Title: Spice of happiness
Author: lilyme
Summary: Set after the happenings of 14x20. As the fog on her mind lifts, Arizona wonders if it all had really been just a slip of her tongue.
Character: Arizona
Rating: K
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Grey's Anatomy". They were created by Shonda Rhimes and belong to her and the ABC network. No copyright infringement intended!
Note: Wrote that very late at night... or very early in the morning. So certainly all mistakes and thought jumbles are mine.
It took her an eternity to fall asleep that night.
Her mind working long and hard on the happenings of the day.
Cookies with an extra special ingredient had thrown her and half her colleagues for a loop.
Luckily there was no bad outcome for any of them in all this.
Even if some probably needed a while longer to fully come to terms with their minds' creations.
She certainly did, being dealt left with some very painful realizations.
They say drunks and children always speak the truth. But did this also apply to people high on delicious weed peanut butter cookies?
Her talking about Callie... her saying 'Callie' instead of 'Carina'... it couldn't have been by chance... could it? It probably meant something, right?
She hadn't thought about her like that in a long time.
Hadn't allowed herself to really think about her.
Because she always knew that if she did... it still hurt.
It still hurt how much she missed her.
And it wasn't the sex, even though she hadn't lied about Callie's ability to make her lose her mind in bed. That one was certain.
But what she missed even more were all these small, everyday moments with her.
Watching her while the brunette stood in the kitchen and softly sang her favorite tunes. Unaware that someone was listening in.
Catching Callie's eyes on a hectic day at the hospital that left them with no time to actually talk. Twinkling a greeting at her that told her she couldn't wait to see her at home.
Seeing the focussed ortho surgeon study scans, forgetting everything around her as she thought out a plan to help her patient.
Even times when the woman cracked one of her infamous jokes. The ones that really only amused Callie for a reason and left everyone else indecisive of whether to laugh along or shake their heads at the crudeness.
But above all these, it were moments... when she was lying in Callie's arms. Feeling their closeness as they simply looked at each other, memorizing every part about the other, sharing gentle pecks and caresses. The moments that had Callie looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the entire world.
It hurt that she still craved these moments.
After all these years.
Maybe her statement hadn't been a slip of the tongue. Maybe her stoned mind had tried to make her see something.
It was true that Callie had left. But she had let her leave. Had even made her.
Wanting her to be happy.
But had it been the right decision?
Wanting to make Callie happy? Definitely.
But letting her leave to be happy? She wasn't so sure anymore.
Would a simple confession have sufficed to make Callie realize that she still could be happy here? Still could be happy with her? If both of them dared to let it happen?
It wasn't like she hadn't felt it then.
She had.
After everything that had happened, she still had felt it.
And did still now.
And as her mind finally drifted to sleep with images of Callie, she knew that she wanted to do something about their happiness.
END