Some things were meant to be written down. This is just one of those one-shots explaining my perception of Kikyou. It's not very original, but I was in one of my moods, so don't bug me or face the wrath of my evil pink flying monkeys!!! Alrighty then, onto the disclaimer...

Disclaimer: Me no own so you no sue!!!

That's my slogan so onto the fanfic.

My life is hard. Hard beyond belief. As I walk through these trials and tests, I wonder if I can see the end. Wondering is sometimes painful, emotionally and physically of course. I am dead, nothing more than a living corpse with a half soul of which is corrupted with hate.

What if this never happened. What if this is all a dream? What if I wake up knowing more than I did when I was awake? Will I ever know? Maybe or maybe not. Fate is here to teach us a lesson. I took life for granted, almost accepting as it was. They are now teaching me that life is too valuble to accept as is because if we did, we would never know what gifts we truly possess. But alas, Fate tricked me. I was the only exception to the laws of Fate. Fate had destined me to be the keeper of the sacred jewel forever to come.

I had Inuyasha, and I loved him to extremes. So much that I was willing to slaughter him to keep him from his own selfish greed. But this is not the true person I am. I know it's not and never will be. But if this isn't me, then what is?

I should have changed what I had wanted. I should have just burned the jewel and its malicious power along with my petty wishes and dreams. Everyone knew it was a burden to the living and the dead and would cause only grief and sorrow. My wants were selfish in that I wanted to become a normal person with a normal life with Inuyasha. But nothing is so simple, I have come to find. I was fated to a life of horrible pain and my want to become a normal human was all in vain as was my life as I punished Inuyasha wrongfully by binding him to the Goshinboku tree.

I can't stand what I have become; this cold selfish person obsessed with causing grief in order to help restore the happiness. It was not Naraku who destroyed us all, it was me and my love of Inuyasha. I should have known the consequences of trying to become something I'm not, and my punishment was death. The Shikon no Tama was the source. It was all the accursed jewel. It sent me to the very depths of hell and back again all because of its atrocious power and now threatens to overcome Naraku himself and his greed to eventually take hold of his seemingly endless power to control it and make it the jewel's own.

I will destroy Naraku. Not only I, but the jewel as well. We will both overcome his power and take hold of his weaknesses. He cannot be rid of me as simple as that. No, and I will drag him to hell with me again and my soul will finally be put to rest.

I'm sorry Inuyasha, that you do not understand my reasons of hurting you. This body and soul cannot love you; I learned that in previous life. I must fulfill my destiny, but why do I protest so. No, I cannot deny my caring love for you no matter how I try. So ignore previous statements and hear me now. I am Kikyou, the dead and tragic priestess. I will drag Naraku to hell with me and Inuyasha will be free to live his life as he wishes. He will be free of all temptations of the evil Shikon no Tama and my soul will be at peace in my reincarnation, content to watch the half-demon grow in life and love. Some day he will find a more worthy mate, but until then I will keep my obsession and keep my promise.

Inuyasha, you are mine and mine only. I will be the one to take your life when the time comes. No one else will have that honor or privilage, and I will be the one to greet you on the other side. But I will let you live, until the time comes.

AN: Hoped you liked and please review, I need to know whether or not I should write any more of these!!! Thanks a bunch...yeah and I know some of the parts didn't make sense but me sleepy now and don't care. Bob says hi and if you review you get a kiss from one of my evil pink flying monkeys...Bwahahahahahahaha cough