changed at anytime, it's not unusual to find out that I'm in love with you..whoa- oh oh oh oh."
It ended in a fire. Literally. I did what Santana asked. I threw my still-lit cigarette onto the piano, which the cheerios inconspicuously drenched in oil, and it erupted in flames. I took a look at all their faces one time before turning around. Rachel and Kurt looked devastated. Blaine and Finn and Brittany just looked confused. Tina and Mike and Mercedes looked a little upset. Puck looked angry, like he knew exactly what happened. And Santana just looked plain guilty. I could tell she was trying to hide it, but there was no mistaking the look in her eyes. She looked guilty and full of regret. She didn't even take her eyes off the piano. I spun around and left, heading to find a spot outside the choir room where I could stay without being noticed but still hear what Mr. Schue had to say about it all. What? I was curious. It's not like I cared. I heard them all shuffle back into the choir room, dragging their feet. Ugh. Did Santana really need to have her skirt pulled up that high? It was showing off more than her legs, that's for sure. I said to myself as I walked out from the shadows to listen from the doorway. Seconds ticked by, but he didn't say anything regarding the piano incident. Eventually, I got bored and went home, enjoying a video on you-tube of Mr. Schue glitter bombing Sue. I never thought he'd actually have the guts! I went back to spying on Glee club the next day, peering through the door.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Let's hear it for Glee Clubs newest member, Blaine Anderson." Mr. Schue said with a smile.
"Thanks so much everyone, I'm so thrilled to be here! It's gonna' be a great year, I can feel it. We're all gonna' go to nationals." Blaine said with a cheesy smile. Everyone clapped for him, or at least all the girls clapped.
"Is there a problem guys?" Mr. Schue asked them, confused.
"I just want Blaine to know that we're not the Warblers. You know, we're not into like the bells and whistles or the ball hogging." He said the last part with a little attitude. I almost laughed. Him and Rachel got almost every solo! Rachel's the biggest ball hog of them all.
"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" Blaine asked, with the same confused tone as Mr. Schue.
"Well yeah. You set a bonfire in our courtyard." Was Finn really that stupid? Did he not see me throw the cigarette? Or think to blame Santana? Blaine was just as confused as everyone else.
"Actually, that was an act of political protest." Santana jumped in. I could feel the tension rise as she spoke.
"Which leads me to the next order of business. Santana, you need to leave. It was you and the cheerios who set the fire towards our piano. How could you do that?" He said it with such bitterness you would've thought she burned his house down or something.
"Mr. Schue, Sue made me do it!" She laughed awkwardly, like that made everything better.
"Brittany didn't do it." He reasoned.
"Well yeah I was gonna' help, but you know, I'm a water sign, so." Brittany said like it made perfect sense.
"Your banned from Glee." Mr Schue turned back towards Santana.
"Don't come back unless you can be as loyal to this club as the rest of the people in this room." He pointed to the door. I hurried up and ran back over to the shadows by the locker, hoping Santana would be too upset when she left to notice me.
"You know what? I could use a break." She tried to sound tough, but even from out here I could hear voice cracking. I heard the breathing before she left the room, and recognized a sound I'd known forever before she even made it down the hallway. Santana didn't cry much, but when she did, the sound was unforgettable. I almost wanted to chase after her but I knew I couldn't do that. I'd just have to settle on hating Mr. Schue for a while instead. He lost one of his best singers. Now they'd never win nationals. Not that I cared, I reminded myself.
"You know, good for you Mr. Schue." I heard Mercedes say. Good for him? Was she crazy? It's not Santana's fault Sue made her find a way to torch the piano! Part of me felt guilty, since I knew I had something to do with that.
"It's about time we got some allegiance up in here." I felt like they were betraying her as the majority of the kids nodded their heads in agreement. Except Britt. Even from this distance I could tell how hurt she looked.
"I said it before and I will say it again. If we want to win nationals this year, we need to be united. Rachel, you had an announcement?" Mr. Schue asked. I got up and left, with no desire to hear Rachel talk anymore than I had to. Right now, I needed to find a way to get back at the Glee Club. Not because I cared about them or the club or the losers in it. Because...well I'd think of a believable reason later, and then find a way to make myself believe that its true.
A/N-Kay Hope you liked the first chapter, pleaase let me know if I should keep writing or not! Review people review! alright the songs were We got the Beat by the go-gos, Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan, and It's not unusual by Tom Jones...kay review! Later(: