Nick looked over the railing of the ship, trying to gauge the distance. He was tempted to toss a quarter over but he figured he might need it later.
He couldn't believe he'd thought this weekend could have gone differently. He was only on this cruise because it was Genslinger's wedding and Nick only said yes because he was afraid Genslinger would have cried if Nick had said no. He was the ugliest crier. Plus he had told Nick there would be free booze, which sold Nick immediately.
Of course Nick had agreed to all this when he and Jess were still together. Thank goodness the other guys were invited as well or it would have been a most awkward weekend.
Nick had briefly hoped that this could lead to reconciliation between him and Jess, but right now it didn't look so great.
Jess had ended up in the wedding party for her hand in helping Paul and Jen getting engaged. She had been paired up with Jen's brother, one of the groomsmen, and it seemed that they hadn't left each other's sides all night. It pained Nick to see her laugh at the guy's jokes, to play with her hair the way she did when she was flirting. He had done his time watching her date other men before they got together. He thought it was agonizing then, but it as nothing like what he felt now.
He looked over the railing again. He had only came out here because "Groovy Kind of Love" had came on. It was the song that he had requested of the DJ and was going to use it to bring back good memories with Jess, but as he made his way over to her, that damn brother took Jess's hand, led her to the dance floor, and instead of doing the chicken dance like Nick had planned for them, he gave her a proper dance.
Nick had stood there dumbly, not sure what to do until he saw Jess briefly lookover at him, and with that he had made a beeline for the exit and found himself at this railing.
He stared out at the ocean for a while, letting the breeze rustle his hair. If Jess had already moved on, it seemed it was time for him to move on too. Isn't this what they had both said they wanted though? Hadn't they both missed being friends? But Nick really didn't mean that. He said a lot of things he didn't mean. Besides, Jess had always been more than just a friend to him.
She was the girl of his dreams.
He wished he had grabbed a drink before heading out here. He could really do with drinking his feelings away; it was something he was great at. He thought about heading back in to grab one but decided against it when he could hear another slow song starting in the background. He thought about texting Winston to grab him one, but then Winston would ask why he was outside and Nick just didn't want to get into that right now. To Winston and the rest of the roommates, Nick was absolutely fine with everything that was going on; at least that was what Nick told them. He was sure they knew he was lying, but they didn't bother to call Nick out on it.
He heard the door open behind him. He didn't turn around because it had been opening and closing the whole time he had been out there.
"Hey sailor," a familiar voice said behind him causing his heart to ache.
He took a deep breath and pasted on the smile he'd been faking for weeks now, "Hey Jess," he said turning around. "Having fun in there?"
"Yeah, it's been such a crazy night!" Her face was beaming, "Ren had to run back to his cabin for something so I told him I was going to get some fresh air."
So that's his name. Nick thought to himself.
"What are you doing out here?" Jess asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Oh ya know," Nick's voice cracked a little. "It was just feeling too crowded and stuffy in there so I decided to come enjoy the ocean air." Nick hoped he had convinced Jess because he sure as hell didn't convince himself; he was a terrible liar.
Jess gave him a quizzical look, but she didn't say anything. She talked about the wedding ceremony and how beautiful it had been. She told Nick about Ren, his profession, what his likes and dislikes were, and it was more than Nick could handle.
"You know Jess, I actually need to go to my cabin too. I think I'm turning in early. I'm um…" he tried to think up an excuse, "I'm feeling kind of sea sick all of a sudden."
"Oh," Jess said. Nick couldn't help, but glance at her perfect lips forming that little syllable. He could remember the way her lips felt against his.
At that thought he quickly mumbled a goodbye and left.
Nick finally made it to his cabin, only getting lost a couple of times. He fell on his bed face forward and groaned into the mattress. He was sharing a cabin with Schmidt, but Schmidt had disappeared with one of the bridesmaids so Nick didn't expect to see him all night. Nick crawled under the blankets and hugged one of the pillows to his chest. He let his mind go blank as he let the ship rock him to sleep.
Nick was woken up by a loud knock on the door. He sleepily got up, muttering to himself about Schmidt forgetting his key. He opened the door and it wasn't Schmidt he found, it was Jess.
"What are you doing here?" Nick rubbed at his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them."
"I'm here to see you." She looked up at him. Nick could tell she had some alcohol in her system; a glazy look in her eyes.
Nick rolled his eyes as he let her into his room, knowing they were going to get in a fight and didn't want to disturb the other guests on the ship. "Shouldn't you be with Ren or whatever his name is?"
"What is wrong with you Nick? I thought this was what you wanted? You agreed to be just friends and so isn't that what we are? You have no right to be mad at me for talking to another guy!"
"No I do have a right, you ended this Jess. I only went along with it because you said we have nothing in common except for that we supposedly loved each other. But if you really loved me, you wouldn't have been shamelessly flirting with that guy and waving him in front of my face!" There, Nick said it. It was what he had been bottling up for weeks and what hit boiling point tonight.
Jess opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it.
"I'm right." Nick said quietly, "Because you don't have anything to say to defend yourself."
Nick went and sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. He closed his eyes and tried to will Jess away with his mind. He wished he'd never met her, because he wouldn't have hurt this much.
"Nick," Jess finally said softly. She kneeled on the floor and put her hands on his knees. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will. The reason I am here and not with Ren is because I couldn't shut up about you and it annoyed Ren. He said it was obvious who I really wanted to be with tonight."
Nick peeked through his fingers and studied Jess's face. He could see the sincerity on her face. She reached up and removed his hands from his face and looked into his eyes.
"Ever since we said we wanted to be just friends, we haven't been. You just can't be friends with an ex."
"Can't spell sex without the ex," Nick quoted Coach then shook his head, knowing that was the wrong time to say that. Nevertheless, it made Jess laugh.
Her laugh softened him a little. He missed hearing it in his ear after a night of lovemaking. He looked in her deep blues. They drew him in and he moved closer and closer until his lips met hers.
At first their kiss was slow and unsure, then they parted for just a moment, glanced into each others' eyes, and they kissed each other in earnest. Nick grabbed her and moved her up onto the bed with him, wanting to be closer to her. They worked at each other's clothes.
Nick couldn't believe this was happening. He had thought this would never happen again. He thought he and Jess were over. But in this moment, he knew that he was wrong, things would never really be over with Jess.
Afterwards, Nick continued to hold Jess in his arms. He wasn't going to let her get away from him again.
"I love you Jessica. You may say that is the only thing we have in common, but I say it's the most important thing we have in common."
"I say you're right Nicholas." She nuzzled her head into his shoulder, her hand playing with the hair on his chest. "I love you too." She added.
"So are we uncalling it?" Nick said hopefully.
"Yes, Nick. We are."
They looked at each other and smiled, then went in for round two.