Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Rukia closed her eyes as she began to doze off on the soft grass. The evening was cool with a hint of a pleasant breeze. The moon was full and bright, casting a light glow on her surroundings. It was very nice, and she planned to spend the rest of her patrol doing nothing.
Her cell phone vibrated. Rukia shut her eyes even more tightly. Hopefully, she would be lucky and the problem would be taken care of by another Shinigami. Hopefully.
But the humming continued and Rukia silently swore she would torture the inconsiderate Hollow before sending it back to Hell where she knew it deserved to be for ruining her evening.
She slid her cell open with unnecessary force, nearly snapping the phone in half. The screen showed two large red dots merging together, signaling two captain-level reiatsu arrancar. But what the hell were they-
Oh. Rukia felt her shoulders relax as all sense of worry and priority left her, only to be replaced by annoyance and another wave of idleness. She sighed as she closed the phone and flash-stepped to the location.
Even within a mile of the "emergency", Rukia felt the reiatsu of the arrancar and vizard as it flared recklessly. After this evening, she would kill Ichigo, learn Bankai, and send Grimmjow after him. This would make the 5th this week she had to cover for them. And they were getting bold. If this wouldn't notify Soul Society that their Shinigami representative was screwing with the last Espada, then she didn't know what would.
Within 1,000 feet, she could hear them. Their groans, cries of delight, and harsh curses were LOUD. If Rukia didn't know any better, Ichigo was trying to let the whole fucking world, dead and alive, know he was gay. For privacy's sake, she decided the distance was suitable. She began to chant the words to erect the reiatsu sealing barrier.
As soon as it was up and running, Rukia slid her phone open again (to her further annoyance, it seemed the screen had cracked under the pressure of the other two going at it) to check. Assuming those two sex hounds hadn't damaged the device's sensor as well, the phone did not pick up any more signs of "unusual activity" but as an added precaution, Rukia decided to stay in case some Shinigami would arrive (drastically late) to see what the prior disturbance was about.
This arrangement began about a month ago. Ichigo had approached her (blushing furiously) and asked her to help him out with his lack of housing. Apparently, having sex in Urahara's space was not working out. Between the manager's constant perverted interruptions and observations and the exuberant cost, it was a humiliating experience. At the moment, Rukia did not know whether to feel worse for Ichigo or the poor kids employed at the shop, but she was persuaded to help.
Unfortunately, Ichigo didn't ask the second or third time and assumed she would cover his ass. Which she did, she is his best friend, but not without complaining. As a lady, she had every right to bitch. But she still is his best friend, and they both knew Ichigo wouldn't turn to anyone else for help with something so personal.
Rukia closed her eyes contemplatively again as she lay down to think about Ichigo (the shaking ground and the constant noise was a bit distracting, but Rukia had enough practice pushing the sound out of her head). What is it with her and unavailable men. Either married, gay, or obsessed with her brother. Which, she found very disturbing, but she knew Byakuya was a big boy and could take of Renji. He already did, and she was pretty sure even someone as thick as Renji would know to wait another couple hundred years before fucking around with someone like Byakuya.
It almost seemed she was doomed to stay single. Her good looks would wither her into an ice-freezing witch hag. She would always fall in love and watch as someone else enjoyed the man of her dreams.
Rukia clenched her teeth. Ichigo was happy. He trusted her with this and it was fun, being a gay man's best friend. She should appreciate his friendship and his choice, and not selfishly force herself into between him and his sex kitten.
Although it didn't help that Ichigo's sex kitten had stabbed her in the chest. She would call rape, but seeing how badly Ichigo was ravaged last week, Rukia figured she got off easily.
Besides, another couple hundred years and maybe another hot boy would need some saving. And Rukia would be there to snag her man. She just needed to learn to be patient.
A well satisfied scream interrupted her thoughts. Rukia sighed. But for now, she should probably learn how to soundproof the barrier as well.
Author's note: My first try. Comments would be nice. I just wonder why there's so much hate about Rukia in the Ichigo/Grimmjow pairings.