Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They don't. I swear.
Anyway, they belong to Squaresoft and all parties linked to and whatnot.
Please don't sue me. I don't have money to pay you.
[Wakka walks in kitchen]
Wakka: I need coffee, ya?
Rikku: Coffee? Coffee! Coffee good! Coffee has caffeine.
::Wakka uses Silence Buster::
Rikku: (muffled) Ow! That hurt!
Auron: .She's been in the sugar bowl.
Wakka: Damn. We need to hide that better, ya?
[Lulu walks in]
[Yuna looks up]
Yuna: Lulu?
Lulu: What?
Yuna: Have you.
Wakka: .ever thought of using a bra?
Lulu: [Attacks Wakka] Run, little Onion Knight, run.
Wakka: Onion Knight? But that's your.ow!.Ultima weapon.
Lulu: [smirk] Really?
Wakka: Where's Tidus? We've got a Blitzball game!
Yuna: He's still sleeping, I think.
Rikku: Yeah. I bet you tired him out last night!
Lulu: [casts Silence] contented sigh
Silence
Lulu: Ahhhh. Peace and Quiet.
sound of lamp breaking
[Everyone runs into living room where Wakka is standing there, his right arm behind his head in embarrassment]
Wakka: Sorry. Some.uh.unscheduled Blitzball practice.
Lulu: I'd love to practice Blitzball.
Wakka: surprised Really?
Lulu: Yes, I'd love to practice Blitzball. I'd like to start off by kicking your...
[Yuna clamps hand over Lulu's mouth]
Wakka: Heh.
[Tidus enters]
Tidus: Whoa. What happened?
Lulu: A tornado by the name of Wakka tore through here.
Kimahri: Wakka practiced Blitzball.
Tidus: He speaks?
Wakka: Whoa. C'mon Tidus! We've got a Blitzball game, ya?
Rikku: [singsong voice] Silence wore off!
Auron: Ahh, shit.
Yuna: I was thinking of having a girl's night. Lulu. Rikku. Are you up for it?
Tidus: And we can sit around and get drunk!
Wakka: Drunk? Stoned would be the truer term, ya?
Lulu: [strained] STOP THAT!
Wakka: [confused] What?
Lulu: Stop saying 'ya'!
Wakka: All right. I'll stop, ya?
Lulu: [screams] I'm going into the kitchen. Come, Yuna. We can continue our talk of our nightly festivities in there.
Rikku: Such big words! We're at home, Lulu, not at a guardian's convention or whatever. Speak normally! Sheesh!
[Girls enter kitchen]
Wakka: Let's go! Blitzball teams are waiting, ya?
Tidus: What are we going to do tonight while the girls are doing.whatever it is girls do.
Auron: We could get drunk.
Wakka: .or stoned.
Tidus: Let's just buy a lot of alcohol and play cards all night.
Wakka: We should invite the girls and ask to play strip poker, ya?
Auron: Maybe just Lulu!
All laugh
Wakka: Not that you can't see anything. Her boobs are practically hanging out of her dress.
[Meanwhile.in the Kitchen]
Yuna: What should we do?
Rikku: We could play Truth-or-Dare!
Lulu: We should bring alcohol.
Rikku: We could go outside and play Spin-the-bottle!
Lulu: Nix the alcohol.
Yuna: Okay. So this is what I've determined. Rikku likes games that involve secrets and boys. Lulu doesn't.
Rikku: Ooh! Ooh! I know why!
Lulu: sigh Why?
Rikku: really loud Lulu's got a crush on Wakka! Lulu's got a crush on Wakka!
[Wakka walks in]
[Lulu's horrified]
Wakka: Really? Good to know.
Lulu: I feel.
Yuna: (in Psychologist mode) How do you feel?
Lulu: I feel.like buying a bottle of vodka and drinking it all by myself.
Rikku: You'll be puking blood.
Yuna: And standing on a countertop singing "Walk This Way" off-key.
Rikku: How can you tell? We've never heard her sing. Maybe she sings off- key naturally.
Lulu: You're pushing your luck, you little blonde bimbo.
Rikku: angry Ooh! Bitch!
Lulu: Whore! If you weren't Yuna's friend, I'd kick your little Al-Bhed ass!
Rikku: smirk Right. I'm sure. Wouldn't that violate Yevon? ::rolls eyes::
Yuna: Stop! Both of you!
Tidus: [ear pressed up against door] Ooh! Guess what!
Wakka and Auron: What?
Tidus: There's a catfight going on between Lulu and Rikku.
[Both rush up to door]
Auron: Now, that'd I'd pay to see.
Wakka: [screams] I'm going blind!
