Misa doesn't like feeling ugly.
She stares at her reflection in the mirror, attempting to stretch her red-painted lips into a synthetic smile. For all her efforts it dies half-way across her face, twisting into a frown. She shouldn't frown so much, she'll give herself wrinkles.
She closes her eyes but that's no good either because when she shuts out the world – her bedroom and her mirror and the little girl behind the glass - she's only left with her shallow breathing and her fragmented thoughts and her real reflection, the one that lurks deep in her subconscious like some horrible disease.
The real her can only be found deep within her soul playing hide-and-seek where no one else can see and stare. She's the stuff nightmares are made out of, the shadows under her bed with the lamp-like eyes and the creatures in her closet with the pointed teeth. Her mom always used to scare those away for her but she can't do that anymore because she's dead and now Misa wonders idly if she could still scare the monsters away even though the only monster left is herself.
She's twisted and mutilated and covered with dirt and her clothes are all torn into ribbons and she's so grotesque and disfigured she's not even a person anymore, just a horrible thing with matted hair and gaping sockets and a stitched-up smile. Her eyes are bloody, her dress is bloody, her skin is bloody, her mouth is bloody, her hands are bloody. She smells of death.
She smells of murder.
Light never holds her properly to his chest like a boyfriend should, he keeps her at arms' length like she's a virus and she'll infect him. She shudders when he looks into her eyes and wonders what he can see, wonders if that's why he never hugs her or kisses her or loves her back.
She knows she's still Misa underneath all the filth but it's piled on so thick she doesn't know where to start so just stops bothering. Instead, she sits with her notebook in her lap writing down names and more and more people die and Misa thinks she might have died a little bit as well but it's all worth it if Light will love her.
Something deep within Misa – something even deeper than the shadows and the nightmares – knows she's lying to herself. It's not worth it because Misa can't even love herself anymore. She's too proud and vain and this new Misa is too ugly.
Misa can't stand being ugly.
a.n: yay. ooc-ness and emo-ness 4 da max D