So it's 2:30 am and I'm wide awake, listening to Ke$ha and this song came on called "Wherever You Are" and I just couldn't not write something! I just couldn't...So here I am, at 2:30 in the morning...Writing!
This is AU and the parts in italics are flashbacks and memories, by the way!
But anyway...On with the one shot!
…
"Wherever you are, know that our love will never die." -Ke$ha.
…
Logan walked up the stairs, heading straight for his bedroom. His two teenage daughters were fighting over clothes once again. Apparently, Lea -his oldest- had borrowed Maggie's favourite sweater without asking or something like that. Honestly, he had given up caring at this point. His wife can handle all the girl drama while he locked himself in his room, fighting back this headache. He was so thankful for the lock on his door.
Today was a bad day for Logan. Because it was this day twenty-five years ago when everything changed.
Changing out of his suit that was required he wore for work and into something a little more comfier, he thought about the tough decision he had to make and how much he regretted it on days like this. Logan knelt down by the bed and pulled out a shoebox from underneath before sitting back. He took the lid off, pushing it aside as he was instantly flooded with memories.
The last night of summer. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to be gone from here, from Minnesota and to the other side of the country for college. This time tomorrow, I'll be far away from him.
Kendall had showed up at my doorstep earlier in the evening and had brought me to his house where he lead me up to his room without saying a word. His room was dimly lit by candles, old music was playing from a beat up record player with a huge pile of records next to it and there was a bottle of Jack Daniels on the bedside table. When Kendall finally did speak, -we were sat down on the floor by the player, passing the bottle of Jack back and forth as I looked through the records- I certainly wasn't expecting it.
"I really don't want you to go tomorrow." His voice was soft, softer than anything I had ever heard from him. The admission had sent me into shock as I stopped scanning through the records. I looked over at him to see him looking down at the bottle in his hands.
"Why not? I thought you'd be happy to get rid of me for a while." I tried to joke but the nervousness in my voice ruined it. Kendall shook his head, pushing the bottle aside and shuffled closer to me, stopping when his chest was just about touching my shoulder. He took the records from me and put them out of the way. With a gentle hand, Kendall took a hold of my chin and made me look at him. I was nervous now but I wasn't too sure why. Kendall had been my best friend for as long as I can remember, we've shared secrets, shared clothes, even shared beds on more than one occasion. But something about this didn't seem like friendship.
Kendall sighed, his green eyes looking into mine before quickly looking down at my lips then back to my eyes. "I just -I really don't want you to go tomorrow."
I didn't know what to say to that, what could I possibly say to that? So when Kendall leaned in, it only felt natural to do the same until our lips touched. The kiss was soft and gentle and …Bittersweet because we both knew that tonight was to be our first and last night together like this.
Logan took a shaky breath as he looked through the box filled with memories of that night. Filled with photographs and notes and anything else that he could find. He picked up one picture that caught his eye. It was of himself sitting on the windowsill, looking at the person behind the camera with the type of smile you give to someone you love.
"You look so gorgeous with the stars behind you." Kendall complimented as he snapped a photo of me. I was sat on the windowsill with the bottle of Jack in my hand and the window wide open while Kendall decided what album he wanted to put on next.
"Oh shut up." I laughed away the compliment as I took a sip of the drink and received a look from Kendall that I had never seen before.
"Don't do that." He said, voice soft and gentle.
"Do what?"
"Don't put yourself down like that." He said. "You're beautiful."
With a smile and a blush, I whispered "Thanks" before taking another sip.
Wiping away a single tear, Logan put the picture back only to pick a piece of paper screwed up into a ball. He opened it open only to let out an almost silent sob as he realised that this was lyrics and with quick note at the bottom that said "This is our song, Logie!"
As soon as the song started to play, Kendall had grabbed my hands and brought me to my feet. Needless to say, we were both a little drunk now that the whole bottle was empty but we didn't care. Kendall brought my arms to wrap around his neck before wrapping his around my waist and slowly swaying us to the music. I now realised that the song was "Can't Fight This Feeling" by Reo Speedwagen.
"This should be our song." Kendall whispered, resting his forehead on mine.
"Seriously? This song of all songs?" I asked, scrunching up my face. "It's kind of cheesy, don't you think?"
"No, it's romantic." He said, kissing the tip of my nose. "And it should be our song." He kissed me firm on the lips, sending electric waves through my body in a way that left me gasping, giving him the chance to use his tongue to deepen the kiss.
When he pulled away, it took me a moment to catch my breath before saying, "Okay, it's our song."
With a chuckle, Kendall pecked my lips and looked me in the eyes, "I love you."
