Inspiration
Disclaimer:
Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahachi. I have been known to write little white lies about these
things but not this time. Please enjoy
and as always please review! ^-^
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"What lies behind us and what lies before us
are small matters compared to what lies within us."
-Emerson
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Life is fleeting
this is a well-known fact.
When everything is threatening to fall apart,
all I care for are leaving me;
to where then will I turn?
Then I will not live,
to be with you is to be with my heart.
Without is to die alone,
do you not see?
You are my reason of
being here…
You are my inspiration of life...
A cool wind blew across the fields, carrying with it the faint scent of rain from the night before. All creatures around were damp and limp, drinking in the precious fluids, a gift that was already being torn from their grasp yet again.
The wind was slowing however.
The journey from the lakes in the valleys to the highest mountaintops
and back again was slowly taking its toll.
Exhausted the breeze finally collapsed at the feet of another.
Miroku stood on the Cliffside, looking out to the east for the rising sun. The moving air was quietly playing with the
bottom of his robe but he did not mind. In
fact, he gave no movement to acknowledge his surroundings. Once more the Houshi was doing what certainly
must be considered a crime to most in the early hours of morning... contemplating
his thoughts.
He did this activity quite often, contrary to the popular belief of his
traveling companions. He never figured
he would ever belong with the cultured folk and their philosophies. Truth being he did not want to. However, every once in awhile a stray thought
would just creep up, a question would appear, and he would have to think it
over as though knowledge was a necessity he could not live without. Heck, everyone had this problem. He would even bet Inuyasha was standing
exactly where he was from time to time.
Others, however, cannot explain some things.
The self and no one else must think these things through. It can be kind of a lonely existence at
times.
Today's topic was the age-old question that, quite to his knowledge, has never been explained.
'What precisely is hope?'
Many people would go straight into depression from here if they found
themselves asking that question. Mourning
just how terrible their lives were, but Miroku found no such regret in his
soul, none.
Life seemed to come cheap for him but he never saw it that way. He knew the true meaning of living day to day
when people went through out their lives searching for just that simple wisdom. When they finally lay on their deathbeds,
they may ask themselves just what they accomplished here. He will never have to. He had already done so much and when they
beat Naraku...
There was courage to be found from this certainly but not hope.
He sat down gently, pondering this for a minute. Well what he thought was a minute. Time seems to have a mind of its own
sometimes; it is as though it senses just what needs be done and how best to do
it. The sun was considerably higher when
he came out of his contemplative meditation.
Meditation, another one of those exercises he thought was useless but his
teacher had insisted upon him learning anyway.
It worked sometimes but not today.
He had received no answer.
Letting himself drift off from reality turned out to be the wrong option as
well. Unwanted memories flooded back
into his head and none bearing with it even a semblance of what he was looking
for. Sighing he tried to push those away
and focus.
It was hard. Sure he had not been doing
this for almost two weeks now, or was it months, but did those birds have to
chirp so loud? He was not certain, but
he could almost see the growing frustration inside himself. What was wrong with him? Surely, such a simple question could not be
that hard to figure out and certainly should not cause such aggravation within
him. Besides the others would notice his
absence soon and come looking for him.
As if on cue, he heard the rustle of leaves and soft padding of feet as some
one came up behind him. He stifled a groan. There are some days when you just cannot deal
with comrades. He knew he was being
selfish but frankly today, he did not care.
Turning he plastered on a false smile for his visitor that he was positive was
convincing enough. He saw it was Sango. Surprising yet unsurprising at the same time. It was as if he was in a painting, too
beautiful to be real. The sun reflected
softly on her raven hair that cascaded down and around her figure to the light
pink kimono that she wore. He noted a
few changes, such as her hair being let down and swirling about her like a
flag, and some old traditions, such as her hesitance in coming any closer.
Did he really have to be alone? She was
so... His yearning decided him.
"Good morning, Sango-san. I am so sorry;
I hope I did not wake you this morning."
She looked as though she was about to say something so he hurried
on. "I assure you I am just fine and
quite content, thank you very much for your concern. You may return to the campsite if you like." No matter how fast he said all this, he still managed
to keep his voice even, void of any emotion and with only the slightest hint
that the polite request was a subtlety a bit more.
He returned to his thoughts but a few moments later, he was once again
distracted as he realized something incredible; Sango was still there.
He was a bit bewildered by this thought, although the
Gods alone know why really. Never before
had she really, well, defied him was his guess.
It was not that she was afraid of him by any means,
she just never seemed to want to intrude on his personal space is all. Even though he did it to her all he time. Still then, there was a certain line of
respect and through the cuts and bruises neither had dared to cross that
threshold.
They understood each other quite well, having reached that stage earlier in
their makeshift friendship. Before now,
though she had barely said two words to him…
Slightly perplexed by this time, he looked up at her pointedly
only to be ignored, once again, as Sango took great
care to smooth her skirt and quietly sit down next to him.
Sighing he tried again with a little more sincerity, "What is wrong, Sango?" He asked as smoothly as he knew how.
Silence reigned.
"Come now, you know you can tell me anything."
He shuddered, that was far too much syrup, even for him. Sango would never buy into _that_ one.
He tried valiantly to keep himself from flinching as she gave him an odd look
and then voiced the dreaded question. He
was not exactly sure just what he was hesitant about but he knew he would have
to feign innocence or else suffer the consequences of being
discovered. That was a price he could
not pay for his secrecy was far too valued.
"Houshi-sama did you hear me? I asked
why you've been acting so, well, different lately."
" I have been acting different Sango? How so?"
"Well for starters... you have not groped me for nearly a week and
a half."
No matter how many times she had practiced that line before saying it to him she still blushed.
Some things just do not change and with Sango
that was a comfort.
