Blaine was piss drunk. Kurt knew that he drank A LOT of alcohol at Rachel's party, and Kurt knew that Blaine would be insanely hyper, and a bit less dapper than usual. Blaine was supposed to be like Kurt's own, gay, 16 year old Yoda- and can anyone truly imagine a drunken Yoda? That would be scary as shit. True, Blaine was much hotter than Yoda, with his fluffy, curly hair and his mystifying triangular eyebrows that were just so sexy in some peculiar way. But still, here was his mentor/crush, totally wasted.
At around 2 or 3 in the morning, the party started coming to a close, due to the fact that everyone either left or passed out. Blaine stumbled toward Kurt, nearly tackling him. His speech was slurred, but he managed to get some words out.
"So Kurt," he started, half mumbling, "Kur-Kur, Kurt. Kurt. I was- I was just gonna- going ta tell you how pretty you arrrrre," (He held that "are" for a long time, before mumbling something about being a pirate). "So anyways, anyways, anyways, I was wondering if you could bring me over- over YOUR house, because my parents, my stupid parents, they aren't at YOUR house, they're, um... they're at my house. Um, I think. And they think drinking is bad, like, I shouldn't be drinking, but I WAS drinking, and uh, and they- they won't be nice if they KNOW I was drinking, because I think I was drinking..."
Kurt saw how crapulous his friend was and knew he could easily sneak Blaine into his house. Kurt, while being a pretty good boy, was quite clever. So, Kurt helped out Blaine, walking him all the way to the Hummel-Hudson household. Now, everyone warns against driving drunk, but walking drunk was a pretty bad idea too. Blaine almost ran- or, awkwardly pranced, I suppose- into traffic and ended up walking into a pole really hard. Kurt knew he could do away with the redness, though, by lending Blaine some skin care products.
After much ninja- like movement, Blaine and Kurt were both in Kurt's room. It was a beautiful room, and Blaine especially liked the bed. Kurt could tell by the fact that he ran to it, hugging the pillows and jumping on the bed.
"KURT IT'S SO PRETTY" An inebriated Blaine declared, as Kurt went to quiet him. After getting Blaine to stop jumping by getting him to bite into the pillow, which blaine was convinced was a marshmallow, Kurt informed Blaine that he was going to change in to pajamas.
"Kurt, Kurt, can I wear pajamas? I really really, reallyreally wanna wear pajamas."
"Blaine, you don't have pajamas. And I doubt mine are going to fit you at all."
"But, but... but I wanna wear pajamas..." Blaine cried with a puppy dog face.
"Ok, fine," Kurt started, "You can have these pants I only wear post-Christmas when I eat too many tree-shaped cookies. Even then they're still big, though." Sweatpants flew across the room, from Kurt to Blaine, who snatched them up like a little kid who just broke open a pinata.
As Kurt went to take his pants off, Blaine jumped up and gave Kurt a hug.
"Blaine!" Kurt said, pushing him off, "please, I'm not wearing any pants!"
"But... but you're cute when you don't wear any pants," Blaine replied. At this, Kurt felt the tiniest bit of hope that his love was truly reciprocated; however, he knew that Blaine was just drunk. Really, Blaine had made out with Rachel earlier, and anyone willing to make out with Rachel would probably even resort to bestiality.
"Blaine," Kurt continued, "Let me change, ok?"
Blaine nodded. He had also given up on putting on Kurt's pants; in fact, he probably didn't even remember that they were pants, as he started cuddling them and calling them "Squishy". Blaine, when drunk, was a mixture of a sex-driven teenager and a stupid child.
Finally, Kurt came to bed. Maternally, he turned to Blaine:
"Ok, Listen boy. You are going to lie down and go to sleep now, ok?"
"But... I don't want..." And right with that, Blaine dozed off to sleep.
Kurt laid back. "Well, that was easier than I thought it would be." Seeing as Kurt was really tired from his first night of hardcore partying, it didn't take much for him to follow Blaine's footsteps and also fall asleep. Blaine did kick a lot, which did make sleep harder for Kurt, but eventually, it happened.
While asleep, Kurt's unconscious mind ran wild. Seriously, if there were ever a fight for Freud's idea that everyone's a perv, it would be this dream Kurt had.
The dream started out with Blaine singing a love song to Kurt. Kurt didn't know what the song was, but it sounded like something off of High School Musical or whatever. Both of them were wearing their Warbler's uniforms, but then Blaine tore off his shirt and blazer, leaving only his pants, his tie, and his body hair. Kurt wasn't usually a fan of body hair, but it was just so sexy. Then Blaine's song changed to something that sounded more like Ke$ha or that song about being in love with a stripper while tearing his pants off. As the song went on, he teased Kurt, dancing around him in scandalous ways- and when I say "scandalous ways," I mean like how many teenagers dance during school dances. Yeah, rubbing all up on each other and- you get the idea.
After the song finished, Blaine started making out with Kurt, tearing Kurt's clothing off piece by piece. Kurt enjoyed this. Kurt enjoyed this A LOT.
Anyway, after all pieces of clothing had been removed from their bodies, a bed magically appeared. Blaine led Kurt to this magical bed, which looked like a water bed. Anyway, both of them went under the covers and, uh, unless you're Burt Hummel you can pretty much guess what happened next.
Kurt awoke from this fantasy love-making fest with something that many boys wake up with. A friend popped up, we could say- a friend who wasn't Blaine.
...I'm talking about his penis, ok? He had an erection. If you hadn't gathered that, then... just... ok... this is getting awkward...
Anyway, to Kurt's happiness, Blaine was still asleep. Kurt ran to the bathroom, which was thankfully right next to his room and not across a hall. Basically, Kurt took care of the situation, and then started his daily skin routine. He was actually just exfoliating when he heard his father yelling something about eggs. It didn't worry him much- he'd just play it cool, and if his dad happened to say something, he'd bring up the fact that Puckerman could sleep over and not an eyelash would be bashed.
Thankfully, his father realized the awkwardness of the situation, and left the room. After this, Kurt finished up his skin routine and went over to Blaine.
"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Kurt said, throwing a pillow against Blaine's head.
Blaine got up. "Ugh, it feels like that pillow was a rock," he whined.
"Well, at least now you're aware that it's not a marshmallow," Kurt observed.
"Wait... what? What even happened last night?"
"A party... you made out with Rachel... we came over here..."
"Wait... did we... clothing stayed on, right?"
"Of course!" Kurt refuted that point in a heartbeat. "I can't say the same for Brittany last night at the party."
"Now THAT I remember," Blaine told Kurt. "Man, if I weren't busy dancing, I probably would have. Never let me drink again, ok Kurt? Seriously, I had the weirdest dream last night..."
"Oh really?" Asked Kurt, "Please, go on,"
"Well, you were in it... and we were drinking coffee, and then we started..." he paused, before admitting... "throwing up rainbows."
Kurt giggled, saying, "What?" at the same time.
Puking rainbows. All right.
Blaine looked back up at Kurt. "So, did you have a dream last night?"
"Um..." Kurt thought, his mind going crazy, "Nope. Nothing that I can remember."
LE END.