Disclaimer: I don't own any of Robert Jordans' characters, or plot no matter how much I love his books, and wish I did. Alas, if I did, I would have written the books, and my writing is a match compared to his bonfire. In fact, I'm not worthy of writing using his characters and his original plot, but I am forced to write this as a small counter to all those horribly stupid people out there that write parodies, and humor off of his work. To all of you that have written such things: You. Need. To. Burn. How dare you disgrace Robert Jordans' work with your weak attempts at writing and mockery, peons!! -glares- But anyhow, without any further ado, here's my own sorry attempt to mock the people that mock the god of all authors. Set in book three on Rand's trip to Tear for Callandor. Welcome to 'Another World'.

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Another world

Chapter one

And so it begins

I turn the other cheek,
I'm dropping, I am wanted.
Into the hand of nameless lands, to which you cannot run.
Oh, but the ocean is your voice, it whispers 'half of me has fled...'
And now you're screaming bloody murder breaking promises and bread...
And now you're screaming bloody murder breaking promises and bread.

–The Ocean Is Your Voice,
Thou Shalt Not.

"Good grief. This is going to take forever Martha! Why can't we just go through the Ways, again?" Bethany, a young girl, no older then 15, sat riding on a brown mare was complaining to her companion. Her brown hair fell just beyond her shoulders and her hazel green eyes stared at her friends back as she slouched forward in her saddle. Her friend, Martha, was riding just ahead of her. Both of the riders were wearing a simple outfit of a tunic, and dark brown breeches. Martha sighed and closed her eyes in annoyance at her friend, blonde hair frizzing out behind her. Bethany continued to complain about the trip, and question her about other ways to travel.
"I mean, you say that wind thing makes people go insane, but aren't we already insane? And besides, we're not meant to ride horses Marfy! We're NERDS! We're supposed to be home, in front of the computer with our noses in books and our hands on the keyboard! Not wandering the woods in some weird place with magic and monster things, and that weird 'one power' thingy!" Bethany said, brushing dirt off her light green tunic. The rider in front of her sighed and answered quite flatly. "Says the person that wanted to visit a place with demons and priestesses and an all-powerful marble."
The brunette turned quite red, and her knuckles turned white around the reigns of her mare as she shouted at the top of her lungs. "IT'S THE SHIKON NO TAMA! AND DON'T FORGET IT!"
"I didn't forget, I just decided to be cynical cuz your complaining was getting on my nerves. And please don't shout like that. With all your bellowing you'll bring a fist of Trollocs on us before we can blink twice."
The two friends rode in silence for a while, The blonde continually looking to her right and left, eyes darting and peering as if trying to see something that didn't exist, and the brunette simply looking confused.

"..."

"..."

"...What's a Trolloc?"

Martha sighed, slapping her forehead. She stopped concentrating on the slight path and the woods on either side of them, and turned to regard her long time friend. Her blueish green eyes glared at the slouching rider behind her and sighed again. "Sit up straight in your saddle. Riding like that hurts the horse, and it'll make you stiff for days. And keep your hand on that dagger I gave you. It may be a crappy one, but it might do something to anything that comes at us." She sighed once more and faced forward. At the sound of her friends grumbling, she began to talk again. "Look, we cant travel the Ways because they're tainted with Saidin, the male half of the One Power, and we never come back alive. Yes we are insane, but not the clawing at the ground trying to bury ourselves not aware of anything going on completely out of it all the time type of insane. And a Trolloc is something I hope we never have to meet." She closed her eyes, and shuddered, before speaking again. "It's a mutation of something. Man and beast. They love nothing more then to kill and destroy. If one of them finds us, we're goners, even with my crappy sets of daggers. They might kill a man with no armor, but they won't be able to find the neck of a Trolloc without the user being as fast as the speed of sound . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that, but your constant complaining really is getting on my nerves." She sighed once more before resuming her constant survey of the area. Bethany sat quietly as their horses plodded on through the woods. After a while, both of the riders grew bored with simply riding through the forest, and started one of the most random conversations, and it all started when one word left the blondes mouth.

"...So."

"...So."

"So."

"Oh, I know! Cheese."

"And muffins."

"And the car."

"And the portrait."

"And the hamster."

"And the two room suite I have upstairs."

"What suite? Were in a forest."

"So?"

"So it's not plausible!"

"Has that ever stopped anything before?"

"...No."

"Exactly."

"That makes no sense."

"That's the point."

"How did we get here anyhow?"

"Teleporting."

"Teleporting?"

"Teleporting."

"Okay, how 'bout this. Where are we?"

"Somewhere just east of Manetherendrelle."

