A/N: I wanted to try writing something bittersweet, something different from my usual sappy resume, and this is what came out of it. It's not something I typically do, but I'm quite happy with it. But, as usual, all comments and critiques are welcome.
She was sitting in her cabin, turning the cracked helmet around in her hands. Looking at it. The gash from the bullet was clearly visible. She snorted, mostly for herself. Not that there was anybody else around. Still, it felt pretty absurd. Was she lucky or what.
And yet... that luck seemed to have ran out. Or rather, it was freeloading itself off others. Thane on the Citadel, Mordin on Tuchanka, Legion on Rannoch, Miranda on Horizon... the list went on. She didn't want to remember others.
Seized by a sudden surge of anger and hopelessness, she hurled the damaged helmet across the room. It struck the wall with a ting of metal on metal. It sounded hollow... much like the rest of what she did. For all the bravado and big words she put up, she felt vulnerable.
They trusted her. They expected her to win this. But all she did felt like a spit in the sea of blood that was ever growing. Nothing she did seemed to clear those red waters... in fact, it only seemed to deepen the crimson hue.
She felt like crying, but... what good would that do? Still, putting her face in her hands felt good. The cold feel of her own palms soothed the headache. It did nothing to hide images behind her eyelids however.
For what was probably the first time in her life, she felt alone. And, as usual, she had no one to blame but herself. She had thrown away every offer of love and companionship offered to her. Sometimes out of pure distaste for the person in question. She'd be damned before falling as low as to fuck Allers, of all people. As things were turning out, she might as well be. The thought brought a wry grin to her face.
Sometimes, it was because she didn't want to hurt the potential suitor. She still recalled the pain in those blue eyes when she turned Liara down, way back on the first Normandy. If she was honest to herself, she would admit that, would her life turned out differently, she would gladly have accepted the feelings offered by the beautiful blue alien. But dwelling on ifs never did anything good. So, ever the consummate professional, she sacrificed it on the altar of her work.
She was tempted by Kelly. But she wasn't fast enough and the poor girl ended up as sludge for the Reaper larvae. Her screams still echoed in Shepard's mind sometimes.
Shaking the thought away, she let herself take the stock of the situation again. Maybe I should just call Traynor. Pretty sure she'd be happy to take whatever I have to offer..."
Before she could continue that train of thought, the doors chimed. Turning around, she readied herself to bite the head off of anybody who was foolish enough to disturb her at this moment. However, the poisonous retort died halfway up her throat when she saw who was standing in the doorway.
The same blue beauty, occupying her thoughts not long before, wringing those delicate hands, looking at her bashfully. It was almost as if she didn't knew what to say and knowing Liara, that just may be the cause, Shepard thought. The sarcastic grin from before extended into a genuine one, as she lifted herself off her bed and walked the short distance between them. Stopping just short of invading the visitor's private space, she spoke up.
"Liara. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but... what are you doing here? I thought you would be preparing for the mission."
The faintest hint of indigo appeared on those blue cheeks and Shepard couldn't help herself but be fascinated. In combination with the freckles already present on her pretty face, the blush made Liara look beautiful. Well... more so than usual. She had a hard time not bringing her hand up and brushing the blushing cheeks.
She was saved from the temptation when her idle musing was broken by the voice of the subject of her attention. Stifling the tremor that wanted to rise, she focused herself on the moving of those luscious blue lips.
"I... wanted to see how you are, Shepard. I thought..." The blush deepened. "…well... you were always there for me and I guess I didn't want you to be alone. Not right now."
Ever since that fateful night after defeating the previous Shadow Broker and Liara's visit to the Normady, Shepard knew the asari cared for her. She was the only one to ask her that simple question that meant so much: how are you doing? And she meant it. And now... this.
She felt like crying again, but this time, not because of something as pathetic as self pity. There was this beautiful and selfless creature... and she had turned her away.
Ok, so maybe she was feeling a tad self pitying.
She felt like dropping to her knees, begging for forgiveness... doing something! But at the last moment, her nearly legendary self control got the better of her. Reigning herself in, she gestured to the couch, before speaking up again. To her relief, her voice came out almost as strong as ever, with no evidence of her battling emotions.
"That is... very kind of you Liara. Come, sit down... let us talk."