"Do you miss it then? Because you know I
am always willing to help a friend out..."
He started reaching for her rear but the glare she directed towards him made
him pause halfway then cower back to his original
position. He was enjoying life little
bit too much to waste it all for a feel.
Heck he would rather face down Naraku or be sucked
into the Kazaana, then face the tortures that glare forewarned. Well it could not be much worse anyways.
Silently he hardened his resolve, ready for anything she threw at him.
She lowered her eyes and whispered softly, "I am just worried about you is all."
It broke. Anything but that Sango please! Did she not see the hold she had over
him?
Her eyes rose and he nearly squirmed under the scrutiny until he replied
quietly, "I suppose it is just all the changes in weather lately. Makes me uptight, that is all."
Stupid, stupid, where did that come from idiot? He berated himself as low as possible
avoiding her eyes, and then he heard something.
What... did she just giggle!
In exasperation he finally blurted out, "I am just worried all right!
Dammit woman, why did you have to risk yourself like that?" He bit his tongue to stop the torrent of
words from leaving his mouth. He failed
miserably.
Where is a brick wall when you need it? Here
he was divulging all his secrets to the woman he loved when all he had wanted
to do was think for a while. He swore
that was it... wait love? No, no, no…to much
information, far to much. Maybe he was
sick after all.
She just stared at him wide-eyed before another sound emitted from her, this
one sounding somewhat familiar like the first... laughter. She, Sango the demon exterminator, was
laughing at him.
Oh boy, time to leave before he did anything more he would regret. He got
up quickly so his traitor tongue would not make any more slips.
He never even made it two steps away.
Looking down he wondered what had stopped him.
Could it be Sango's hand wrapped tightly around
his wrist? Was that his heart beating 3
times faster? He was definitely not
himself today…
Sango voiced his last thought herself, "You are acting odd."
Regaining some of his composure, he calmly replied, "As are you."
He looked from her hand to her eyes and then back to her hand again, silently
conveying his message.
Sango's cheeks heated but she did not back down, instead tugging on his arm
none to gently to get him to sit again beside her. He complied but rest assured it was against
his will.
She had no idea where this behavior of her own was coming from. She was NEVER this forward. Nevertheless, by the Gods, she had finally
caught him off guard and she would not look a gift horse in the mouth, so to
speak. She would take the opportunity to
get him to explain his problems and worries right now before he had a chance to
recover the mask he wore around others or his less desirable habits kicked in. If either started she was not sure what she
would do.
Looking him in the eye she started the questioning, slowly so as not to alarm
him. "What do you mean exactly by 'you were worried
about me?'?" Alarmed, she saw the mask
beginning to slip into place, she placed her palm on his face to keep him
sincere. He blinked and tried to recover
but he mask was only to be forced back again by his sudden unwilling answer.
I guess the anger of
everything that has happened so far must really be ebbing away at his spirit. The thought was sad but she kept the intense
stare up so that he could not look away if he had wanted too.
He did not look away though. Instead, for
once dropping his secretive air, he began. "I was worried Sango, but not for reasons that
can be explained. I suppose…" He sighed and tried to rearrange his thoughts
before going on. "Are you sure you want
to hear this?"
At her decisive nod, he plowed on. "I was thinking about hope today, everybody should have something to hope for so that left me wondering what it really was, what I hoped for."
He shook his head sadly, "I want Naraku dead, but I do not hope for it. I want this Wind Tunnel to be gone forever, but… I do not hope for it."
This seemed to startle her so he tried to explain further. "It's my weapon, Sango. If I do not have it, then there will be no reason left for me to fight. If I am not fighting, what will be left of my life? Is that all there is to it anyway? What do I hope for?"
He shut his mouth bitterly, and then went on a little more quietly. "I am sorry; I know I should not talk of the future like that. I know I have no right to feel sorry for myself when everyone else is…" The hand that had been placed on his cheek moved to cover his mouth.
"Do not apologize Houshi-sama, there is nothing to apologize for. We all have our own scars and fears of what the future holds. Hope can give you life; false hopes bring you to your knees."
A look of confusion passed over the monk's face.
"I hope to see my brother again, but it is a false hope to assume things will ever be the same between us again." She explained quietly, Miroku felt his heart tighten in his chest at the truth; he knew it was hard for her to admit.
He did know a little of what he hoped for but how to explain it?
"I hope to be with the one I love, but it is a false hope that I will be able to live out my years with her. There is no guarantee my curse will be lifted with that demon's death. That is why I do not believe in hope, it is far too painful."
He looked down now, far too saddened and ashamed to look into her eyes.
"You cannot give up so easily Miroku." The use of his name snapped him out of his self-pity.
When he looked up, it was her turn to look away.
"I also cannot love unconditionally, with my brother still in the hands of that monster… but you can never give up hope, to do that means he won and the curse has already succeeded." Her voice was thick with emotion and his own wavered when he spoke.
"But how…?
"Find some inspiration! Find something to live for!"
Inspiration?
"You mentioned one you loved Houshi-sama, surely for her?" Her voice was laden with sadness as she voiced this thought.
He could not help it; he smiled just a touch as he took both of her hands in his.
"As long as my inspiration promises to wait, promises to be there, then yes I can live on and yes I will have hope."
She gazed deeply into his eyes and was startled at the warmth and devotion she found there.
"Houshi-sama, Miroku, I cannot…" Her protests were weak against her heart though.
He looked at her with beseeching eyes "Please my inspiration?"
Tears ran down her face as they kissed a kiss full of promise and hope.
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Author's Note:
That is much better! I really did not like how I ended it the first time; it was too abrupt and left too many questions unanswered. This has more conversing in it and true meaning. I hope everyone will reread this story and see the truths behind it. Hope you enjoyed!
(Final Draft)