Instrumental Overture begins as the title credits roll on the screen…
House! The Musical, or "Once more with Tapeworms!"
(First Number: "Going to the Clinic")
We cut to Greg House walking around in the Clinic, obviously bored out of his mind, and wishing desperately for a one-handed monkey with a bottle of Motrin to take his place. His cane is gone, obviously the Ketamine worked.
House:
Every single day
The same arrangement
Gotta earn my pay, her way
Still, I always feel the strange estrangement
mouth the same old spiel, this just isn't right!
~%$%~
I've been hiding in a room, playing my yo-yo
Just hoping no one knows
That I've been going to the clinic
Not even playing my part
I just hope she doesn't check my charts!
~%$%~
Clinic's always stupid, and kind of pointless
Now it's just way too bor-ing
Even near the grave
Your moronic case, doesn't mean a thing
~%$%~
Nurse:
Missing cane thing.
~%$%~
House:
Thanks for noticing.
~%$%~
Dancing Nurses:
He just marks time, waiting for the bell
But lately, we can tell
That he's just going to the Clinic (Going to the Clinic)
Facing it somehow
~%$%~
Patient as House injects him in a sensitive spot of the anatomy:
He's not even half the doc he...ow.
~%$%~
House:
Will I have this duty forever?
This is hardly my life's endeavor?
~%$%~
Patient:
How can my co-pay…
~%$%~
House:
Whatever.
I don't want to be-e-e-e-e
going to the Clinic
losing all my drive
I just need a case
to really interest me
and my mind n-e-e-e-e-d-s
to Revive!
As House finishes singing his number, his arms still upraised, the nurses and patients in the clinic burst into applause. There is a terrified expression on his face as he realizes what just happened. He desperately starts walking toward his office.