"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." - Federico García Loca
Dinner with Makoto's family was never quiet. The combination of Ren and Ran, who became uncontrollably overexcited whenever Haru came round, and the constant stream of questions from Makoto's well-meaning and concerned mother filled the house with noise. Admittedly, it was a better environment for him than the silent solitude of his empty house, but Haru always needed time alone to recharge after spending time with the Tachibanas. But tonight Haru didn't want to be alone. It was the night before Makoto left for the family's yearly camping trip, two weeks spent in a forest that was a six hour drive away from Iwatobi. Tonight signalled the start of a fortnight Haru would spend mostly alone, swimming and sleeping and being bored, whiling hours away sitting in the bath and wishing Makoto would get home – not that he'd ever admit that to anybody. Haruka Nanase liked to be alone, but he'd always hated feeling lonely.
Haru suddenly sensed someone watching him, and turned so his eyes met Makoto's. His friend smiled at him. "Do you want to go upstairs?" he asked quietly, knowing that Haru always needed time alone after being around the constant, ceaseless hurricane that was Rin and Ren. Haru nodded, and they left the room, thanking Makoto's parents for dinner.
"So we're leaving tomorrow," said Makoto as they reached his room.
"Yeah," replied Haru, sitting down at the end of Makoto's bed. He didn't much want to think about the two weeks he'd have to spend away from Makoto. And he'd been feeling like that a lot recently – whenever Makoto wasn't around, Haru felt different, like some part of him was missing. He hated it, mostly because he knew it wasn't the same for Makoto.
"Haru?" Makoto's expression matched the one his mother wore when she asked Haru if he'd been eating properly ("You look much too skinny, Haruka-kun,"), or if he'd been swimming outside ("Because it's much too cold this time of year,"), or if he ever got lonely ("And if you ever do you're welcome here at any time, okay?").
He sat down next to Haru. "Are you okay?"
Haru nodded absently, pulling at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.
"I wish we weren't going, really. Something about being on holiday makes Ren and Ran go crazy every day. I mean, they're great and everything just a bit of a handful..." he trailed off, frowning concernedly at Haru. "Are you sure you're alright?"
Haru shrugged. "Yeah."
Makoto's expression softened with realisation. "Is it because we're leaving tomorrow?" Haru was silent. "Because if you wanted to, you know, I mean, I wouldn't want to force you or anything, but—"
"What is it?"
"Why don't you come with us?"
Haru finally met Makoto's gaze, and the corner of his mouth twitched, which was close enough to a smile for Makoto.
"Won't your parents mind?"
Makoto laughed. "Of course not! They already act like you're their son anyway. It makes sense for you to come."
A warm feeling spread through Haru's chest. He knew what Makoto really meant, that it made sense for him to go because otherwise he'd be alone, because they were best friends, but he wondered if Makoto had meant for him to interpret it differently. If he'd meant it made sense of Haru to come because...
He shook the thoughts out of his head. Recently, Haru had been overthinking everything Makoto said to him.
It had begun at swimming practice last month. Haru saw Makoto getting out of the pool, and it felt like it was the first time he'd ever seen Makoto's body: the taut muscles rippling under his smooth, tanned skin; the way the water in his hair caught the sun; eyes he'd seen almost every day for as long as he could remember, clear and vivid green and slightly droopy at the corners. Haru remembered how it felt like all his internal organs slammed into each other and all the blood in his body raced downward, how he'd had to leave practice early and take a cold bath as soon as he got home, unable to do anything but sit in the cool water and wait for his erection to subside.
He'd thought it was because of hormones, or puberty causing random surges of testosterone or something, but every day since, whenever he looked Makoto in the eyes, it felt like his organs crashed into each other. Haru hated looking Makoto in the face knowing that just the night before he'd been stiff thinking about him, and that sometimes his mind wandered dangerously close to vivid, erotic fantasies concerning the two of them.
But that wasn't the worst part: the worst part was knowing that Makoto would never feel the same way.
Makoto beamed at him broadly and jumped off the bed. "I'll go and tell them, then!" he smiled, half-walking, half-jogging out of the room.
"Makoto?" Haru said quietly, not expecting him to hear.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Makoto grinned. "Anytime," he replied, leaving the room.
|AN|
short first chapter just to introduce the story + characters
~~this is completely unbeta'd so if you find any spelling/grammar mistakes or have any criticisms please tell me, especially if you have any suggestions about characterisation because I feel like it's not great right now~~