You Are Loved
by moi
Duo hadn't felt so alone for years-not since before he had been at Maxwell Church. He had thought that this feeling of lonliness; self hatred; worthlessness and numbness was gone forever-but it had returned to haunt him.
The razor cut into the pale skin of his forearm, leaving a long red slice that immediatly started oozing crimson fluid. Duo watched without expression as his blood ran down the curve of his arm. The cut stung, burned-but didn't really hurt. Was it because it didn't hurt, or because Duo was so numb, so dead inside that not even physical pain could distract him from the loss he felt in his soul?
The razor flicked across his arm again, and again. With each swipe, a new gash was opened-yet Duo's expression didn't change. He wasn't trying to kill himself-though maybe he should....he just wanted to know he was alive, more than an unfeeling corpse.
A corpse. Thats what Duo had felt like ever since Heero left. He was dead inside-no one cared about him. Everyone who ever had had hurt him. He didn't want to be alone, he couldn't take being without Heero....
A hand-Duo's own-pressed the razor blade against his pale skin, then pulled it slowly across the flesh. It didn't hurt.....Duo could slice himself to ribbons, and still feel nothing.
A door opened, momentarily distracting the braided boy. Who would come here? Was it Heero? No, Heero left, never to return. To hope would only bring disapointment-Duo mustn't hope for the other boy's return. He knew he never would.
What had Heero called him? Someone who couldn't take life, or love seriously? Someone who deserved to die alone....someone who he could never love.
Was Duo that? Was life a joke to him?
Footsteps.....he could here someone going up the stairs. Not Heero-it couldn't be Heero...but who else was there? Maybe it was a robber-Duo hoped it was. He wanted an excuse to kill something....or maybe the robber would kill him. That would probably be better.....
The footsteps paused and Duo heard the door being pushed open with a slight squeek, but he didn't look up. The blood on his skin was much prettier and inviting than anyone's face-except Heero's. Be Heero was gone, never to return.
Into the room......the person deliberatly entered Duo's vision. White pants, plain slipper-like shoes. Not Heero. Why had Duo hoped? Why couldn't he stop himself from hoping? He knew his one-time lover was gone....gone. How final that sounded....but isn't that what Heero had said? Said he was leaving, and never coming back? Gone.....
"Maxwell," A strong hand grabbed Duo by the chin, forcing his face up to meet the dark, mysterious eyes of his visitor. Duo stared at him, not letting expression on his face.
The eyes lowered, pausing on Duo's hand; the razor and blood covered arm. A strong hand pulled the bloody blade out of Shinigami's fingers, and placed it on a side table. Duo didn't try to hold on, he just watched. The blade was doing little anyway-it did not hurt, it did not distract....
"Damn it, Maxwell," the other boy growled, hauling Duo to his feet. Duo stumbled, barely able to stand. The dark haired visitor propelled Duo into the bathroom and forced him to sit on the toilet seat. Duo caught a glimse of himself in the mirror-long hair tousled, skin pale and pasty, his eyes rimmed in red from crying and lack of sleep-he looked so different, so remorse and serious. WOuld Heero prefer him this way? He no longer made the world a joke, would Heero come back if he changed?
No...no, he mustn't think of that. Heero would never come back, no matter what. Duo couldn't think of that....couldn't think of Heero, or those cobalt eyes that made his heart scream. He couldn't think of the small smiles Heero had begun giving him, or the hard, icy look the boy had worn when he'd left....
"You look like Hell," the other boy said, providing a brief distraction as he took hold of Duo's wrist and pulled it over to him. "When did you last eat? Or sleep?" A wet washcloth ran over Duo's arm, washing away the blood and revealing the still-bleeding scratches beneath it. The other boy's frown deepened at the sight. "Let me guess, not since Heero left?" Duo flinched at the sound of his one-time boyfriend's name
The other boy sighed and took a roll of gauze to wrap Duo's arm up. Duo watched him with listless eyes.
Once finished, the dark haired boy squat down so he could look Duo in the eye. "I know it hurts," he said, his voice surprisingly comforting and filled with compassion. "But life goes on, Duo-you can't die because of this." Duo felt his lip beginning to quiver slightly, and forced himself not to think. "You are stronger than that, Duo," The voice was continueing. "And we still care about you,"
"No you don't," Duo's voice was hoarse. "And no I'm not. I'm nothing. I can't pretend anymore. The only time I was something was when I was piloting Deathscythe, but now I'm nothing. Just another left over, lonely soldier. No one loves me, Heero was right..."
