Title: Convince me.
Description: After a late-night visit from Clary's brother, Jace must work to convince the women he loves that life is worth living and to him, she means more than life itself. Throughout the longest night of his life, Jace's action determine whether she goes or stays. One-shot.
Before Jace even had the chance to get up and answer to door, it swung open revealing a very dishevelled looking Jonathon Morgenstern. His face was blotchy making it obvious he'd been crying and the panicked look on his face created an odd feeling of worry in the pit of Jace's stomach.
"Have you seen Clary?" Jon questioned. He'd known Jonathon for over 10 years along with his sister, Clary. They were some of the closest people in Jace's life not to mention his deep feelings for the girl in question.
"No, I've not heard from her all night. Please tell me she's ok!" He almost begged. Wishing by the angel that nothing had happened to her. However, his wishes were not answered.
"I got home about an hour ago and I walked through the front door expecting to see her sat in the lounge like she normally is but it was completely dark then I shouted her and got no reply. That's when I knew that something wasn't right. I went up the stairs to find her. She's wasn't in her bedroom but the light in the adjoining bathroom was on and that's when I saw her," he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat and running a shaking hand through his bleach blond hair.
"She was sat on the bathroom floor alone. She had tears running down her face and her breathing was heavy. I knew that she was upset and so I asked her what was wrong. She said and I quote 'I want it to end, I just want it all to be over. I don't want to do it anymore' and that's when I noticed the razor blade that she was holding in her hands and that's when I realised what she meant," Jace's breath caught as the story continued and Jon's face became wet again with the newly cried tears.
"I walked towards her. I didn't know what to do. My own sister and she looked at me like I was a stranger! And she looked just as much as a stranger to me. I knelt in front of her and reached out in the hopes that I could take away the blade but she stood and started to back away to the bathroom doorway. I froze. I didn't want her to leave. Who knows what she'd do when she was alone again. So, I tried to talk to her. I told her how much I loved her and how much I needed her in my life. I listed all the people that would be sad if she died: me, Jocelyn, Luke, Izzy, Alec, Simon, Magnus, a...and you. She told me that eventually we'd forget about her. That her life wasn't that significant to cause us that much pain. I begged her. I actually b... begged her to stay with me and tell me what she's f…feeling." He let out a heart-breaking sob as he recalled the story to Jace who could feel his heartbeat picking up as a rogue tear ran down his cheek. This was the girl he'd known since he was 6. The one that he remembers playing in the park with, beating up the ones who ever said a bad thing about her. She was his first kiss, he was hers. She was his first time, he was hers. She was his first love, he just didn't know if he was hers.
"So she told me. She broke. She said 'you don't understand. You don't know what it's like to feel alone in a crowd of people. To feel like you were put here by mistake. I always feel like I'm left in the dark. You don't know what it's like to have people talk behind your back but you hear it. Just don't know how it feels to drag a blade across your wrist to relieve the mental pain on the inside just to feel the physical pain on the outside for a few seconds. Just to feel something real. Just to feel. You don't know what it's like to keep this all to yourself and let it build up until you just can't take it anymore. I honestly hate myself and I don't understand why your trying to get me to stay because you should hate me too, just like everyone else,' she held out her wrists and showed me the horizontal lines contorting her blemish free skin and then she left and I was too upset to process that she'd left before she had a head start. She took the blade Jace. She took the blade and drove off and now I don't know where she is. Whether she's dead or alive. All I know is that she's upset and alone and hurt and I need her. I need her in my life because she's the most important thing to me and I don't know who I'd be without her," Once he'd finished his story. The silence spread through the room, almost deafening. With a sigh, Jace wiped his face and stood. Jon following.
"Right, Jon you drive to the park, the library and the school and then go back home to wait if she's not there. I'll go to her other favourite spots. Call the others get them out looking too. We'll find her Jon. I can't lose her and I'm not gonna let it happen now." As Jace finished explaining the plan he was met with a crying Jonathan barely able to keep up his own weight as he feared what may be going on with his sister. It wasn't until Jace realised what would happen if she went through with this that he started to cry again. He'd never see her again. He'd never get to tell her how he really felt. He'd never get to hold her hand and walk down the beach. He'd never get to lay with her in his arms. And kiss her until they were out of breath. It was then, that he too fell to the ground and broke down.