"What's Manetherendrelle? ."

"A river."

"Ah."

Martha continued to calmly observe the woods around her, her head turning from side to side, rarely blinking, as if trying to memorize every leaf on the trees. "So, what sort of animals are in this world?" Bethany asked in an attempt to find out more about this world that her friend loved so much. "Oh, the normal things, ya know, horses, dogs, cats, mice, parrots, fish, wolves, cows." Martha answered, eyes still scanning the woods. "Wolves? Did you say wolves?" Bethany asked, eyes opening wide, staring at the blonde in front of her. "Yes Beppi," She answered, using her nickname for the brunette. "Wolves. And plenty of them. And let's hope there is always plenty around." Bethany looked around confused, but was quickly facing forward again, and questioning her friend.
"Sweet. I love wolves. Okay, where are we going then?" Martha sighed, and began fishing in one of her saddle bags. Pulling out a small, thick book, she opened it to a page that was covered with a colored map. Pointing to a small part in the lower right-hand corner, she answered.
"Tear. This little country in this corner of the map is Tear. That little red dot in the middle of it is the city of Tear, where we're headed. This," she said, moving her finger to a thin line of blue, "is the Manetherendrelle. We are here." She said finally, her finger on a small forest marked on the map a little to the left of the river. She placed the book back in the saddle bag, and returned her attention to the forest. Bethany looked around confused once more, and rode in silence.
As night began to fall, Martha held up her hand and pulled her horse to a stop, her friend pulling her horse to a stop beside her. Slowly sliding off her horse, she handed the reigns to the brunette, and signaling for her to stay behind, began to creep quietly through the woods.
She smelled the wood smoke before seeing the glow of the fire, and then a small clearing. Peering into the small clearing, her eyebrows went up in surprise. Next to the fire was a young man dressed in a long, red coat with golden embroidery. His short, red hair was slightly messy as if he hadn't brushed it in a long time, and his stormy, grey eyes stared straight into the fire. He was un-armed, and had the aura of a lord, despite his hair. He looked up from the fire, and looked straight toward where she was hidden. She was sure she was completely invisible behind the thick bushes, but she held perfectly still anyhow.
"I know you're there. You make enough noise, crashing through the woods like that, to wake a sleeping bear." He said, loud enough for her to hear clearly, but quiet enough not to carry very far. Martha smiled to herself, and stood up, brushing her tunic and breeches off. She looked up from her clothes, and grinned when she noticed him glaring at her. "Hiya! I'm Martha! I'm not imposing on you by stopping here, am I? Of course I'm not!" She grinned once more as she walked the last of the way into the clearing, picking her way around the trees. She smiled and sat down across from him on the opposite side of the fire. He stared at her from the other side of the fire, grey eyes seeming to bore holes in her as he watched her.
"...Do I know you?" He asked, staring at her suspiciously. "No, but I know you." Martha answered, smiling calmly at him. "I know all about you." His eyes went wide and a sword with a heron mark on the hilt -the sign of a blade master- made completely of light appeared in his hand as he leapt to his feet. "You're one of them, aren't you?" He demanded of her harshly, glaring. She stared at him, the hint of a smile still on her lips.
"One of what? A Darkfriend? One of the Forsaken? For all you know I could be Lanfear, or as you knew her, Selene, here to try and seduce you and make you achieve glory and power. I could be an Aes Sedai. One of the Black Ajah, who strive to kill you nearly as much as Ba'alzamon himself. Or maybe I'm of the Red Ajah, and I've come to hunt you down and bring you back to the White Tower so you can be gentled." She said, still smiling, as a wolf howled
I'm such an idiot! I should be making myself out to be an innocent little girl, lost in the woods! Not some Aes Sedai, all knowing and one to be feared! I'm playing with fire, not molding clay! She thought angrily to herself. His eyes went wide as he fumbled for a response, and tried to go and drive the sword he held into her chest at the same time. He opened his mouth to say something, but she continued speaking to cut him off. "But, no. Have no worries Rand al'Thor. I am not sent from the Dark One in some failing attempt to enslave you. I merely sought you out, as you were the only person I knew about in the area." She said, smiling, almost grinning.
I'm a fool. I'm sitting here grinning like a maniac, and he's about ready to put that sword of his in my chest! Blood and ashes!
Rand stared at her, eyes wide and angry, before leaping forward, pining her to the ground, and putting his blade against her throat. She squeaked loudly, and closed her eyes, wincing, hoping that luck and timing were still on her side.
I really am a fool, she thought. I'm doing more then tempting fate, I might as well be dancing with the devil himself!
