Meep: Hello everyone! Wow, it's been awhile, huh? Here we have a quick little crack RP that me and Feli-chan cranked out in order to get us back in the spirit of writing. Prequel to come soon ;)
Feli: Cranked this out in a week! Haha, the last time we did this random of an RP was in high school! We hope you'll enjoy!
Meep: Can you guess who is Roy and who is Ed? Enjoy!
"Goddamn it, Roy, where the fuck did you put the Midol?" Edward growled as he slammed the door to Roy's office shut.
Roy glanced up from the stacks of paperwork on his desk, knowing better at this point than to be surprised.
"Hello, Fullmetal. Nice to see you alive and well," the colonel pleasantly ignored him.
"Yeah, yeah, I'd be better if you didn't keep hiding the damn Midol." Edward went over to Roy's desk with a glare. "So where did you put it?"
"Now, see, that's the part I don't understand." The colonel folded his hands under his chin. "What in the world would you need that for? And why would you think to come to me for it?" He laughed lightly. It was true that he tended to keep extra lube in his desk drawer in case of...emergencies, but that didn't mean he was some kind of walking drugstore like Ed seemed to believe.
"Ya know -for pain? Like what you're being now." Ed glared.
Roy had to laugh at that. "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not prepared for that sort of pain. You might try asking Lieutenant Hawkeye?"
Edward cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing farther. "What are you talking about, asshole?" Wincing, he rubbed his head a little, "I'm in pain and you're being difficult. Why would I bother the Lieutenant when I know you have it?"
Roy blinked at him. "Edward," he said carefully, "you do know what Midol is for, don't you?" At this point, he had assumed Ed was asking on someone else's behalf, not for himself.
"For pain," Ed sighed exasperatedly. "Forget it Roy, I'll buy some on my way home and charge it to your military account." The blonde turned from the desk and shook his head slightly.
"No, Ed, wait!" Roy nearly lunged over his desk, reaching out to him. He would never live it down if the people in accounting found out he had charged that on the military's dime. "Ed, your pain: where is it, exactly?" He couldn't believe how dense Ed was being right now.
Ed turned his head to look back at Roy. "My head," he said slowly; he couldn't believe his lover at times.
"Your head," Roy repeated. "I see, I see, that makes sense… How about your uterus, Ed? Is that doing okay?"
"My what?" Ed sputtered as he turned fully around. "You ass, you of all people know I don't have one!" Edward felt both offended and confused.
"Thank goodness you at least know that much." Roy was genuinely relieved he didn't have to go into another anatomy lesson. It pained him just to remember the last time. "I assume, then, that you also know that means you can't get " -agh, so awkward- "menstrual cramps?" he choked on the words a little.
"Wh-what. Of course I know that!" Edward felt his face flush. "Listen, I just want some Midol, what's the big deal and why are you being so weird?"
"The big deal…" Roy began, trying in vain to remain calm, "is if you know all that, then how is it possible you have no idea that Midol is for your period? Answer me that, Ed! How has a gifted alchemist like yourself lived 15 years in this world without having come to terms with that yet?"
Edward blinked. "Roy. I don't have periods. We just went over that." As Roy opened his mouth to say more, Ed shook his head. "I can't believe a man like yourself has lived thirty years and not known men can't get periods. And besides, Winry gives me Midol when I've got headaches."
"Twenty-nine," Roy immediately corrected him. Then he, too, shook his head. "Of course I know that, it's you I'm not so sure about. Honestly, Ed, Midol is for periods. I'm not quite sure why Ms. Rockbell gives you that." Convenience? Or maybe she liked the feeling of pulling one over on Ed -he could relate.
Edward blinked slowly. Then his shoulders dropped a moment before his head did. "Damn it, Win! First with the tampons, and now this?" He sighed after mentally vowing to get revenge on his mechanic for this. "Can you just get me something for my damn headache and never mention this again?"
"That was her, too?" Damn, maybe she did know what she was doing. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of aspirin and tossed it to Ed. "How did that come up?" He tried not to grin too obviously, lest Ed refuse to tell him.
Edward rolled his eyes as he looked at the bottle. "We've been over this, bastard. Don't laugh too hard." Ed grumbled. "Also, why'd you give me stuff for your ass? My head hurts, not my ass."
Roy suddenly stopped laughing. "What? What did I give you? Give that back," he said a little too quickly, digging back through that drawer to try to figure out what was missing.
"Uh, it says right here on the bottle 'Asprin,' isn't that just for when you have pain in your ass?"
"Oh." Roy felt his cheeks color a little. For a second there, he thought he had mistakenly given Ed something else. "No, Ed, aspirin. The painkiller." He laughed. "Are you serious?"
Ed flushed again, popped open the pill bottle and took two dry. After swallowing, he pointedly looked away as he tossed the bottle back at Roy. "Well, Roy, you're going to want to find that real ass medicine for tonight." Ed glanced back at Roy, a malicious smirk on his face.
Roy blinked at him a few times, caught completely off guard. But his grin was quick to return, mirroring Ed's. "Really? Well, I'll look forward to it, then. Just don't be too rough with me: I'm not as used to this as you are." He was glad Ed had already tossed back the glass bottle, or he had a feeling it would be on a trajectory to his skull right about now.
Edward rolled his eyes, smirk not leaving his face. "Well, that'll change tonight," he turned toward the door chuckling.
"Right…" Roy agreed, absently. He gulped, watching Ed's ass as he swayed out the door. Only after the door had been firmly closed behind him, did Roy break out of his stupor and adjust himself in his chair. Damn, how did he do it? A minute ago, he swore he had been the one teasing Ed, but somehow he had managed to turn the tables on him.
He really was going to have to dig out that ass medicine when he got home.