As their whimpers began to quieten, they stood and made there way out of the door. Jace could hear Jonathan talking to the others explaining what was happening. He could also hear the unmistakable break in his voice as he retold the story again and again. And he didn't miss the sounds of her friends' cries on the other end of the phone. As they reached the busy streets, the two parted ways into separate cars and made there way in different directions.
First, Jace checked the cake shop that they all went to every Saturday, it was what Clary called 'a tradition'. He then moved on to the bench outside Brocelind forest where they shared their first kiss, she wanted to get it out of the way whereas he just wanted to take any opportunity to finally kiss her. As he sat on that very bench, his phone screen lit up. It was a text from Jon and reading it made Jace's heart drop:
I've been to the park, the library and the school. She wasn't there. The others have been driving around for the past hour and we've been to all her favourite spots. I don't know what else to do but we're all heading back home now to wait. Please bring back my baby sister Jace. I need her to be ok- J
So Jace made his way to the last spot that he knows Clary loves. He took the long drive to the coast and pulled up at the beach that holds so many memories and that's when he saw it. Clary's red mini parked in the carpark. His chest lightened slightly then sunk again with dread realising that if she had used that blade, he'd be the one to find her. He sent a quick text to Jon:
I'm at the beach and her cars here. Don't know where she is yet but that doesn't mean that she's not ok. I going to go and find her and bring her home- J
And it wasn't long until he got a reply saying that Jon and everyone else were on their way down. And with that, he began to walk along the beach. In the distance, he saw a small figure with her knees brought up to her chest, her head resting on the top, staring out to the ocean. It was dark out now being nearly 1am but he could still see the shine of her red hair as it reached her waist. As he neared her, she didn't even turn her head but it was clear that she knew he was there. He sat next to her, removed his shoes and socks like she had and crossed his legs in front of him. Chancing a glance in her direction, he noticed the blade held securely in her hand as if it were a lifeline. They just sat in silence for a few minutes until he couldn't take it anymore and spoke.
"Hey Clare," he chocked trying to keep his voice even.
"It's peaceful here," she whispered still not turning to look at him yet he continued to watch her intently as she spoke. "If I do it, then I'd always dreamed that it would be here. Where we spend our summers drinking, playing games and making bonfires. It's where I'm happy and it's where I feel most loved. It's peaceful yet it's the one place I don't feel alone," it was then that she turned to look at him and he saw the trail of tears on her face. But they weren't fresh like his were, they had begun to dry. She really was at peace here.
"Please don't do it Clare. There is so much that you have to live for. So much left of a life that you are yet to live and so many opportunities that you need to take. Don't give up now"
"I've not given up Jace. Those who break down are not weak, they've just been strong for too long…"
"And I know you're not weak Clary. God you're far from it. You're the strongest person I know. You're smart, funny, kind and angel do I know that life wouldn't be the same without you. Please don't do it!"
"Convince me" she whispered and that's when Jace knew that he had to tell her. She'd given him a chance to save her and he knew that this was the right time. So, he laid down on his back and pulled her down with him. She rested her head on his chest tucked under his chin, one arm over his stomach and his arm went around her waist drawing circles on the bare skin, the other resting behind his head. They lay there silently for a few minutes just enjoying each other's company and their proximity before he spoke, choosing his words carefully.
"You mean the world to me. Ever since I realised that I had fallen in love with you, you've been on my mind every minute of every day. You honestly bring a smile to my face every day with your sarcasm and flirty attitude. With your gorgeous green eyes and bright hair and your curvy body. God your perfect. Your absolutely gorgeous and I love you. I'll love you until I die and if there's a life after that I'll love you then too."
"But Jace you'll move on, you'll forget about me. You've got other people. You'll fall in love with someone else!"
"Baby, you've changed my life so much and you don't even see it. Just you breathing every day is enough for me. I've wanted you for so long and not telling you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But seeing you laugh. Hearing your perfect laugh was what kept me back. Because every time I heard it, I knew that I couldn't risk losing you and never hearing that laugh again. To know that it would never be me who caused it again. So, I kept quiet knowing that seeing you happy was enough for me. It means more than my happiness ever will. But now, now I need you to know how much I love you. How much I care for you. How many times I've dreamed of lying with you against my chest, cuddling with me like this. To know what it felt like to kiss you. To know how it is to feel you love me too because baby you love so strongly you fail to see the love that's returned to you. I know that I might not be enough for you. I know that my opinion may not matter to you and that may be the reason that I'm the one you asked to try and change your mind. But you mean more to me than life itself so if you're going to do this. If you're going to end your own pain, then know you're not doing it alone cause if you do it, the pain I feel from your loss will be too great for me to carry on without you and I'll be back here in less than a week in this same position but it will be someone trying to convince me to change my mind. The only difference will be that the only person who can stop me will be you but you won't be there to stop me. But please, I'm literally begging you not to do it."
