"Please, Hermione. You have to help us," said Fred, for the hundredth time that day.
"But I don't get why it has to be me. Not to be offensive, but I'm not too sure about becoming your guinea pig," Hermione replied hesitantly.
"I swear that there will be no explosions or any side effect for that matter. We just need to see how long the product lasts effectively. We came up with some new spells to make it more efficient and need to test it out before launching it out. Please, Hermione? And you can just use it every day and report to us when you feel it stops working. And since it can answer any scientific, magical, general or personal query, it will be really helpful for your work at MLE too." Fred was growing desperate now.
After a moment's silence, Hermione nodded her head and gave him a weak smile.
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Hermione Granger was lonely. Not that she would ever admit that she wanted someone in her life, but she did want a guy who loved her. After winning the war, she had completed her schooling and started working at the Ministry. Four years later, Harry and Ginny were married and expecting their first child, and Ron was engaged to Luna. Even Neville had found love in Hannah Abbott. Everybody seemed to have someone.
Except her, that is. And that thought really depressed her.
She knew it shouldn't. She knew that one didn't need a partner to feel complete. But she wanted someone. She hadn't had a shag in almost a year now, the last one being Viktor Krum, which she had known almost immediately was a mistake.
She blamed the absence of a man in her life on two things.
Herself and her checklist.
She thought that the whole war heroine thing accompanied with the smarts and extensive vocabulary tended to drive away normal men.
Her checklist was an entirely different thing. When she was thirteen, she had decided not to waste herself on just anybody. So she had made a list of qualities she wanted her perfect man to have. Obviously, it had started out with three things and extended to more…different things over time. But she still mentally ticked off the qualities she saw in every guy she dated and hadn't found a single one who rated more than three in her list.
And she blamed it for being too expectant. But she hadn't stopped searching for a perfect- or near perfect- match to her list.
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Hermione Granger's Checklist of Qualities a Perfect Man Should Possess
Number one. He should be smart, in both book and street sense, and know the difference between a baboon and a buffoon. (Written at age thirteen after observing her particularly dumb neighbor. Ironically, he was the one she had shared her first kiss with.)
Number two. He should have pretty eyes and hands. (Written at age thirteen after the discovery of a fetish for enchanting eyes and masculine, well-groomed hands.)
Number three. He should be neat, clean and organized, along with having proper etiquette. (Written at age fourteen after seeing Ron eat and Harry's trunk's condition.)
Number four. He should have the ability to make me laugh. (Written at age fourteen after Viktor's sad attempts at making her laugh.)
Number five. He should have at least two interests in common with me. (Written at age fifteen after a particularly disastrous date with Zacharias Smith, whose only interests were his hair, his face and he himself.)
Number six. He should have a well-defined body, not overly muscular and not too lean. (Written at age sixteen after accidentally seeing Harry and Ron after a Quidditch match in only their boxers.)
Number seven. He should be an avid reader and an adventurous traveler, taking trips to exotic and cultural locations. (Written at age sixteen after hearing Ron assume that Sydney was the capital of Australia.)
Number eight. He should treat other creatures well. (Written obviously during her efforts in S.P.E.W.)
Number nine. He should dress well. (Written at age fourteen after seeing the horrifying dress robes Ron had worn to the Yule Ball.)
Number ten. He should be a good kisser and good in bed and should not be afraid to express his feelings. (Written at age nineteen, something every girl simply wanted.)
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She banged her head on the table once again. Gods, she thought, this is so depressing. It was after 10 at night, and she was still at work, trying to figure out a particularly difficult case.
Then suddenly, she remembered the Auto-Answer Quill the Weasley twins had given her two days previously. She ruffled through her drawers and immediately withdrew it.
She decided to test it before using it in her work.
What is Hermione Granger's favorite drink? she wrote.
Raspberry infused tea, appeared the correct answer below the question almost instantly.
Impressive, Hermione thought and then immediately wrote, What was the headline on the previous month's issue of The Quibbler?
Bumlidingers spotted in Croatia: Fact or Fiction? came the instantaneous answer.
Now for the big question, she thought and then wrote, Were the Tomlinsons home on 23 August, 2002 at quarter to 8?
Yes.
Ha! I knew it. That should close the case in no time, she thought.
She grabbed her satchel and made her way to the Floo network.
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"It works really well, George. It helped me on my case also. I must say, I am impressed. It has to be the best product in your line to date," Hermione said to Fred and George, who had Floo-called her as soon as she got home.
"That's great! Keep asking it questions, Hermione. All sorts you can. We gotta go now. Ron's coming over tomorrow, and we're wiring the place up. Bye," they called out and disappeared in an instant.
Hermione's curiosity got the best out of her, and she wrote on a piece of parchment.
When will I get a promotion?
On 17July, 2003.
Who will be the next Minister of Magic?
