AN: Yes, the name of this one-shot is a terrible, Jack-worthy pun. (Together, Mac and Jack are literally a jack of all trades!) Thoughts on the ep at the end of this chapter, complete with spoilers.

PHOENIX JET

ON-ROUTE TO HOME, SWEET HOME

(AT LONG LAST!)

'Okay, you two, we gotta talk.' Bozer put down his newly-empty bag of trail mix, and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking very seriously at the two partners who were sitting opposite him, tossing trail mix into each other's mouths. He held up his hands, seeming to do his best to channel Dr Phil. 'This is very, very important and I really need you two to listen to me and Riley. We're not trying to hurt you, we're trying to help you.'

Riley gave a little snort and rolled her eyes a bit, clearly thinking that Bozer was laying it on a little too thick (Mac clearly thought so too, from the look on his face, though Jack just looked confused) but put down her own trail mix and spoke.

'Look, in all seriousness, guys, you're really great partners.'

Bozer pointed at the two of them.

'My brOTP right here!'

Mac and Jack just looked very confused. Riley groaned and resisted the urge to face-palm, before continuing.

'But with our line of work…' Riley looked over at Mac. 'Jack's not always going to be around to complain and tell long-winded stories that don't actually go anywhere…' Jack looked offended, and opened his mouth to start to protest about how he wasn't complaining and his stories did so have a point, which Riley ignored as she addressed him, talking over the older man. 'And Mac's not always going to be around to channel Bill Nye and give you science lessons.'

Bozer nodded and picked up the thread.

'So we just gotta make sure that you two aren't becoming all co-dependent, can't-exist-without-the-other, like Batman and The Joker…well, only you're both good guys, obviously.'

Mac and Jack exchanged a glance, the blonde pulling a paperclip from his pocket and shaping it into a pair of handcuffs without really looking, as the older man spoke.

'Nah, we're all good.'

Mac gestured to Riley with a nod of his head.

'Empirically, we did get out of that diner.' Riley quirked an eyebrow at him, and his smile turned sheepish. 'Even if the odds were too long for my liking.' He shrugged. 'And we both did some pretty great work in San Juan, even if I say so myself.'

Jack reached out and bumped his fist to his partner's, a grin on his face.

'Amen to that, brother.'

Mac smiled and shrugged again and turned to Riley and Bozer.

'Jack's rambling, sadly, really does help me think. It's like white noise…but I can do without it.' Jack made a face, clutching at his heart dramatically as if Mac had wounded him. The blonde glanced over at his partner, raised an eyebrow at him, and then shook his head and rolled his eyes in fond exasperation, before turning back to Riley and Bozer, eyes turning serious again. 'We'll deal with it if it looks like it's becoming a problem, promise.'

Jack nodded sagely in agreement, pointing at the younger man.

'After Karachi, I reckon you and me need a little mini-vacation from each other.'

Mac just nodded wryly in agreement, tossing the handcuff-shaped paperclip onto his tray table.

EIGHT HOURS AGO

KARACHI

PAKISTAN

(IT'S BEEN A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LONG DAY)

(LIKE REALLY, REALLY LONG)

(YOU'LL SEE WHY)

'Seriously, brother, you built, like, four thingamajigs, and you couldn't make a fifth to get us out of this?'

Jack held up his right wrist, which was cuffed to Mac's left. The blonde, who was slumped against the wall, having just disarmed the very large dirty bomb four feet away from them that'd have blown at least four blocks of Karachi sky-high, not to mention the massive panic the dispersal of radioactive material would have caused, just shot his partner a look.

'A, we had other priorities, Jack.' He gestured at the now-inert bomb, and the five bad guys strewn around the alleyway. He lifted up his left wrist and gestured at the join of the cuffs. 'B, they're welded shut. Do you have any idea how hard it was to even get us out of that cell they tossed us in?'

Jack snorted and went to cross his arms, only to realize that he couldn't.

'Well, yeah, man, 'cause I was there for the whole, like, three hours it took you to get us out! Seriously, you couldn't make those hamster wheels turn any faster?'

Mac made to run his left hand through his hair, only to make a noise of frustration when he couldn't.

'A, that is not how the brain works, and B, I really don't think you appreciate exactly-'

'Oh, so it's like that? You're not feeling appreciated enough? What am I supposed to do, buy you flowers, honey?' Jack made to cross his arms again, couldn't, and glared at the cuffs murderously, then shot his partner another look. Mac just pointed at the joins and mouthed welded, Jack, welded very firmly. Jack glanced at the cuffs again, and then at Mac. 'You know, man, I love you, but I reckon we need to see other people for a while.'

A wry, teasing grin slowly grew on Jack's face as he spoke, and Mac gave a snort, shaking his head, an amused, exasperated, fond answering grin appearing on his face.

'Well, you wouldn't have many options. Not many people would put up with your awful puns, obsession with Bruce Willis, terrible metaphors, constant complaining, pointless anecdotes, butchering of Guns N' Roses-'

'Says the guy who's always Mr-Give-Me-Your-Phone-Jack-So-I-Can-Destroy-It, likes his steak nuked, and built a scale model of St Basel's Cathedral out of gumballs on his last day off!'

'A, I only do that to, you know, save people's lives and/or for the sake of our job, and you know I'd buy you a new one if the Phoenix didn't, B, medium-rare is not nuked and you know it, and C, it was St Basil's Cathedral…'

PHOENIX JET

ON-ROUTE TO HOME, SWEET HOME

(ONLY THREE MORE HOURS TO GO!)

