Five Time Remus Never Told Sirius He Loved Him

By Rose Williams.

Slash, possible fluff. Marauder era to Post-OotP. AU.

PG-13.

Harry Potter was created by JK Rowling and published by Bloomsbury.

Author's Notes: This story is one the 'five things that never happened to,' stories.

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Remus woke to the familiar aching in his bones. He woke to the familiar sight of the hospital wing's curtains, feeling of hunger, and sense of loss. But something wasn't right this time. There was an unfamiliar memory, something more than the scents of his friends and the coolness of the forest. His stomach grumbled, and the memory of the smell of food made itself clear in his mind. Food. Bloody Hell.

M adam Pomfrey was bustling around outside the drawn hangings. Remus managed to stand up and climb into his pyjama pants before she opened the curtains. She looked at him and tutted.

"I need to…" Remus began; although he was unsure of what argument he could make to leave.

"Not til you've had breakfast," Madam Pomfrey said, handing Remus a tray. "The headmaster said he would coming to see you after breakfast."

"After…" Remus began. He'd miss classes! Then, "Dumbledore!"

"I heard your stomach before," Madam Pomfrey said. "Now eat up, it's already ten to nine."

Remus sat down, stunned, and stared blankly at his breakfa st, which consisted, as always, of cereal, apple and yoghurt. He absently picked out a piece of apple and began to nibble it. He hadn't slept so long after a transformation since first year, or at least since the others had joined him the previous y ear. Happy to see him eating, Madam Pomfrey left him alone.

Suddenly not at all hungry, Remus put his tray on his bedside table. He occupied himself for a few minutes buttoning his pyjama top and putting on the extra warm pair of socks Sirius had gi ven him for Christmas because he had complained about how cold the infirmary floor was.

Then all he had left to do was pace, and think about the smell of food and the Headmaster's imminent arrival.

Remus's memories had not clarified by the time Dumbledore arrived, with Sirius following him quietly. Remus stared from one to the other. Neither expression was at all encouraging, despite Dumbledore's reassuring smile.

"I just wanted to say that I hold nothing against you, Mr Lupin," Dumbledore said. "However reckless your friends are, I am glad that you have found people you trust so well. Our arrangements stand. You may contact your parents or not, as you wish, and the consequences are little more than detention for Mr Black."

"For what?" Remus asked.

"That is for Mr Black to explain. You are both excused from Potions, but are expected back in class after the first break."

"Yes, sir," Remus said, now looking at Sirius again, who still wouldn't meet his eye.

Dumbledore nodded once, and left. Remus climbed back into bed to sit against the bed head. Sirius sat carefully in the chair. He seemed to take Remus's confused silence as ce nsure, because when he finally did speak it was:

"I only told him to shut him up, honestly. I never thought he'd believe me, let along try it out. But he deserved it anyway, nosey git. No doubt the shock of his life. Don't worry; h e won't say anything, Dumbledore made sure. But really nothing was going to happen. I could have stopped you if James hadn't played the bloody hero and rescued that greasy snake."

None of it made any real sense to Remus, although h e was being to feel ill. And it seemed that Sirius was, for once, feeling guilty.

"Well, say something, please," Sirius said.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"You mean you don't remember?"

&# 8220;Only food," Remus said slowly.

Sirius snorted. "I'm sure he wouldn't have tasted very nice," he said, as if Remus eating people was a natural part of his character, which, Remus supposed, it technically was.

"Anyway, you didn't get close to biting him?"

"Who?"

"Snape," Sirius said slowly, aware now that this was not a conversation for levity.

"Severus?"

"Who else makes such a fuss about where you go? Even Gideon quietly worked it out on his own. But no, the slimy snake has to keep hoping we'll slip up. Well, he found out properly now, and Dumbledore has put the fear of Filch and Gigly in him. The threat of expulsion, too, I think, so he won't say anything."

"I almost ate Severus?" Remus said, more to himself than Sirius, but he prepared himself to answer the inevitable "not you, the wolf." Sirius merely chuckled, and Remus felt uncommonly reassured.

"He was shitting himself," Sirius said delightfully. "Too scared to work out it was you to begin with. James pulled him out of the way and locked the door before either of you could recover from the shock. You wouldn't have eaten him anyway. We were waiting, like always, when he showed up. James was quite confused before he got angry and reckless. But I was prepared to beat you back."

"Are you completely mad?" Remus asked.

Si rius grinned. "Probably. But hey, nothing happened. Slytherin got 50 points, Gryffindor lost 20 and I got a week of detentions with Filch."

"Look, what Dumbledore's doing, letting me be here, it's dangerous, and probabl y stupid," Remus said. "But you and James and Peter, animagi, it's illegal."

"A lot of things are illegal that shouldn't be," Sirius said.

"Not to disagree," Remus said, hotly, "But t hat's not the point."

"No," Sirius said meekly. "The point is that Severus Snape is a nosy bastard who got a good shock. And you didn't kill anyone, or bite anyone, or accidentally eat Snape. Which is just as well, I'm sure he's completely indigestible."

Remus sighed.

"Am I forgiven?" Sirius asked.

It was a common enough question from Sirius, but he asked it genuinely this time. Remus sighed again. He wasn't en tirely sure. Sirius had been willing to risk himself to save Remus from hurting anyone. But the situation was entirely Sirius's fault to begin with. On the other hand, Sirius seemed able to see the wolf and Remus as one and the same creature. "You didn't kill anyone," not "no one was killed," which is what James would have said. It was refreshing, talking to someone who knew he might eat someone, and saw it as an amusing concept. There was more to his willingness to for give Sirius, he was sure, but he didn't have the words.

He nodded. Sirius grinned broadly and threw his arms around Remus.

"Couldn't have born it if you'd said no," Sirius said.

"Couldn't have sa id no," Remus told him warmly.

Sirius released him, and waved a hand dismissively.

"You'd be stuck helping James and Peter with their Defence homework in the Library," Sirius said. "No more of those midnight adven tures you love so much."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I love you, idiot that you are," Remus said.

Sirius froze. 'Too much,' Remus thought, suddenly terrified that Sirius wasn't going to understand him and would freak out instead. Middle-aged women were allowed to say such things to each other, but not seventeen-year-old boys.

"Do you mean that?" Sirius asked quietly.

"You're an infinitely likeable chap," Remus sai d. "Well, except to Slytherins."

"You love me?"

Sirius looked eleven again, perhaps even younger.

"Yes," Remus said simply.

Sirius was silent again for a moment, then quiet when he said: "No one has ever said that to me before."

Remus managed to stop himself saying, "Really?" but didn't know what else he could say.

Sirius pulled himself out of his thoughts and grinned.

"I'm loved," he said. "And no doubt also adored, and generally thought the world of. Brilliant."

Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius spied the tray on the table, and got up to examine the contents before turning his nose up at them.

"If you put some clothes on," he told Remus, "I can take you down to the kitchens and we can eat a breakfast Madam Pomfrey definitely wouldn't approve of."

"You didn't eat?"

"Of course I ate," Sirius said. "But no one ever argued against a second breakfast. Come on, we've still got an hour free."

Sirius turned his back and marched out of the hospital wing. Remus hurriedly removed his pyjamas and dragged his robes over hi s head before running after his friend.

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