A/N: I've always thought that some people judged Sakura too harshly on her confessions towards Naruto and that she, herself must have experienced a lot of internal turmoil so I did my best to write this little one-shot. However I've never wrote angst like this before, so PLEASE give me some feedback on my writing style in general. XD
Sakura lies to herself. About Sasuke. About Naruto.
From the moment of Sasuke's defection, realization dawned on her that nothing would ever revert to the way it was, with Team 7 together on missions, training and gathering casually at Ichiraku Ramen. The slight nonchalance Sakura had experienced during her early genin days were long past. She knew he was different, drowning in a bitter chasm of hatred, she was aware that her aspirational desires towards him would one day return to poison her, consume her and destroy her.
In a sense, her prediction was correct, it was indubitable that he had tried to take her life after the Gokage Summit. The blood, the reluctant and unsuccessful resolve to kill him, the danger of being on the verge of death- it was all real now.
Yet she keeps lying to herself, lying to herself that she loves him.
Soon, those lies become the truth; the truth evolves into a haunting obsession; the obsession plagued her restlessly. Does she still love him? It's something that not even she could answer.
Naruto's entrance into the picture only served to confuse her even further, it had been him who saved her from the verge of death countless time- it was him who saved her from Sasuke. However, his promise to her, his promise about bringing Sasuke back, also tormented her relentlessly: Naruto was not one to go back on his words, Sakura knew it and regardless of what suffering and agony he underwent, he was still determined fulfill it.
It slayed her to see him like that. Her heart had wrenched when she had been informed of Konoha's decision to kill their former teammate, it's true that she had loved him, but what afflicted her most what revealing this to Naruto.
That's when she lied again. To him. Before the summit.
"You heard me fine Naruto, I said that I really liked you! I couldn't care less about Sasuke-kun anymore! There was something wrong with me, having feelings for a guy like that. There's no point having feelings for a missing-nin and a criminal. I can't stay a kid forever... I have to see things the way they are. So, Naruto... you can just forget about that promise we made..."
His first reaction had been that of pure, unadulterated surprise, shock, then he saw right through her confessions, he merely replied: "Stop this Sakura-chan! I told you this isn't funny! I can't stand people who lie to themselves."
Except she still continues to lie.
No matter how far Sasuke fell she still harbored feelings towards him and no matter how hard she tried to make herself realize that she also loved Naruto, nothing worked. Her mind was a befuddled mess of conflicting emotions that never ceased to torture her and drag her deeper down into her abyss of lies.
When Team 7 was reunited again in facing the Juubi, she had thought her world was whole again. Surely, everything was alright again, isn't it?
Sasuke's return had been the least expected; it caused her heart to flutter euphorically nonetheless. Though the disillusioned felicitation was short-lived, like many others, Sakura had sensed a brooding darkness within him, something that didn't seem quite right that it made her shiver in unease. Even though he had indeed saved her from an attack by the Juubi clones, Sakura reminded herself that everything seemed too good to be true.
Still, she lied to herself and casted on a fake facade of a smile. Pretending, pretending that if she decided to ignore the fragile impossibility of her current surroundings that everything would be all right. Ironically this time, it was Sai who had first detected her feigned emotions.
"I know your smile is fake..."
Regardless, she didn't stop lying, hoping against hope that things could be the same again, the way they were when Team 7 first met each other. Because only by lying, her pain could be eased a little: whatever Sasuke's true intentions were, whether she really loved him anymore, her real feelings towards Naruto, her rambunctious, stalwart and gutsy teammate...
Because by lying to herself, those lies slowly, insidiously, transformed into the truth.