Auron: Me too!
Tidus: Blindness is contagious! I'm blind!
Auron: Blindness isn't contagious, idiot. But apparently, stupidity is.
Lulu: I cast darkness! You keep your prying eyes away from the door.
[They all walk backwards an inch or two]
[Yuna casts Esuna]
Wakka: I can see! It's great, ya?
Tidus: Me too! (whispers to Auron) I can see where the 'ya' thing gets annoying.
Auron: Sight is truly a gift.
[Back in Kitchen.]
Rikku: It's settled then, right Yunie? Lulu?
Yuna: I'm glad you guys made up! We're gonna have so much fun tonight!
Lulu: Thank God there'll be alcohol.
Rikku: Hey! Maybe if we get you drunk enough, we can play Spin-the-bottle with the boys!
Lulu: Think of our chances. You could end up kissing Auron, who's really old.
Rikku: So? You're really old.
Lulu: ignores comment Kimahri, who's a furry little freak.
Rikku: So? Stuffed animals are cute.I mean, you carry those little dolls everywhere.
Lulu: getting a little aggravated Tidus, who's always got somethin' in his pants.and I guarantee you, it's not a Blitzball.
Rikku: So? Maybe Yunie will get laid.
[Yuna blushes]
Lulu: Or Wakka!
Rikku: And there's no drawback to kissing Wakka, eh? Hmm.
Lulu: Don't look into it, dammit!
[Outside in the living room.]
Wakka: Now that that's settled, let's go buy some booze.
[Across the hall]
Tromell: Maester Seymour?
Seymour: What?
Tromell: Your bath's ready.
Seymour: Thank you, Tromell. Now, bake my pizza!
Tromell: Yes, Maester Seymour.
Seymour: [looks through peephole at other apartment] Lady Yuna.you shall be mine! Mwahahaha.[coughs] Urg.Tromell!
Tromell: Yes, Maester?
Seymour: Go to Walgreens, and pick up some cough drops and Altoids. [throws car keys at him]
Tromell: Yes, Maester Seymour.
[Tromell starts heading for door]
Seymour: And Tromell.
Tromell: Yes?
Seymour: You get a scratch on my Mercedes and I will kill you. Got it? And it will not be a quick, easy death.
Tromell: Yes, sir.
[Seymour watches Tromell leave]
Seymour: Lady Yuna.you shall be mine. Hahahaha!
[Wakka walks in kitchen]
Wakka: I need coffee, ya?
Rikku: Coffee? Coffee! Coffee good! Coffee has caffeine.
::Wakka uses Silence Buster::
Rikku: (muffled) Ow! That hurt!
Auron: .She's been in the sugar bowl.
Wakka: Damn. We need to hide that better, ya?
[Lulu walks in]
[Yuna looks up]
Yuna: Lulu?
Lulu: What?
Yuna: Have you.
Wakka: .ever thought of using a bra?
Lulu: [Attacks Wakka] Run, little Onion Knight, run.
Wakka: Onion Knight? But that's your.ow!.Ultima weapon.
Lulu: [smirk] Really?
Wakka: Where's Tidus? We've got a Blitzball game!
Yuna: He's still sleeping, I think.
Rikku: Yeah. I bet you tired him out last night!
Lulu: [casts Silence] contented sigh
Silence
Lulu: Ahhhh. Peace and Quiet.
sound of lamp breaking
[Everyone runs into living room where Wakka is standing there, his right arm behind his head in embarrassment]
Wakka: Sorry. Some.uh.unscheduled Blitzball practice.
Lulu: I'd love to practice Blitzball.
Wakka: surprised Really?
Lulu: Yes, I'd love to practice Blitzball. I'd like to start off by kicking your...
[Yuna clamps hand over Lulu's mouth]
Wakka: Heh.
[Tidus enters]
Tidus: Whoa. What happened?
Lulu: A tornado by the name of Wakka tore through here.
Kimahri: Wakka practiced Blitzball.
Tidus: He speaks?
Wakka: Whoa. C'mon Tidus! We've got a Blitzball game, ya?
Rikku: [singsong voice] Silence wore off!
Auron: Ahh, shit.
Yuna: I was thinking of having a girl's night. Lulu. Rikku. Are you up for it?
Tidus: And we can sit around and get drunk!
Wakka: Drunk? Stoned would be the truer term, ya?
Lulu: [strained] STOP THAT!
Wakka: [confused] What?
Lulu: Stop saying 'ya'!
Wakka: All right. I'll stop, ya?
Lulu: [screams] I'm going into the kitchen. Come, Yuna. We can continue our talk of our nightly festivities in there.
