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[MatsuSayu] ...And he didn't want to be just another bitter memory hidden away in her coat closet, collecting dust with her father's tattered uniform, a creaky, folded up wheelchair, and yellowing photos of Light, the familiar tear and coffee stains marring their folded edges completely lost to her mind. [oneshot]
Feet practically rooted in the cold concrete (bleak and hard as her heart once was), Yagami Sayu gave a long sigh. Slowly, her head inclined toward the top of the all-too-familiar building at her feet, nostalgia creeping through her veins, her heart twinging. Trying--failing--to swallow the lump in her throat, she cupped her hands around her sensitive eyes, shielding them from the violent glare of the sun on the windows.
Maybe…maybe she shouldn't be here.
There was the fleeting, comforting thought of dislodging her suddenly leaden legs from the sidewalk and retreating back home (it couldn't shield her forever, but her house of lies would hold up a little longer), where she could bolt the doors shut and pretend that everything was fine (she could avoid him all she wanted, but she couldn't hide from the truth).
But…she wanted to be here. After all, if she hadn't, she wouldn't have cast off the covers of solitude and crawled out of the lifeless cave she'd burrowed herself into almost a year ago. Because, despite its sterile appearance, (the frigid memories embedded in its icy exterior) this place could hold all the warmth in the world…if only she was willing to let it.
Nodding decisively, Sayu lifted her feet from the ground, dragging her heavy, protesting legs toward the revolving door. Heart fluttering with some incomprehensible emotion--was it fear, anticipation, or…giddy, schoolgirl-ish excitement?--she clutched the straw handle of her basket, and, the tightly woven fibers digging into her clammy palms, marched into the belly of the beast.
An unintelligible blur of floors later found Sayu stumbling off an elevator, eyes scanning the narrow hallway deliberately, yet almost hesitantly. And almost instantly…she remembered--everything, an overflowing album of pictures spilling out and tumbling through her mind's eye, and what had felt like a lifetime of forgetting was wasted, obliterated in less than a minute, as if she'd never been away at all. Visiting her father at work, playing some childish game with her brother, their laughter echoing throughout the hall… Sometimes, it hurt to remember, to think about her father and Light…and the case that had torn their family apart (at first, she'd refused to accept the truth, regardless of the earnest pain in his clouded eyes as he'd whispered it brokenly over and over again). But, she knew she'd have to let her old wounds air out if they were ever to heal properly.
Besides, not all the memories she had of this place were quite so painful. Some, Sayu noted--the corners of her lips curving upward at the sound of a voice that was pleasantly familiar--,tended to make her heart bounce around her chest cavity erratically, and cause a cozy tingling to spread throughout her body. …Like those of a certain adorable rookie cop with an always-warm smile, and a heart the size of the whole Milky Way.
The fluorescent lights glinted playfully off Sayu's teeth as her smile widened, her pace picking up as steadily as her want to see the owner of the chirpy voice coming from the next room.
The distinct scratching of a pencil gracefully dancing--perhaps hesitantly stumbling was a better description where he was involved--across paper was the first thing Sayu heard when she pressed her ear to the office door, followed by easily recognizable groans of indignation and the dull squeaking of an eraser hastily rubbing way any mistakes (an eraser would never fix some mistakes they'd collectively made, but hopefully, with time, the two of them could--together).
The fluttering in her stomach urging her to just open the door already, Sayu reached for the doorknob, feeling suddenly abashed as she caught sight of the basket swinging from her wrist. This morning, the thought of how surprised he'd be had overridden all others when she'd decided to bake muffins for him--endearing, pure hearted innocence aside, when flushed with embarrassment, Matsuda could only be described as cute. But, however stupid she may have felt about it now, Sayu had to go through with it; she had come all this way (all this way and more, further than she ever thought she'd come again).
She'd kept them both waiting long enough.
Hand clutching the knob, side pressing into the door, and suddenly, Sayu was sent sprawling onto the carpet. Idly wondering just what had hurled her to the floor with such a force, she blanked out, resurfacing from the wave of dizziness only at the sight of his worried, boyish face, which was currently hovering inches above her own.
"S-Sayu…?" he whispered, brows furrowing as he gently nudged her shoulders. Stirring softly, her eyes blinked in confusion as she made to sit up…only to find she couldn't.
Blood rushing to his face, Matsuda practically sprang off of Sayu,--straddling someone who'd refused to talk to you for the past nine months was obviously unsafe territory--instead opting to sit in the doorway, his face angled away from her so she wouldn't see the painfully obvious blush staining his cheeks.
Slowly lifting a hand to her face--splotchy and red, the mirror image his own--Matsuda froze, drawing back abruptly, opting instead to launch himself to his feet, and tentatively offering Sayu his shaky hand. Sayu took it, momentarily running her thumb along his knuckles, a spark of electricity running through her body, as she pulled herself upright. Face to face, eyes squaring off against each other, his own gentle chocolate orbs boring into what seemed to be her very soul, Sayu blanched, and suddenly she couldn't breathe, drowning in the perceived emotional gravity of the situation, unable to hear for the pounding in her ears.
Uncertain of what to say for a second, she let out a throaty giggle, the strained, broken hiccup resounding throughout the hallway (she'd sworn once never to forget how to laugh, but somewhere along the line, her body had started betraying all conscious thought).
Stepping closer, tripping over Sayu's discarded basket and nudging it aside gently with his foot, Matsuda approached the younger girl (woman; she hadn't been a girl for æons--her brother had made sure of that) apprehensively, as if she'd spontaneously combust if he was too forward.
"Sayu…what's wrong?" His voice was urgent, breaking through the spell she was under, and thrusting her back into reality.
And in this so-called reality, everything was clear--sharp, like someone had cleaved her from her obscure and clouded netherworld with a paring knife. "E-Everything," she whispered hoarsely, impulsively grabbing Matsuda's hand--at this his heartbeat increased threefold, and he began to wonder if it could be healthy--and lurching forward, practically soaring into his chest, burying her face in the collar of his jacket, her fingers weakly grasping his shoulders.
At this he hadn't the slightest clue of what to do, so he settled for placing a hand on her back, not wanting to press her tighter to him, not unless she wanted him to (he loved her, but Light would always be a link between them, as well as the spectre that tore them apart, and he didn't want to be just another bitter memory hidden away in her coat closet, collecting dust with her father's tattered uniform, a creaky, folded up wheelchair, and yellowing photos of Light, the familiar tear and coffee stains marring their folded edges completely lost to her mind).
"Everything," she started again, relaxing slightly against him, "because, I…er…I think I…missed you…being around." And, as dense as he could be, Matsuda understood what she meant, something she hadn't been able to say since she got the phone call about the chief's death, and something she may never be able to say again, but he understood all the same, so he pulled her closer, and she let out a small squeak, tightening her arms around his waist, discarded muffins crushed and laying forgotten at their feet.
a/n: Well, I hope you all enjoyed it!