Edward has just heard about Bella's...death...in New Moon WHAT DOES HE DO??--What is he thinking the minute he drops the phone??
Death Cannot Stop True Love (it just delays it)
The phone fell from my hands. If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating. But it had stopped beating long ago. I closed my eyes as if to wish it away. But I couldn't. She was dead. She was gone. I'd never be happy again; I'd never be whole again. Bella was my entire universe. She was my being. Without her I'm an empty black hole.
I opened my eyes again. And I could see my path clearly. If she were…dead, then I… would die with her. Somehow, I would find a way to kill myself. Good old fashion poison was out of the question, as was a stake into the heart. Another age old myth.
The volturi were my only answer. They'd let me die. They'd kill me. And if they didn't then…I don't know what…I'd make them kill me. God I'm going crazy! This is not how a 90-year-old vampire should be acting. I should be drinking blood, or fighting, or killing or…anything but not what I was doing right now at this moment. Because I was loving. I was in lust, in adoration, in affection, and in love with Bella Swan.
I had come to this conclusion a year ago when I first laid eyes on her. The first time I could smell the sweet smell of her blood I was addicted to her. But now, it had gone so far past that, whatever that was. It certainly wasn't love, because that was what I felt now. That feeling consumed my soul, or whatever was there, when I heard she died.
Staying apart from Bella was the worst move I could have made. I certainly couldn't handle the separation any longer. My body ached for her. I needed her. Each day was an eternity because she wasn't there. And trust me, I know what an eternity is like. I'd think about her laugh, and her smile. That would get me through the days.
At night I would picture her voice, her smell, her hair, and her entire self. And I'd think, "Maybe one day, I'll come back. I'll just see her, and then I'll leave again. She wouldn't even know I was there." But now I could never go back. I would never go on without her.
And I wished once again that I could read her mind. I mean now it was useless because now I would never have the pleasure to guess what she was thinking. But I wish I could have thought about what she was thinking when she died. Were her last thoughts in this world about me? Had she whispered my name as she fell into eternal sleep as she had done in her normal sleep?
Or worse.
Had she moved on? Did she find someone new? Someone who wouldn't work really hard not to kill her every time he kissed her? Someone…human? Did she whisper someone else's name at night when she went to sleep?
What did it matter? She was gone now. And with her gone the entire world lost light. Forget twilight, it would be eternal darkness for the rest of my days.
And that's why I was going to end my days. Yeah, my days are numbered. Italy here I come. I hope you guys don't mind one vampire in head over heels love. Kill me I beg you, kill me I beseech you. Cut me into pieces and fling me into the oceans, the sooner I die and let myself fall, the sooner I awake to her, Bella. Because Heaven is with her by my side, alive or dead.
Even if I'm in hell, at least I'm dead.
Dearest Bella, the love of my life, my death, and the vampire in between. I'm coming. Soon. Bella, I love you. Why didn't I tell you more when you were alive, when you were with me?
Oh Bella. I love you. I love you. If you can hear me, know that I still love you, and I'm coming for you. You're not entering the dark alone, I'm following close behind you. And I don't care how I get there, because I'll see you when I'm there. I don't care if I'm damned, I don't care if I'm an angel, all I care about is you. My sweet Bella, I love you.