Just then Rand turned his head to look at the woods just as Bethany came tromping through the thick trees. Bethany took one look at the situation and screamed. Hissing, Martha took the opportunity to try and throw him off, but failed. Screaming, Bethany threw herself at him, tackling him, and throwing him off the blonde. "STAY OFFA HER YA FUCKING RAPIST!!"
She shouted angrily, and bit his arm as hard as she could. Shocked, the sword in his hand disappeared, and he howled in pain. Grabbing Bethany, Martha pulled the lighter girl off, and held her back from attacking the boy in front of them. "Bethany! Calm down! Don't hurt him!" She yelled, fighting the struggling girl in her arms. Bethany began yelling, and trying to throw punches at Rand. "Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll kill him if he so much as touched you! C'mon you carrot-headed son of a bitch! I'll drag you in chains to the ends of the earth and throw you off the edge! I'll castrate you and make you get a sex-change!"
Bracing herself, and fighting the brunette, she heaved herself to the ground, pinning the older girl beneath her. Bethany, however, seemed to ignore this and continued struggling and throwing insults at Rand. Martha sat up partially, still pinning her arms to the ground, but now sitting on her instead of laying. "Bethany..." She said, looking at her, worried. Ignoring the blonde on her, she continued to scream angrily at Rand, who just sat there, rubbing his arm, in shock from Bethany's language. "Bethany... Beppi... Beppi!" Growling, she smacked Bethany over the head, shouting at her. "Get a hold of yourself, child! And stop that screaming! Do you want a bunch of Trollocs to come and eat us alive!?" The brunette stared at the blonde, completely silent. "No? I didn't think so." Martha said, rising to her feet. Also rising, Bethany dusted off her tunic before looking around. "Hey, where'd that dude go?" She managed to ask, before a hand pulled her back, and a glowing sword pressed against her throat. Gasping, Bethany stood up perfectly straight before trying to elbow her assailant in the chest. Grunting, Rand pressed the sword against her neck a bit harder and pressed her arms to her sides with his other arm. "Now then." He hissed. "You will tell me how you know all that you do. And who you really are." Turning slightly pale, the blonde answered quickly. "It's a long story, but basically we come from a world where your story, yours, not the prophecies of the Dragon, your story, is printed in books that anyone anywhere can read. It's supposed to be fiction and no one in their right mind would think it real. All I did was read the books and decided to come to this world with my friend. Nothing more. Sorry if none of that made any sense. It's a bit difficult to explain." He stared at her for a while, before lowering his sword. "People coming from other worlds beyond those known by even the Amrylin Seat herself, most likely. One with the cool of an Aes Sedai, and one with a temper and a way with words that would probably make even the hardest thugs think twice. What else could happen?" He said, as the sword flickered, and then disappeared. "Um, Marfy?" The brunette said, moving closer to the blonde. "Yeah Bethany?" She asked, looking at the girl standing next to her. "Um, er, well..." Leaning her head close to the blondes, she whispered in her ear. "They what!?" She said loudly. "Oh joy, we get to walk to rest of the way." She muttered to herself. Turning to Rand, she smiled. "I know what else could happen." She said, staring calmly. "Oh? What?" He said dryly, turning to face the pair. "Our horses could have bolted when they heard a wolf howl, and we could be stuck with you." She said, smile slowly turning into a grin. "In fact, according to Beppi here, they did bolt, so, I guess we are stuck with you." Bethany began to snicker as he stared at them, eyes wide. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no..." He said, backing away from them. Bethany fell over, guffawing loudly. "Aw, you wouldn't leave two helpless little girls out in the woods all alone would you?" Martha asked, grinning. "What would Egwene say to that? Or Nynaeve?" Still backing away, he bumped into a rather large tree, stopping still, eyes even larger then before. "You know-? Ahhh! Fine! If you know what you say you do, and you really are from another world, maybe you can help me in some way. Fine. Come with me if you truly wish." He said, throwing up his arms. He looked at the brunette, still rolling on the ground, laughing loudly. "Is she always like this?" Rand asked, raising an eyebrow. "Most of the time. She's one of the oddest people you'll ever meet." Martha answered with a grin. Sighing Rand turned away from the two as Martha bent down to calm her friend down. Walking to the edge o the clearing, he stared at the sky. "This is going to one strange trip..." He muttered to himself, as a wolf howled in the distance.

The tide sweeps you away, but no further can you be,
One nights sleep through winter time is nothing more to me,
Oh, but the ocean is your voice, it's howling, 'half my life is dead',
Screaming bloody murder, breaking promises and bread,
And I am screaming bloody murder, breaking promises and bread.

– The Ocean Is Your Voice,
Thou Shalt Not