A/N: This is my first attempt at writing fanfic in about two years. It's All Human, which puts it in an Alternate Universe from the books by default. It's also a bit OOC. Umm...I don't own Twilight or anything cool that like. I do own most of a music degree, which I guess qualifies me to write about such subject matter? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this first chapter of my little fic. Thanks a ton to my beta dancbabe89.
Chapter 1
When I was a kid and someone asked me where my home was, my first thought was not the tiny, decrepit house where I slept and did my homework. To me, home was a piano bench. Home was reverently pressing my fingers into the delicate keys of a piano and drawing out the rich sounds until my mother forced me to come up for air and sustenance.
As I sat in my professor's office, moving my fingers over the keys and playing a Chopin Mazurka like I had hundreds of times, it didn't feel much like home anymore. In fact, it didn't feel much like anything other than pushing the right combination of keys to get the appropriate sounds.
I didn't get lost in the sweet melancholy of the music like I should have. I didn't feel particularly vulnerable as I played either. Vulnerability is necessary for musicians. If we really want to say something with our music, we have to open up our souls and let whoever is listening see inside. I'd never really been great at opening myself up like that, mostly because there wasn't much to show.
I loved playing the piano, I really did, but it just hadn't spoken to me lately, like it used to. I was stuck in some weird funk that just made everything about playing feel too familiar. It was like we were some boring couple, who really needed to get out there and see other people or something.
Every time I played, I went on autopilot and that freaked me the fuck out. What if I would never be able to stop?
Before I knew it, my fingers pressed down into the keys and the last chord hung in the air around me like a giant question mark. I briefly imagined that I was taking piano lessons in the Riddlers' lair, except everything was less green.
Before I started picturing Jim Carey jumping in and saying, "Riddle me this, Edward," I forced myself to look over at Esme. She was sitting across the room with her eyes closed, likely taking in the music. The last chord of the piece was still hanging in the air, though it was evaporating quickly.
Finally, Esme opened her eyes and looked at me with a weird expression on her face. I had no idea what she was thinking, not that I ever really did, but this particular look was making me almost squirm where I was sitting.
At a glance, Dr. Esme Cullen appeared to be the perfect, 1950's TV mom, but she was much more than that. She was a brilliant pianist, an exceptional teacher, and the main reason why I chose to go to school here at UW. That, and it was close to my mother, and I got some pretty awesome scholarships, but whatever. I wouldn't have come here if the piano teacher was shitty.
She stood up from her spot across the room and walked over to me. She was staring at me strangely and I wondered if I had some sort of debris on my face or something. I subtly ran my hand over my mouth area, just in case, and then ran that hand through my messy hair. The way that she was looking at me made me feel self-conscious as fuck.
"Edward." Her voice was calm and careful, and it only freaked me out more. "What do you feel when you play that Mazurka?"
I blinked at her, opening my mouth to say something. Nothing came out right away and I closed it again before swallowing hard. To say that her question had thrown me off was a fucking huge understatement, and I had no idea what to say.
What did I feel when I played that Mazurka, or anything for that matter?
I furrowed my brows and looked into her brown eyes, hoping in vain that maybe I would find my answer there.
"Nothing." My brows knit together even further as the word left my mouth and I was sure that they'd be connected, if I kept it up. A weird unibrow was definitely not something that I needed.
Esme nodded and lowered herself to sit in a chair right next to the piano, folding her hands in her lap.
"Edward, it seems to me like you're having trouble being musical lately." Her voice was soft and smooth and her brown eyes were concerned.
I frowned at her words, wondering what in the hell they meant. Sensing my confusion, she continued.
"You're obviously very talented and you have no trouble with the technical aspects of playing." She said, almost dismissively. "But there's no passion behind it."
I turned my gaze downward, staring at the white keys in front of me. Being told that you're not musical, when music is what you want to do with your life, isn't exactly easy to digest.
"How do I fix that?" I asked, looking up at her desperately.
She smiled sadly and gave a light shrug. "I don't know, Edward. That's something that you have to find for yourself."
I started to panic then. Esme always knew the answers to all of my questions, and if she didn't, she knew where to find them. I had ran up to her office thousands of times, with silly questions about pieces that I was playing at the time or other piano related topics. She was my teacher and she was supposed to have all of the answers. Now that she didn't, I felt like screaming or hiding under my bed, or maybe screaming and then hiding under my bed.
Instead of acting like a scared child, I just nodded solemnly and ran a hand through my hair. I was sure that it was sticking up in every possible direction, but that didn't matter. It did that on its own, without being raped by my nervous fingers, anyways.
I glanced over at Esme, watching her lean forward, before placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"But if I were you, I would take a little break from piano to clear your head."
