Smiting my Brother

Smiting my Brother

(Or Star Wars)

Rating: T

Disclaim: I do not own the movies, the books or anything, leave me alone!!

Warning: I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and for anyone that is a fan of Star Wars, please don't flame me, just because I have my own right to opinion and ideas don't fire me to Jupiter or any other planet that isn't liveable, expect many spelling mistakes and things that make no sense!

Summary: I wouldn't normally write a Star Wars Fic, but if it's to smite my brother then smite him I shall!!

Hello, I am Youkai Of Hearts

Normally I wouldn't write a fan fic including Star Wars because I would usually write Anime (BL) type stories.

However one day when my big brother decided to tell me something that I did not understand, that began to annoy me to no end. I realised I wasn't going to smite him with the usual violence that I would do.

So there had to be another alternative…

I shall smite him with a Star Wars Fic, and smite him I shall!!

For any of you that do love Star Wars, please understand I'm not usually bad tempered and would do something like this. It's just my older brother annoys me with such stuff and plays loud music that I would resort to such measures of self destruction…

And I just realised I'm crap with POV's…

Have you realised that?

Dark Vadar pointed his light saber towards the young Skyhooper…I mean Skywalker and was about to land the fatal blow on the Jedi Knight.

Until he said one thing that would haunt the Jedi forever…

"Luke…I am your father…would you like to start a Tap dancing competition with me?"

Luke looked at the Dark lord, horrified as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Nooooooooooo!!"

"What? You hate Tap dancing that much?"

Yoda looked at Count Donald

(Dark Malleus: It's Dooku not Donald you moron!! YOH: Really?)

Right then, I'll start it again…

Yoda looked at Count Dooku, and sighed deeply, his cloak thingy being blown at all angles of the wind that entered the tunnel. Dooku watched the little green dwarf carefully, sizing him up.

"Fallen to the dark side of tap dancing, you have" Dooku narrowed his eyes mockingly at him as he gave a horrid laugh.

"I have learned well by my new master, I have learned the secrets of Clogging!"

(Dark Malleus: Wait? Clogging? YOH: Have you never read Wikipedia, Clogging is when there's no music and you can only hear the sounds of their shoes Dark Malleus: You've destroyed Star Wars)

One day Luke Warmwater…

Is that right?

(Dark Malleus: Skywalker! Not Skyhooper or Warmwater but Skywalker!! YOH: Okay, okay)

One day Luke Skywalker wondered into Alcoholics Anonymous with something to get off his chest, a dark compelling secret that would shock everyone in the room, including the one in charge of the meeting, Yoda. As his hand inched over to the cans of beer he had hid in his robe since the meeting began he brought his attention to the people sitting around him.

"When I was little " Luck…I mean Luke hiccupped in tears

"I always thought my father would be a farmer, a mechanic or a mental patient that escaped the nuthouse after threatening everyone with a spoon, but then I realised the horrifying truth of my father's origins…" he shivered, afraid to continue the story of total humiliation.

"I realised he was indeed, a tap dancer that won the regional Galaxy championships after everyone mysteriously fell to the ground with their heads chopped off" Everyone gasped.

"Mm…terrible he was…gurgle" Yoda burped, a beer can mysteriously landing on the floor.

"How awful, so how did this get you into a nervous drunken wreck?" Luke trembled.

"You see…"

"I won that tap dancing competition fair and square!!" came a loud crispy voice, Luke's face went completely pale. "It had nothing to do with me that they all fell with their heads chopped off!!"

"But Dark Vader!" an innocent bystander yelled from next door "Why do you have your Light saber switched on and hidden behind your back?!"

On a cool winters day, Qui-gon and his young Padawon, Obi-wan, walked in to the cold freezing depths of nothingness. Obi-wan growled angrily as he looked at his master.

"Master you lied to me" he snapped "You promised me we were going to Disney World"

Qui-gon stopped in his tracks, turning his head over to the young blond. A smirk making his way on to his lips

"Technically I was right, this planet is called Disney, Walt Disney to be precise" The horrible icy winds blew past them, making the Padawan shiver

"I hate you" he growled

"Don't hate me, if you do then you'll fall to the dark side" Qui-gon warned

"I hope so" Obi-won whispered

Dark Vader sat in his throne room, looking down on a little ball of white fur. His servants looked on in horror at what had taken place in front of them.