As Bozer snored (Riley made a mental note to warn Leanna about that; for a moment, her sleep-addled and hungover brain had genuinely thought that someone – namely Mac – was using a chainsaw on the couch that night in France – which might say even more about Mac than Bozer's snoring) and Mac whiffled, occasionally muttering about X-ray photoelectron spectroscopy, Riley turned to Jack, who had his eyes closed, but didn't seem to be actually asleep.

'Jack, you awake?'

'Well, I am now, Ri.' She shook her head, eyes full of exasperated affection. He'd clearly been fully awake, to have responded so quickly. He yawned exaggeratedly and sat up. 'What's shaking, kiddo?'

Riley smiled knowingly in a way that was almost a smirk.

'Well, as you said, you want to get out of the kiddie pool…and while she's definitely not swimming around the Marinara Trench, Mom's definitely been around the block enough to fully appreciate all 360 degrees of Jack Dalton…'

Jack shook his head, a fond little grin on his face.

'You're not gonna let up, are you, sweetheart?'

'Nope.'

Riley deliberately popped the 'p'.

Jack fell silent, serious, for a moment, then, completely unconsciously, she was sure, rubbed his pants pocket, the one he kept his phone in, before turning back to her.

'Your mom's a real special lady, Ri. A real, real special lady. I got a hell of a lot of respect for her, and I really care about her. I know you don't need me to tell you that, but I just want to tell you that, okay?'

Riley wasn't a behavioural expert. She was nowhere near being in Cage's league.

But she liked to think that she'd picked up a trick or two from the other woman, and besides, she was 100% positive she could read a room better than Mac or Bozer or Jack.

Jack's hand going to the pocket where he kept his phone?

That was totally a tell.

She and her mom, it seemed, had heaps to talk about at their next mother-daughter brunch.

PHOENIX FOUNDATION HEADQUARTERS

SOMEWHERE IN LA

As debrief finished, Matty's smile softened, changing from her good-work-agents smile into something that could be described as almost maternal.

'One more thing before you go home for some well-deserved rest.' She tapped the screen, and a picture of Carlos' house, now with a proper roof, plywood, tar paper and shingles included, appeared on the screen, along with the grinning faces of Jill and Carlos' daughter, who still had her hair done like Riley's. Mac, Jack, Bozer and Riley, despite their exhaustion, all grinned widely, as the paperclip in Mac's hands rapidly took the shape of a pastele. 'Carlos' housewarming should be soon, so you better save up your vacation time.' She tapped the screen again, and a handwritten recipe, in Spanish, replaced the selfie. 'And I'm told you owe Jill big time.'

Jack looked confused.

'Who's Jill again?'

Mac and Bozer exchanged a glance and shook their heads, while Riley socked Jack in the arm, none too gently. Matty just raised an eyebrow at the Texan.

'If you want one of those apparently-amazing pasteles, I suggest you get Blondie to laser-etch her name into your brain, Dalton.'

Ten minutes after Mac, Jack, Bozer and Riley had left, with plans to crash at Mac and Bozer's for some Puerto Rican takeout, Matty's phone rang.

She pulled it out of her pocket, knowing exactly who it was, despite the lack of caller ID or even a phone number.

She steeled herself, mentally took stock of what she was going to say (she'd been planning this out ever since she'd given the team those extra hours in Puerto Rico), and took a deep breath, calming herself down.

Now wasn't the time for yelling. Now wasn't the time for being the sledgehammer, that force of personality that she knew everyone called Matty the Hun.

Now was the time for finesse. For diplomacy. For a scalpel, not a chainsaw. For smiles and veiled double-meanings, not open threats and glares.

She answered the phone, and heard that familiar male voice that she'd been expecting.

'Director Webber. You have some explaining to do.'

(It was so easy for everyone – her included – to forget who was really in charge of the Phoenix.)

(Day-to-day, it was her, in reality, after all.)

(But every now and then, she'd get a phone call like this.)

(Sometimes, she swore they were reminders.)

(Oversight had always liked to keep her on her toes.)

AN: Dun, dun, dun! Did you guys like that? I know it's mostly silly and fluffy and funny, except for that little bit at the end, but I saw the description for 2.23, MacGyver + MacGyver (GAH! JUST GAH!) just before writing this and I could not help but put that last bit in…

I'm quite sure that Diane is older than Jack. Jack is, according to the fact that his 25-year high school reunion was in 2018, probably born in 1975 and thus 43. Riley, according to the fact that Cage said she was 10 or 11 when Jack and Diane met, and that she and Jack met 14 years ago as of 2016, born in either 1991 or 1992, which is either the year before Jack graduated high school, or the year before that. Thus, unless Diane had Riley as a teenager (given that she and Elwood were married, I find this reasonably doubtful), Diane must be older than Jack.

Thoughts on the episode: I really enjoyed that! It was so very them (especially Mac) to go to Puerto Rico to help a friend, and the way that hostage situation was done was just beautifully in-character (not only for Mac, but also Jack), I reckon. I really loved a lot of the little touches as well – Carlos' mother-in-law and Jack, how Matty got them that extra time all the while not losing sight of the big picture that she has to keep in mind, Carlos' daughter doing her hair like Riley's…this episode just felt like a big, warm hug, or a comforting blanket, if that makes sense? It was just everything I love about this show and these characters!

Regarding the revelations about 2.23, MacGyver + MacGyver…well, let's just say, my initial plans for the version of Season 3 I intend to write (a la Every End is a Beginning) while we wait for the real Season 3 are probably going to need to go out the window…but I am definitely intrigued!