Receiving a nod of acknowledgment and gratitude, the asari took point, for which Shepard was both grateful and regretful at the same time. The sway of her hips and behind were painting a very enticing picture. And she wasn't even trying!
Before Shepard could shake herself out of the trance in which she found herself, the subject or her attention found herself seated on the couch, wearing that small, shy smile that the Commander found so endearing.
Gathering her composure, she descended the stairs as well, seating herself next to the asari. That was before she realized just how small the piece of furniture in question was. The consequence of which being, their thighs were almost touching. She could swear she felt the heat of the asari's body, even through two layers of cloth.
And how come she never noticed Liara's heady scent before? Was the static electricity in her cabin masking it? Or, more likely, seeing how most of their interactions were during the battle, it was masked with the odor of grit, earth, mud and blood.
The worst of it, however, was the asari's laughter. As if the melodious tones of Liara's voice weren't enough to set her crazy, every time she laughed, her entire body shook, which made her gorgeous and full breasts jiggle in a tantalizing rhythm.
Shepard was aware that she was loosing it and loosing it fast. Was she falling in love with Liara? Why now, of all times? Or was that always the case and she was just too stubborn, too damn proud to admit it even to herself?
Or was she just that horny? Distinctly, she had to admit, that was a very serious possibility.
Fighting the urge to slap her face, Shepard forced a smile to her own lips. She was relieved when she found out she didn't have to force herself for long, as the conversation took a natural flow, like it always did with Liara. Before long, they were conversing about their respective childhoods, lives and engaging in small talk. They both knew what they were doing, but neither cared. Just as long as their thoughts were kept away from the war and everything connected.
And yet, this entire time, there was a doubt gnawing at the back of Shepard's mind. Would it really be so bad? For heaven's sake, they were friends... more than friends, really. Liara was the one person that was most responsible for her getting another chance at life, fucked up as it may turned out to be. And she was grateful for it... grateful to Liara.
And unless she was totally inept at interpreting the cues, Liara still harbored feelings for her. Would it be so bad to give into temptation if both of them wanted it?
The ship's chrono chimed midnight, ship's time. Looking up, the asari seemed fairly shocked by that.
"Goddess... I didn't realize the time. I'm sorry to have kept you up so late Shepard!"
With one swift movement, she was on her feet again and making a move for the door, when Shepard's hand lashed out, catching the blue fingers in her own pale ones. Looking down at their intertwined hands, the shock on Liara's face was open to see. Looking up and finding the Commander's eyes, she questioned:
"Shepard?"
Lifting herself off the couch, the human finally decided to throw caution to the wind. Bringing her other hand to the blue cheek, she brushed her fingers over the blue skin, marveling in the soft feeling and slightly scaly touch of the asari. It was wonderfully exotic, so different from everything she sampled so far. But there was more than that. Try as she might, Shepard couldn't lie to herself. She wanted this... she wanted it for a long time.
"I... don't want to be alone tonight, Liara. Will you stay with me?"
Her eyes widening considerably and her lips parting ever so slightly, the asari was speechless for a moment. But before she could speak up, Shepard brought a finger to the luscious lips to silence her.
"I cannot give you what you want... what you desire."
This lie, however, came easily, even if she felt like a bastard because of it. The regret in her eyes was genuine. But the reason for it was totally different from what Liara probably had in mind.
She wanted the asari. For more than just a quick fuck, soon to be forgotten. But it would be better for Liara to not know that. Shepard knew she could inflict nothing but torture on the beautiful maiden... with her profession, constant exposure to danger and her mayfly existence. No, there could be nothing other that just... this... between them.
"I can't order you to stay. I won't order you that. But..."
The rest of the sentence was lost, as the blue lips were tentatively pressed against rosy ones. Her whole world spinning from that simple contact, the human leaned herself into the kiss, pressing the inviting body tighter to her own. When they separated again, both of them were panting heavily and the asari's cheeks were once again flushed with color.
"You don't need to order me anything Shepard." There was no trace of doubt in Liara's eyes as she spoke again. "I... want this as well."
There was this tiny voice, whispering at her... telling her this was wrong. But a single look into the pools of cerulean before her and slightly parted lips was enough to banish those whispers to the farthest recesses of her mind.
Kissing the asari's forehead and clutching their warm bodies together, the whispered thank you from the Commander went almost unheard by Liara. Yes, it was enough to bring another smile on her lips.
"No Shepard. Thank you."