"I'm scared" one of them whispered, the others nodded in unison.

"Your such a sweet thing" Vader said, petting the little ball of fluff caringly, after that a little 'Meow' sound could be heard as the ball of fluff showed a head with two pointy ears and bright green eyes.

'Meow'

"I don't know whether to classify this as cute or creepy"

"Master Yoda" Qui-gon fixed his robe, looking at the little green midget with wary tired eyes as if a fog horn had been blown into his ears.

"When you said you wanted me to get you ice cream, you didn't have to yell into my ears with a microphone!"

Yoda stared at the Jedi Knight, cleaning his microphone possessively

"Qui-gon, get me Ice cream now. You shall" Qui-gon took a couple of steps back, edging himself towards the door, fearing for his life at the moment with the sugar craving green man.

(YOH: What is Yoda? A little green man? A dwarf? Dark Malleus: I don't know? Check Wookiepedia YOH: They don't know either)

"I will Master Yoda, but please stop cleaning that Microphone. It's scaring the young Padawans" It was indeed scaring the young children that were training in the ways of the Jedi. They were even hiding behind a velvet curtain with widened eyes.

"I've lost my innocence forever" a little girl muttered

"Someone gouge my eyes!" a young boy screamed.

"Afraid you must not be" Yoda spoke, slowly rising his microphone to his lips. "Candy, I'll soon have"

Creak, slam

And silenced the poor pupils doom, I have (Giggles)

"Master, what is wrong?" asked Anakin as he saw his master waking up from a horrified dream. Obi-wan huddled in a corner rethinking his younger days as a Padawan himself.

"Oh nothing, I just remembered the day when my Master took me to a planet that was freezing cold. He promised me that we were going to Disney World, but apparently there was a world called Walt Disney" Obi-wan shivered at the mere thought of being on that world again.

They travelled on the planet for three years and Obi-wan hated every minute of it.

"My hatred lives on!"

"But Master I thought a Jedi Knight is not meant to have hatred, for it will lead them to the Dark side of the force" Obi-wan turned his head over to his young naïve Padawan; he could almost laugh at him.

"When you've been with someone like my old Master for as long as I have then you'll understand that Hatred can be a good weapon…"

"But Master Yoda"

"Would tell you to shut up and say the same thing!!"

I always wanted to be a pilot to one of their space ships, but my brother always told me that I wouldn't last too long in the air without crashing it. Today I plan on proving him right!

So today I will be flying the X-Wing

My brother looked at me, a bit speechless

"But sis, you can't crash an X-Wing, it flies in space, the only way you can remotely crash an X-Wing is if you crash it into another ship…" That's a good idea actually and it wasn't long till I found a smirk on my lips.

"Right then! Lets do that!!" Yes let's crash an X-Wing into another ship; it's just like Top Gear, except without the cars and Jeremy Clarkson, you have me, a complete nutcase flying an X-Wing.

"Wait Sis, Sis don't do that!! An X-Wing costs about a million credits!!"

"What about me!!"

"To hell with you!!" Well in that case…

"Does anyone know where I can find a McDonalds?"

"Master look what I have found?" Anakin seemed to be really cheerful in what he had found on one of their little excursions to an unfamiliar planet.

"What is it my young Padawan?" Anakin showed a small kitten in his arms. A look of love and consideration for the tiny creature as it meowed.

"I found a cute little creature here, can I keep it?" Obi-wan looked at the little cat for a few seconds. It was only when it meowed did he reach and draw his light saber.

"What madness is this! Anakin it is a creature from the Dark side!!"

"No master! It's not! How can you be sure?" Anakin looked at the cat, it purred and snuggled its head against the boy's cheek. "See it's harmless, completely harmless!" Obi-wan looked at the cat, still wary. Poking it with a finger, the cat didn't like being poked and chomped its little cute fangs into his finger.

"It's evil!!" Obi-wan screeched about to chop it with his light sabre until Anakin cried

"No master, it's harmless, she doesn't like getting poked! Please Master calm down!!"

And this was one of the reason why Anakin Piewalker…I mean Skywalker, had fallen into the dark side of the force.

Youkai Of Hearts: That's it! I'm done and I shall never do something like this again or if my brother ever annoys me with that again!! I will scream in horror and write another one if he does.

Although I might write something like this again in another view months…

I hope you've enjoyed this and all

Youkai Of Hearts Out!!