"I love you too." I whispered.
Logan scrunched the paper back into a ball and throwing it back in the box. There was a knock on the door and he heard his wife calling his name. He quickly wiped his eyes and ran for the door, unlocking it quickly and opening it just enough to stick his head out.
"Yes, honey?" He asked, wanting to get back to his box and crying like a teenage girl.
"I just wanted to check to see if you were alright." Camille said, worry evident in her eyes and voice. She really did love him, more than she should when Logan couldn't love her the same way.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... A really bad headache." It wasn't a complete lie. With the girls arguing at least four times a day, a headache is sure pop up every once in a while at his age.
"You should get some sleep, you might feel better." Camille suggested and Logan nodded.
"That's a good idea, I'll head to bed now."
"Okay, I'll tell the girls to be quiet." She said with a small smile. She stole a quick kiss before saying "Love you" and walking away. Logan closed and locked the door with a sigh. He felt so bad for what he was doing to Camille sometimes. She loved him and she even knew that Logan didn't love her like she wanted to, she knew that his heart belonged to Kendall and always will but she still held onto hope that maybe he will come around. But he never will.
Pushing the thought aside, Logan sat on the floor again, picking up the box and grabbing the first photo he saw which made him smile with tear-filled eyes. It was of Kendall, pointing to the words written across his chest.
I giggled as I wrote across Kendall's chest in black Sharpie. Kendall was giggling too, claiming the pen was tickling him but I think maybe it was the drink gone to his head.
"What're you writin'?" He giggled as he ran his hands through my hair. I was straddling his hips as he lied on the floor, the player was now playing a Rolling Stones song that I couldn't name right now.
"Hold still and you'll see." I giggled as I finished off my work with a heart. I sat up and so did Kendall, almost bumping our heads together. He looked down at his chest with a confused expression.
"What language is this? Is it Loganese?" He asked, completely confused. I giggled as I shook my head.
"No, it's English." I said. I pointed to each word as I said it, "I love you + your dorky eyebrows! And a heart at the end!"
Kendall giggled, "I love you too." He said before bringing me down for one of his kissing that feels like electric.
Logan laughed at the memory. Kendall was such a dork at times but it was adorable. He put the picture down and pushed things around in the box until he found a DVD that had "Rockstar" written across it. Logan couldn't remember what this was exactly so quickly, he got up and stuck the disc in the DVD player and turned on the TV in his room before sitting on the bed. With a laugh and tears streaming down his face, he watched.
Kendall was bouncing on the bed with his red shirt tied around his head like a bandanna and singing into the empty Jack Daniels bottle as if it were a microphone. I sat on the floor videoing the whole thing and trying not to laugh too loudly.
"Strangers, waiting!" Kendall sang with his heart and soul to one of his favourite songs. "Up and down the boulevard! Their shadows, searching in the NIGHT! Street lights, people! Na na na na na naaaa!" I giggled as he forgot the words but he kept on going. "Hidin', somewhere in the NIGHT!" Kendall sang out the guitar solo, adding in his own words that just sounded like gibberish to me but was very entertaining. "Don't STOP believin'! Hold on to that FEELING! Street lights, People!" He finished the song by falling onto his knees and holding his arms up, not realising there was still a few words to be sung but he didn't care as he shouted out "Thank you Radio Guardens!"
"It's Radio City!" I corrected.
He pointed to me, "That place!" He called out before falling back with a giggle.
Logan heard himself in the video whisper "You're so cute" before it finished. He turned the TV off and wiped his cheeks before going back to the box. There were so many memories in here. Photos of the two of them cuddled up together, notes of 'I love you' and even a condom wrapper.
We were lying on the bed, connected by the lips and tongues with Kendall's shirtless body on top. Somehow, he had managed to pull my shirt over my head without me realising until he trailed open mouthed kisses down my chest and stomach, stopping at the hem of my jeans to unbuckle the belt and unbutton them. In one swift motion, my pants were off and I heard myself groan. I grabbed Kendall's hair and yanked him up, clashing our lips together in a passionate kiss. I rolled us over so I was on top and trailed my hands down his body until I reach his jeans. I fumbled with the belt and button but with his help, the jeans were thrown across the room in seconds and was Kendall seriously going commando?
Pulling away from the kiss, Kendall whispered, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes." I breathed.
He nodded, "But at any time, if you want to stop, you tell me, okay?"
"Okay."
He was so gentle. His touches were soft like velvet and his kisses were like fire against my skin. He had planned this, I figured out when he pulled lube and a condom from the bedside table drawer but I was in too much bliss to care. That night -with him on top of me, with him holding me like I was all he needed, with him expressing love in the most intimate way possible- was one of the best nights of my life.