The silence spread between them for what felt like hours to Jace but could only have been a few minutes. Until finally she spoke.
"Ok,"
"What?"
"Ok, I won't to it."
The smile that spread across his face was enough to assure her that she had in fact made the right decision.
"Really?" He breathed, clearly overwhelmed by the fact that he had really managed to save her.
"Jace, your more than enough for me. Knowing that the person I love more than anything in this world loves me back. Knowing that I can have that kind of impact on you daily makes this life worth living in so many ways. Knowing that I have a future and you're in it and seeing that smile on your face right now is enough reassurance that I've made the right decision." He sat up pulling her into his lap to face him. He honestly couldn't believe it. She was staying and she loved him too. Out of everyone, he was the one who changed her mind. He was the one she was staying for. He was the one that she loved most and that thought made him happier than he ever thought he could be. He looked into her eyes and saw something that he realised he hadn't seen in her for a long time. Hope. Happiness. Love. Raising his hand, he cupped her cheek and rested his forehead against hers.
"I love you," he sighed. Feeling completely content in the moment.
"I love you too" and with that, he closed the gap between them and kissed her with all the built-up passion that he had. As his lips moved against hers he portrayed how much he loved her. How much he needed her and in turn she showed how much he meant to her and how much she loved him too. As they broke away for air, Jace's smile returned to his face, matching the one that had drawn itself on Clary's. She was happier then she'd been in a long time and it was all because of Jace. He'd missed that smile more than he'd realised and never wanted to go another day without it. With their fingers entwined, they made their way down the beach, talking like old times, kissing and feeling the sand between their toes. They stopped by the closest bin as Clary dropped the blade that she'd relied on for so long. Now she had Jace to be her support, to make her feel better than anything else ever could. And they continued to walk through the sand, but something was different this time. The beach seemed brighter in some ways. Like a huge weight had been lifted off both of their shoulders. And they were in love. Happy and content in each other's company.
Later, as the others arrived feeling frantic as they'd not heard anything since they told Jace that they were on their way. That had been two hours ago and they had no idea what they would turn up to see. Would Clary be alive? Would she be dead or would they come in time to stop her? As they parked their car and rushed to the beach in silence, no one had talked the whole journey down to the beach, they all stopped to take in the scene before them.
The two were sat together on the beach looking out at the waves, whispering to each other. Jace sat with his legs stretched out in front of him with Clary sat in the middle of them, her back resting against Jace's chest. One of his hands supported their weight behind him while the other held one of Clary's, drawing circles on the marks along her wrist.
"God your gorgeous," he whispered to her as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. It was clear that neither of them noticed the presence of the others around them. All stood with fresh tears running down their faces as the relief and joy washed over them. She was alive and so was ok. "I love you so much baby." He finished as he watched the smile spread over her face.
"I love you too baby." He grinned and they continued to whisper to each other. As they sat, just enjoying being with each other, Jace realised that he did get to tell her how he felt. He did get to walk with her down the beach. He did get to lay with her in his arms and kiss her until they were out of breath and he'd never have to let her go again because this was forever and he wasn't gonna let go of that.
Eventually, the waiting became too much for Jon and the relief he couldn't truly feel until he got to wrap his arms around his baby sister. He was the first to snap out of the trance and ran towards her with all he had. The others now hot on his trail. But none could bring themselves to disturb the couple as it was the first time, in a long time that they'd seen the two so content and happy. Jon sat next to Clary and took the hand that wasn't in Jace's and she reassuringly squeezed it, letting him know that she was ok. The others followed suit. All silently taking a seat in line with the couple and Jon. No one said anything, just sat and listened to the sound of the waves hitting the shore and the sweet sound of Jace's whispers to Clary.
"Promise me you'll never leave me baby," he whispered emphasising his words with a kiss.
"I swear by the angel Jace, I'm not going anywhere." Upon hearing this, whether they were meant to or not, everyone released the breathes they were holding. Relieved that their best friend was staying and that two of the most important people in their lives were finally happy and together. Nothing could ruin the mood as the evening was filled with nothing but the love that the two shared for each other and the smiles upon everyone's faces.