Rikku: Such big words! We're at home, Lulu, not at a guardian's convention or whatever. Speak normally! Sheesh!
[Girls enter kitchen]
Wakka: Let's go! Blitzball teams are waiting, ya?
Tidus: What are we going to do tonight while the girls are doing.whatever it is girls do.
Auron: We could get drunk.
Wakka: .or stoned.
Tidus: Let's just buy a lot of alcohol and play cards all night.
Wakka: We should invite the girls and ask to play strip poker, ya?
Auron: Maybe just Lulu!
All laugh
Wakka: Not that you can't see anything. Her boobs are practically hanging out of her dress.
[Meanwhile.in the Kitchen]
Yuna: What should we do?
Rikku: We could play Truth-or-Dare!
Lulu: We should bring alcohol.
Rikku: We could go outside and play Spin-the-bottle!
Lulu: Nix the alcohol.
Yuna: Okay. So this is what I've determined. Rikku likes games that involve secrets and boys. Lulu doesn't.
Rikku: Ooh! Ooh! I know why!
Lulu: sigh Why?
Rikku: really loud Lulu's got a crush on Wakka! Lulu's got a crush on Wakka!
[Wakka walks in]
[Lulu's horrified]
Wakka: Really? Good to know.
Lulu: I feel.
Yuna: (in Psychologist mode) How do you feel?
Lulu: I feel.like buying a bottle of vodka and drinking it all by myself.
Rikku: You'll be puking blood.
Yuna: And standing on a countertop singing "Walk This Way" off-key.
Rikku: How can you tell? We've never heard her sing. Maybe she sings off- key naturally.
Lulu: You're pushing your luck, you little blonde bimbo.
Rikku: angry Ooh! Bitch!
Lulu: Whore! If you weren't Yuna's friend, I'd kick your little Al-Bhed ass!
Rikku: smirk Right. I'm sure. Wouldn't that violate Yevon? ::rolls eyes::
Yuna: Stop! Both of you!
Tidus: [ear pressed up against door] Ooh! Guess what!
Wakka and Auron: What?
Tidus: There's a catfight going on between Lulu and Rikku.
[Both rush up to door]
Auron: Now, that'd I'd pay to see.
Wakka: [screams] I'm going blind!
Auron: Me too!
Tidus: Blindness is contagious! I'm blind!
Auron: Blindness isn't contagious, idiot. But apparently, stupidity is.
Lulu: I cast darkness! You keep your prying eyes away from the door.
[They all walk backwards an inch or two]
[Yuna casts Esuna]
Wakka: I can see! It's great, ya?
Tidus: Me too! (whispers to Auron) I can see where the 'ya' thing gets annoying.
Auron: Sight is truly a gift.
[Back in Kitchen.]
Rikku: It's settled then, right Yunie? Lulu?
Yuna: I'm glad you guys made up! We're gonna have so much fun tonight!
Lulu: Thank God there'll be alcohol.
Rikku: Hey! Maybe if we get you drunk enough, we can play Spin-the-bottle with the boys!
Lulu: Think of our chances. You could end up kissing Auron, who's really old.
Rikku: So? You're really old.
Lulu: ignores comment Kimahri, who's a furry little freak.
Rikku: So? Stuffed animals are cute.I mean, you carry those little dolls everywhere.
Lulu: getting a little aggravated Tidus, who's always got somethin' in his pants.and I guarantee you, it's not a Blitzball.
Rikku: So? Maybe Yunie will get laid.
[Yuna blushes]
Lulu: Or Wakka!
Rikku: And there's no drawback to kissing Wakka, eh? Hmm.
Lulu: Don't look into it, dammit!
[Outside in the living room.]
Wakka: Now that that's settled, let's go buy some booze.
[Across the hall]
Tromell: Maester Seymour?
Seymour: What?
Tromell: Your bath's ready.
Seymour: Thank you, Tromell. Now, bake my pizza!
Tromell: Yes, Maester Seymour.
Seymour: [looks through peephole at other apartment] Lady Yuna.you shall be mine! Mwahahaha.[coughs] Urg.Tromell!
Tromell: Yes, Maester?
Seymour: Go to Walgreens, and pick up some cough drops and Altoids. [throws car keys at him]
Tromell: Yes, Maester Seymour.
[Tromell starts heading for door]
Seymour: And Tromell.
Tromell: Yes?
Seymour: You get a scratch on my Mercedes and I will kill you. Got it? And it will not be a quick, easy death.
Tromell: Yes, sir.
[Seymour watches Tromell leave]
Seymour: Lady Yuna.you shall be mine. Hahahaha!