Logan never regretted giving his virginity to Kendall. He would never forget the feeling of being in strong arms and being claimed in a way like no other. He will never forget that perfect night in Kendall's bed.
Looking through the box, Logan found a picture of the aftermath of that night. A picture of Kendall in early morning sunlight and a smile that broke Logan's heart.
We woke under a blanket, all tangled up in skin and sheets. With the thin white sheets over our heads and the sunrise lighting up the room, we felt as though we were in our own world where nothing could tear us apart. Kendall was lying on his back, looking at me with green eyes filled with happiness and a tired smile. I lied on my stomach, an over his chest and if I could see myself, I would guess I was looking at him the same way right about now.
"This is perfect." I whispered.
"Yeah, it is." Kendall's voice was quiet and soft, filled with so much love that Logan's heart broke into a million tiny little piece. "What's wrong?"
"I have to go this afternoon." I said so quietly with the thought that maybe if he didn't hear it, it wouldn't be so.
Kendall's smile fell, "I know."
"But I don't want to, I love you." I said, trying to fight the tears in my eyes but when Kendall pulled me close and wrapped his arms tight around me, how could I not cry?
"I love you too." Kendall's voice broke on the second word and I knew he was trying not to cry. "We'll see each other again though, I promise."
But we didn't know in that moment, that we'd never speak again.
Logan didn't care any more. He didn't care that he was a sobbing mess on the floor, crying and screaming at the world, begging for another chance to go back and stay. He didn't care that Camille and the girls were banging on the door, wanting to get inside and comfort him for whatever was making him cry like this, for whatever was making him sound so broken.
But Logan ignored them as he picked up the phone and dialled a familiar number and hoping it hadn't changed.
…
Kendall lied in his bed with tear stained cheeks as he stared at picture in his hand. He had stopped crying ten minutes ago and now he just felt numb. He was well aware of his phone ringing but right now, the picture was more important. It was of Logan on the morning they woke up. He looked so happy and light, with eyes full of love and joy and a smile as bright as the sunrise. Kendall wanted nothing more than to wake up to that face every morning for the rest of his life.
But Logan left for college.
But Kendall should have fought for him to stay.
Kendall regrets everyday of his life that he didn't run after Logan, that he didn't beg him to stay with him forever. Who needed an education, they were one half of Big Time Rush! They just needed each other.
But Kendall let him walk away.
What a stupid mistake.
Kendall never married. He couldn't bring himself to marry another man or woman, couldn't bare the thought of pretending to love someone. He'd rather stay alone in his one bedroom apartment and live his life alone. If he couldn't have Logan, then he didn't want anyone.
When the phone had stopped ringing, Kendall sighed and put the picture down. He should probably check if there were any messages, it was probably just his mom or Katie calling to check in on him. They knew what today meant. The person who called was an unknown number and they had left a message. When Kendall played the message, he heard a voice he was not expecting at all.
"Hey- uh... Remember me? It's Logan." Kendall's heard skipped a beat. Logan. It was LOGAN! Of all people! Why did he sound like he was crying?"I was just calling because...I'm not really sure why. I was going through picture of that night and other stuff! I even have a video of you singing Don't Stop Believin' which was terrible by the way." Logan laughed through his tears and Kendall did the same. "I miss you. I miss you so. Damn. Much! I thought I moved on, I married and had two girls but I think I'm going to get divorce. I'm not being fair to her because I can't... I can't move on. Everyday, I'm dying inside because you're not here. Twenty five years later and I'm still missing you when you've probably moved on." He paused for a moment and Kendall could hear him sobbing before he took a deep breath. "I just had to hear your voice. Wherever you are, you're on my mind and I'll always love you and your dorky eyebrows." And then the line went dead.
Kendall cried as he remembered his favourite memory...
The candles were going out and I watched from my spot on the floor as Logan danced around the room to "Anyway You Want It." He was barefoot, drunk and trying to sing along to the words. He tripped over his own two feet, successfully landing on my lap. He giggled a little bit before looking at me with eyes that took my breath away.
"Promise you'll love me forever?" He pleaded.
"I promise."
…
I'm actually SO happy with how this turned out! Omg but I literally just realised that its kinda like Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away", Lady Antebellum's "We Owned The Night" and Ke$ha's "Wherever You Are" mashed together! But who cares, I likes it, its 5am and I need sleep!
I can totally see a part two for this so if you want a part two, you should tell me but you have to reviewwwwww!
Sorry for any mistakes, it IS early hours in the morning after all!