My head snapped up and I looked at her with wide eyes, like she'd just told me that she'd caught the theory professor and the orchestra conductor making out in the janitors' closet.
"Are you telling me not to practice?" My voice was slightly higher than usual, but damnit, I was fucking shocked. I never thought that I would hear my piano professor tell me not to practice. It was just wrong on so many levels.
"Yes, Edward." She chuckled, shaking her head. "You can go without practicing for one day, and I promise that the world won't end." She grinned and removed her hand from my shoulder. "And besides, you could use some sun. You're looking a little pasty."
I groaned softly to myself and just nodded. I knew that I was a pale motherfucker, but it's not like we lived in a state that got a lot of sun.
"Yeah, I'll do that." I nodded and started to pack up my sheet music.
Once all of my music was tucked securely into my messenger bag, I slung it over my shoulder and stood from the piano bench, running another hand through my hair. I walked to the door of Esme's office and turned, standing there a little awkwardly. Leaving a lesson was always the most awkward part and I had no idea why.
"So I guess I'll see you next week." I mumbled.
Esme offered me one of her kind smiles and nodded, taking a seat at her desk in the corner and opening up her laptop. She looked up at me as the screen loaded and her gaze softened a bit.
"Everything is going to be okay, Edward." She said encouragingly, which made me feel better about all of this. She was always very genuine and I believed her words.
With a small nod and a wave, I slipped out the door and closed it behind me. I walked down the long hallway, making my way to the staircase. Now that my schedule was suddenly wide open, I would have to find something to do with myself. Going back to my apartment and sitting around in my boxers, while watching crappy television was a ridiculously appealing idea, but I would feel guilty about being so unproductive.
I was so occupied by my thoughts, that I was a little shocked to find myself at the double doors that led to the outside world. Deciding not to freak out about that fact that I couldn't remember anything about the trip from Esme's office to the doors, I pushed one of them open and walked outside.
It was an unusually warm, spring day in Seattle and the sun warmed my skin as soon as I stepped outside. Maybe I would take Esme's advice and soak up some rays. I couldn't really remember the last time that I was just outside, for the sake of being outside. It wasn't unnatural for me to walk into the music building in the morning and not leave until later in the evening. It was always so weird to be locked up in that building all day and walk out, expecting to see the sun shining, and be met with total darkness.
I walked idly around the campus, not really paying attention to anything in particular. I knew that the campus was beautiful with all of the lush, green landscapes and gorgeous buildings, but none of that appealed to me. I didn't know when it had happened, but I realized then that my world had become black and white. Dull and boring. I furrowed my brows as this realization hit me in the face.
When had my world lost all of its beauty? Had it happened over night? Was it a gradual change that I hadn't noticed until now? All of these questions made my head hurt like hell.
I don't know how long I'd walked around campus wondering when my life had become less beautiful, but the sound of something hitting the ground in front of me, snapped me out of my thoughts. My gaze lifted slowly, landing first on the two boxes on the ground and up two, pale legs. The legs belonged to a girl who was trying to pick up the two boxes while balancing another one in her arms.
She was kind of short and had wild, brown hair that flew around her face as she tried to pick up the boxes. Her skin was almost as pale as mine and she was pretty small, which was probably why she couldn't handle all of her boxes by herself. She seemed to have the whole hipster look going on and it worked for her.
She was cute and frazzled and in desperate need of some assistance.
I cleared my throat softly and stepped forward. "Do you need some help?" My voice sounded more tentative, than I would have liked it to, but it wasn't like I had a lot of experience in talking to cute girls.
Her face snapped up and she looked at me with chocolate brown eyes that looked a little panicked.
"God, yes." She sighed, likely in relief. "I'm just carrying these to my dorm room over there." She nodded towards a building that wasn't too far way and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
I offered her a lopsided smile and bent down to pick up the two boxes. I was relieved to find that they weren't too heavy. I wasn't a body builder and didn't want to embarrass myself in front of this girl.
I waited for her to walk ahead of me so that I could follow her, peering around the boxes in my arms at her retreating form. We walked in silence until we reached the building, where I assumed her dorm room was. She pushed the door open with her hip and I stepped inside as she held it, thanking her.
I wanted to talk to her, but I had no idea what to say. I was horrible at interacting with people, especially attractive girls. I spent most of my time with a piano and textbooks and when I did have to interact with people, I either knew them because they were music majors or I worked with them.
"So what's your name?" The girl, who was walking ahead of me again, looked over her shoulder at me.
I shifted the boxes in my arms and peered at her from behind them.
"Edward. You?"
"I'm Bella." She smiled back at me before facing forward again.