Kingsley Shacklebolt will be chosen to run the Ministry a second time.
After thirty random questions or so, Hermione asked the question she had been dying to ask.
Who is my soulmate? she wrote, her heart thudding in anticipation.
Draco Lucius Malfoy.
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It has to be a mistake. The quill must have stopped working correctly. Or it must have been a prank quill.
Malfoy and me? That is just not possible. He is a git, and apparently, he is my soulmate. What a joke! I am going to kill Fred and George, Hermione thought, pacing around her flat.
She hadn't had a very good history with him with all his blood prejudice in school and his constant taunts about her nonexistent love life even when he himself didn't have one. He, too, worked in the MLE, and they had worked on many cases together. Kingsley had had them paired together to solve some of the most confusing cases, and even they couldn't disagree that they worked rather well together.
But that didn't mean that Hermione had any feelings for him. She had none at all, in fact.
If Draco Malfoy is my soulmate, and big prat that he is, what does that say about me? she thought, still pacing around anxiously.
Think calmly, Hermione, she reprimanded herself. Worrying isn't going to make this all right.
She took a deep breath and sat on her sofa, head cradled in her hands, trying to figure out a solution.
Then it hit her.
The checklist, of course! She would just have to see how many matches Draco had, and then she would decide what had to be done.
She ran over to her bedside drawer and took out the roll of parchment containing her list.
He should be smart, she read.
Well, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she had to say that he was very smart. If they had graduated from Hogwarts as seventh-year students instead of as the unorthodox eighth-year students, she was unsure of who would take the position of valedictorian. And she was certain that he would have been named Head Boy.
That's a tick, she sighed.
He should have pretty eyes and hands, she read.
He did have pretty eyes. Those grey irises really could hold someone's attention for as long as they wanted to. She had never noticed his hands, but she was pretty sure that they wouldn't be calloused due to his lack of menial work.
Another tick! I don't like where this is going, Hermione thought in panic.
He should be neat, clean and organized and must have proper etiquette.
Of course he was neat and clean! She had often thought that he had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder what with his almost graphical placements of even his quill holder. And he did know the difference between a salad spoon and a dessert spoon.
Gods, it's like I compiled a list of things describing Malfoy! thought Hermione.
He should have the ability to make me laugh.
Well, his constant quirks did make her laugh. Almost every day, in fact, she laughed at his jokes and whiney complaints about the workload and the almost zero perks. In the beginning, it had annoyed her. Now, it just made her laugh.
I wonder if he lik—No, of course he doesn't. I'm…me and he is…he. He couldn't possibly like me. And thank Merlin for that! thought Hermione.
He should have at least two interests in common with me.
There was the whole case-solving thing for one. And second was Transfiguration. And third was classical music. And fourth was Tolkien. And fifth was…
Oh Gods, no! He's already up to five matches. That's bad…or is it? thought Hermione.
He should have a well-defined body.
Of course he did! It was ranked as the sixth most fit bachelor body by Witch Weekly.
That's the highest anybody has ranked on my list! Hermione was amazed.
He should be an avid reader and an adventurous traveler.
He read almost as much as Hermione did. He read Muggle books, wizarding books, fiction, non-fiction, action, suspense, even romance! And he travelled a lot. He seemed to have homes all over the world and was fluent in Spanish, French, German, Arabic, Mandarin and Japanese.
He's almost up to a perfect ten on ten now, Hermione thought.
He should treat other creatures well.
As a child, he hadn't. But more recently, Hermione had seen him actually request his elf to get him some tea. And upon her stunned expression, he had explained that his elves were paid and given vacations twice a year.
This is freaky, Hermione thought, astonished.
He should dress well.
He had an impeccable dress sense, with his old-fashioned Muggle suits and simple but elegant wizarding robes.
Nine on ten! Oh, Gods. Who knew Draco Malfoy would get so high up on my checklist? thought Hermione.
He should be a good kisser and good in bed and must not be afraid to express his feelings.
His girlfriends from school had paraded his kissing and shagging skills quite openly throughout their years at Hogwarts.
Guess I'll just have to find out for myself. Hermione giggled.
Somehow, the list had opened her to the idea of dating Draco.
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Five Years Later
"Darling, keep her away from the window," Hermione called after her three-year-old son, Tom.
Her daughter, Katie, was learning how to ride her first broomstick, a gift from her daddy.
"Katie, darling, hold on to the broomstick a little tighter and slide a bit forward," instructed her father, Draco Malfoy.
"She's become so big already," Hermione said, turning to her husband with tears in her eyes.
"Happy anniversary, love," said Draco, bending forward to kiss her.
"Happy anniversary. I love you," said Hermione.
Everything had turned out for the best. Hermione had stammered and spluttered and finally asked Draco out on the best date of her life. One date led to another, and in two weeks, Hermione got to tick off the tenth point from her checklist.
She had found her perfect man.