Strong hands gripped Duo's shoulders, shaking the boy. Duo flinched away from the contact, but the hands were still there. "I don't believe that, Maxwell-and you shouldn't either. I know other people love you, care about you," the boy took a deep breath. "I love you, Duo."
Surprised violet eyes rised to look into the deep, dark ones of a beautiful dragon. "You, Wu?" Duo's voice was soft, timid, scared.
Wufei nodded slightly, studying his friend's face. "Come on," He stood, gently pulling Duo up with him. "We're going back to my place-you need to eat and sleep and recouperate,"
"But," Duo protested weakly as he was steered through the house. "What about Heero?"
Wufei paused, and wrapped an arm around the other boy's shoulders-partially to help him, partially to reassure him. "I'm sorry about Heero, Duo-but as I said, you need to take care of yourself. Heero wouldn't want you to..." He trailed off as Duo was unable to restrain his tears any further.
The tears hurt...they hurt more than the scratches because they reminded Duo of Heero's absense. Strong arms encircled him, and Duo found his cheek pressed against surprisingly soft fabric. Heero used to hold him...Heero....His hands clutched at the shirt while the tears continued to trail down his face. This wasn't Heero.....Boys don't cry, don't want to be weak....a thousand thoughts filtered through Duo's mind, but none of them could pause his silent sobs.
Slowly, the tears stopped coming, but the arms didn't let him go. Duo picked at the now-wet fabric with weak fingers, smelling it....it smelled not of Heero, but of Wufei, but Duo found that that wasn't so bad.
After several minutes, the arms that held him close loosened, and hands were put on Duo's shoulders, gently pulling him away, but holding him up at the same time. Duo looked up and found Wufei's face, surprised at the gentle look on the boy's features.
"Come on, Duo," the Chinese boy said simply. "Lets leave the past in this house...."
Duo's brow furrowed slightly. "You really want me with you?" he asked, sounding like an insecure child.
Wufei smiled ever so slightly. "Of course, Maxwell," his voice held none of it's usual harshness, or annoyance-it was very pretty sounding actually. "As I said, you are loved...."
OWARI (I think)
Disclaimer: GW doesn't belond to me. Don't sue.
Note: ~smiles slightly~ I love 2x5/5x2.....
by moi
Duo hadn't felt so alone for years-not since before he had been at Maxwell Church. He had thought that this feeling of lonliness; self hatred; worthlessness and numbness was gone forever-but it had returned to haunt him.
The razor cut into the pale skin of his forearm, leaving a long red slice that immediatly started oozing crimson fluid. Duo watched without expression as his blood ran down the curve of his arm. The cut stung, burned-but didn't really hurt. Was it because it didn't hurt, or because Duo was so numb, so dead inside that not even physical pain could distract him from the loss he felt in his soul?
The razor flicked across his arm again, and again. With each swipe, a new gash was opened-yet Duo's expression didn't change. He wasn't trying to kill himself-though maybe he should....he just wanted to know he was alive, more than an unfeeling corpse.
A corpse. Thats what Duo had felt like ever since Heero left. He was dead inside-no one cared about him. Everyone who ever had had hurt him. He didn't want to be alone, he couldn't take being without Heero....
A hand-Duo's own-pressed the razor blade against his pale skin, then pulled it slowly across the flesh. It didn't hurt.....Duo could slice himself to ribbons, and still feel nothing.
A door opened, momentarily distracting the braided boy. Who would come here? Was it Heero? No, Heero left, never to return. To hope would only bring disapointment-Duo mustn't hope for the other boy's return. He knew he never would.
What had Heero called him? Someone who couldn't take life, or love seriously? Someone who deserved to die alone....someone who he could never love.
Was Duo that? Was life a joke to him?
Footsteps.....he could here someone going up the stairs. Not Heero-it couldn't be Heero...but who else was there? Maybe it was a robber-Duo hoped it was. He wanted an excuse to kill something....or maybe the robber would kill him. That would probably be better.....
The footsteps paused and Duo heard the door being pushed open with a slight squeek, but he didn't look up. The blood on his skin was much prettier and inviting than anyone's face-except Heero's. Be Heero was gone, never to return.
Into the room......the person deliberatly entered Duo's vision. White pants, plain slipper-like shoes. Not Heero. Why had Duo hoped? Why couldn't he stop himself from hoping? He knew his one-time lover was gone....gone. How final that sounded....but isn't that what Heero had said? Said he was leaving, and never coming back? Gone.....