I followed her through what appeared to be a small lounge with couches and a television. To the side were a couple of vending machines and some people were watching one of those stupid reality shows on the TV. We walked down a hallway and stopped at the bottom of a staircase. I prayed to the powers that be that I wouldn't fall down the stairs with these boxes. I wasn't clumsy, but I wasn't exactly grace personified either. With a deep breath, I followed Bella up the stairs, concentrating very hard on not falling over and making a total fool out myself.
When we reached the top of the stairs and I shifted the boxes in my arms again, growing curious about their contents. I could only hope that they weren't body parts or stolen car stereos.
"What's in these boxes anyways?" I asked curiously.
"Condoms." She shrugged and said it so nonchalantly, like it was the most normal thing in the world to be carrying boxes full of condoms.
I stumbled and almost dropped the boxes.
"Are they all yours?" Since my verbal filter was working so awesomely, the words came out of my mouth before I had the chance to think. "I mean….that's totally cool if they are." I think I probably started sweating.
It was silent for a very brief moment before Bella doubled over in laughter. I stood there and awkwardly shifted my weight between my feet, while she nearly rolled on the floor. I was tempted to just drop the boxes and run back to the safety of the music building. Thankfully, she stopped laughing and wiped at her eyes. Great. She was laughing so hard that she was crying. I was so cool.
"God, no. That's just…excessive!" She laughed again and shook her head, letting out a few more chuckles.
I blinked at her a few times, wanting to ask her what they were all for but not wanting to make an ass out of myself again. I'd reached my quota for the day.
She must have sensed that I wanted her to elaborate, because she did.
"I'm on the sexual health committee and since spring time usually means that people hump like rabbits, we're having a safe sex rally on Friday." She shifted the box in her arms and blew her bangs out of her face.
I nodded dumbly. That actually made a lot of sense.
We stopped in front of a plain, white door, and Bella looked between me and the door a few times before setting the box down next to it.
"I'd invite you in, but my room mate is probably naked." She shuddered. "You can just set those down there." She pointed to the floor and knelt down, opening up her box with a key.
As I stepped closer, my nose was bombarded by the scent of smoke and strawberries. While it doesn't sound like an appealing combination, it was actually rather pleasant, in a weird way. I caught myself sniffing in Bella's direction, like a crazy stalker as I set the boxes down. I was losing my mind.
When she had her boxes open, she looked up at me and smiled. I decided that her smile was really nice and flashed one back at her.
"You can take a few if you want, since you helped me and all."
I could have explained to her that I was very much a virgin and had given up on getting laid a long time ago, but that would just be embarrassing. If I took the condoms, she might think that I was a douche. If I didn't, she might think that I was rude. I chewed on my lip, like it was going out of style, and considered my option. Eventually, I decided that I did not want her to think I was rude.
Reaching down, I blindly took a couple of the foil packages out of the box and gave her an awkward smile. "Thanks."
Her gaze shifted to my hand and she raised one of her little eyebrows. I looked down to see what the big deal was and saw that I was holding two, Magnum XL condoms.
Lord, kill me now.
My cheeks burst into flames and the fire spread down my neck. I prayed for a lightning bolt from the heavens to strike me dead. She probably thought that I was a total douche bag or that I had some kind of anaconda living in my pants. I mean, I wasn't small, but I didn't know if I was quite XL material.
I cleared my throat and said another prayer for that lightning bolt, as I pocketed the foil wrappers.
To my dismay, no lightning ever came.
"Thanks a lot for helping me, Edward. I probably would have dropped these boxes at least 10 more times, if you hadn't come to my rescue." She smiled at me and I think my liver turned to goo. Maybe even my pancreas.
"It was my pleasure, Bella." I smiled back at her and was glad that she seemed to forget about the embarrassing condom incident. I hadn't, but I could wallow in my embarrassment later.
I looked around and ran a hand through my hair, pulling it to stand up between my fingers. I noticed that the paint on her doorframe was chipped in a few places and a light bulb down the hallway had burnt out. Then I decided that I should retreat before shit got even more awkward.
"Well it was nice to meet you, Bella." I looked down at her and dropped my hand from my hair.
"You too Edward. You should stop by the rally on Friday. I'll be there most of the day." Her voice sounded kind of hopeful but I had no idea why it would, so I decided that it was my imagination.
"Yeah, maybe I will." I nodded and turned to leave. "See you later." I gave her a small wave and made my way down the stairs.
I knew that I probably wouldn't go to the safe sex rally on Friday, but it was nice that she invited me, right? Maybe it meant that she enjoyed having me around.
I shook my head, mentally berating myself. She probably invited everyone that she came across to that rally.
I certainly wasn't anything special.
Well, there you have it. Reviews make me want to continue writing. I'd love to know what you think.