The Ass
Pirate, Or, Not A Usual Symptom In The Least
Commodore James Norrington, for
his part, could hardly believe he was doing this. Was it not
enough that he had graciously accepted Elizabeth's choice of
Turner over himself? Was it not enough, moreover, that he had
remained friends with Miss Swann, and, for her sake, even been
cordial to the young blacksmith?
This, however, was ridiculous. A 'personal favor' for Governor
Swann, who, knowing that Will would spend the night before his
wedding carousing about town with the lads of his acquaintance,
as most young men about to be married did, had asked James to
join that merry party, and, "Well, rather, just keep a loose
watch upon young Turner; you know as well as I that, at times,
the lad lacks sound judgment."
With that, the Commodore had to agree, given that Turner had
commandeered the 'Interceptor' with the aid of a pirate he had
broken out of jail; he still was not entirely sure that he
forgave Will that lovely, swift ship's loss.
In other words, Swann did not want his soon-to-be son-in-law
breaking Elizabeth's heart by being passed out insensibly in some
gutter come the eleven o'clock nuptials, or, worse, coming to
their marriage bed newly poxxed following an indiscretion in one
of Port Royal's more down-at-heels brothels.
James sighed, and, looking across the table at Turner, and his
trio of compatriots, two of whom were even more thoroughly
inebriated than Will, and, the third of whom had passed out where
he sat, decided that there was at least little chance of the
latter; unused to drinking whiskey, Will was quite well on his
way to being much too drunk to function, even were he inclined to
seek out a lady of the evening at this point.
Then, a smirk twitched the Commodore's lips upwards, and,
slightly tipsy, though hardly drunk, himself, he chuckled softly,
and, a bit maliciously, he commented, My dear Mr. Turner,
you are going to have such a headache come morning.
Will, hearing Norrington speaking, turned to face him, a bit
blearily, and nodded, his head bobbing entirely too much,
Yesh, Com'dore, I know. Did tha lasht time I drank,
too. Course, that wass rum.
Curious now, James asked, Oh, and when was this?,
unaware for his part that William was much of a drinker at all.
Was'h when Shparrow an' me commadeered the
In'ceptor'. Think it was.. Um.. The second
ni' out from here. Well, y'shee, Sparrow was
drinkin' rum an', he got me to try some an' I
ended up drinkin' lotsh, replied Will, waving his
hands in a fair drunken imitation of the pirate captain, and,
completely failing to notice how the mention of Sparrow, and the
Interceptor', made the lines of James' face go
tight and tense as he suppressed his anger. I see,
replied Norrington, tersely.
continued Will, head bobbing, grinning stupid
with drink, worsening his condition by another swallow of the
whiskey even now, Sho, y'see, I know ALL about
m'head'll be killin' me, an' m'arshe
ll hurt the devil, too.
At that, James knew one of his eyebrows was quirking up in
curiosity, and he asked, Pardon me?
Will nodded again, like some sort of wounded pelican, and
answered, I dun' really remember allat much, caush, I
drunk so much rum, but whens I woke up, Jack told me about ish a
hangover, m' head an' bum throbbin' an achin'
fit to kill me, his tone quite solemn.
Fighting down a burst of laughter, James knew he was smirking,
nonetheless, asking, Would Captain Sparrow by any chance
have been grinning rather in the manner, as they say, of the cat
who has gotten the cream, that next day?
Will nodded again, wobble-headed, tossing down yet more whiskey,
Yesh, now'y'mention it, Com'dore. He wash
all grinnin' like mad.
James could barely suppress a grin of his own as he queried,
casually, Do you know why the pirate was so amused, Mr.
Turner?
The drunken young blacksmith had to think long and hard about
this, but finally indicated, with a shake of his head as loose as
his nod, and a slurred mutter, that he did not.
Now allowing the smile to emerge, Norrington said, Well,
then, allow me to enlighten you, which will be likely very
amusing on the slim chance that you remember this conversation on
the morrow. The reason your Captain Sparrow was so pleased with
himself is this: a sore arse' is not, in the least, a
symptom of a hangover!
Will only grinned stupidly, and nodded one last time, immediately
before becoming the second member of the celebratory quintet to
have his eyes roll up as he passed out from over-indulgence.
Despite having an unconscious blacksmith, the very one who had
stolen both his lady and his ship, attempting to drool onto his
jacket shoulder, despite that his own gentleman's honor, and
propriety would prevent him from ever repeating the sordid tale
of Will's unknowing buggery, James Norrington found himself
smiling, just the slightest bit, he acknowledged to himself, in
deliciously vengeful mirth.