"Maxwell," A strong hand grabbed Duo by the chin, forcing his face up to meet the dark, mysterious eyes of his visitor. Duo stared at him, not letting expression on his face.
The eyes lowered, pausing on Duo's hand; the razor and blood covered arm. A strong hand pulled the bloody blade out of Shinigami's fingers, and placed it on a side table. Duo didn't try to hold on, he just watched. The blade was doing little anyway-it did not hurt, it did not distract....
"Damn it, Maxwell," the other boy growled, hauling Duo to his feet. Duo stumbled, barely able to stand. The dark haired visitor propelled Duo into the bathroom and forced him to sit on the toilet seat. Duo caught a glimse of himself in the mirror-long hair tousled, skin pale and pasty, his eyes rimmed in red from crying and lack of sleep-he looked so different, so remorse and serious. WOuld Heero prefer him this way? He no longer made the world a joke, would Heero come back if he changed?
No...no, he mustn't think of that. Heero would never come back, no matter what. Duo couldn't think of that....couldn't think of Heero, or those cobalt eyes that made his heart scream. He couldn't think of the small smiles Heero had begun giving him, or the hard, icy look the boy had worn when he'd left....
"You look like Hell," the other boy said, providing a brief distraction as he took hold of Duo's wrist and pulled it over to him. "When did you last eat? Or sleep?" A wet washcloth ran over Duo's arm, washing away the blood and revealing the still-bleeding scratches beneath it. The other boy's frown deepened at the sight. "Let me guess, not since Heero left?" Duo flinched at the sound of his one-time boyfriend's name
The other boy sighed and took a roll of gauze to wrap Duo's arm up. Duo watched him with listless eyes.
Once finished, the dark haired boy squat down so he could look Duo in the eye. "I know it hurts," he said, his voice surprisingly comforting and filled with compassion. "But life goes on, Duo-you can't die because of this." Duo felt his lip beginning to quiver slightly, and forced himself not to think. "You are stronger than that, Duo," The voice was continueing. "And we still care about you,"
"No you don't," Duo's voice was hoarse. "And no I'm not. I'm nothing. I can't pretend anymore. The only time I was something was when I was piloting Deathscythe, but now I'm nothing. Just another left over, lonely soldier. No one loves me, Heero was right..."
Strong hands gripped Duo's shoulders, shaking the boy. Duo flinched away from the contact, but the hands were still there. "I don't believe that, Maxwell-and you shouldn't either. I know other people love you, care about you," the boy took a deep breath. "I love you, Duo."
Surprised violet eyes rised to look into the deep, dark ones of a beautiful dragon. "You, Wu?" Duo's voice was soft, timid, scared.
Wufei nodded slightly, studying his friend's face. "Come on," He stood, gently pulling Duo up with him. "We're going back to my place-you need to eat and sleep and recouperate,"
"But," Duo protested weakly as he was steered through the house. "What about Heero?"
Wufei paused, and wrapped an arm around the other boy's shoulders-partially to help him, partially to reassure him. "I'm sorry about Heero, Duo-but as I said, you need to take care of yourself. Heero wouldn't want you to..." He trailed off as Duo was unable to restrain his tears any further.
The tears hurt...they hurt more than the scratches because they reminded Duo of Heero's absense. Strong arms encircled him, and Duo found his cheek pressed against surprisingly soft fabric. Heero used to hold him...Heero....His hands clutched at the shirt while the tears continued to trail down his face. This wasn't Heero.....Boys don't cry, don't want to be weak....a thousand thoughts filtered through Duo's mind, but none of them could pause his silent sobs.
Slowly, the tears stopped coming, but the arms didn't let him go. Duo picked at the now-wet fabric with weak fingers, smelling it....it smelled not of Heero, but of Wufei, but Duo found that that wasn't so bad.
After several minutes, the arms that held him close loosened, and hands were put on Duo's shoulders, gently pulling him away, but holding him up at the same time. Duo looked up and found Wufei's face, surprised at the gentle look on the boy's features.
"Come on, Duo," the Chinese boy said simply. "Lets leave the past in this house...."
Duo's brow furrowed slightly. "You really want me with you?" he asked, sounding like an insecure child.
Wufei smiled ever so slightly. "Of course, Maxwell," his voice held none of it's usual harshness, or annoyance-it was very pretty sounding actually. "As I said, you are loved...."
OWARI (I think)
Disclaimer: GW doesn't belond to me. Don't sue.
Note: ~smiles slightly~ I love 2x5/5x2.....