Part 1
Summary: I wrote this thinking about the future, so it happens a few months after the s11 ends.
Note: This was supposed to be just a small oneshot I wrote when I was feeling a little sad, but after posting it a few more pieces kept coming into my mind. So I decided to do a sequence with 4 parts. (English it's not my first language)
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Sometimes I lay in my bed at night and I start to think about you. I wonder where you are... if you are alone... what you are doing... if you are happy...
The image of your smile always comes in my mind and for a second I find myself smiling for no reason. But then comes the sadness and hit me. Sadness for being away from you. Sadness for not having your smile always with me. Sadness for wanting you here and not being able to have it. Sadness for being and feel always lonely.
I wonder do you also think about me before you go to sleep or in any time of your day? And if you do, your face lights up with a smile for remembering of mine? And then do your chest tightens of missing me?
I close my eyes and wish deeply that yes.
I love you like I've never loved another woman. You know that. And I know you love me too. I know that I'm the greatest love of your life. The only one — you told me this once and it made my chest hurts. It hurts because of the tone of sadness that I've heard in your voice when you pronounced each word. It was not a declaration of love, it was like a confession. And it has a difference.
Maybe we need to sit down and talk about us. But you are complicated. I'm complicated. Life is complicated. I know that. We tried to do this once and the result was not very positive. I wonder if we should try again? Or is it too late for us?
My thoughts begin to become slower. My eyes increasingly heavy. I can't fight against the sleep that hugs me, giving me permission to relax my body and mind.
I fall asleep my last thoughts of the night fly to you: What's the use of having the luck to find your soulmate if all that's left is the sadness of not being able to spend the rest of your days with her?