Redemption

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or this world.

A/N: This takes place four years after the Blight. I was playing the game earlier today and finally decided to recruit Loghain. I had been holding off on it because I knew my PC would lose Alistair. Anyway, this is after that event took place. I apologize if Alistair is OOC, he will be more in character as the story progresses. This is the first fanfiction I have written in six years and I have no beta reader so forgive me if it's a bit rough around the edges and I hope you enjoy the story. :)

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The tavern was small and nondescript. Much like every other tavern she had stopped at in her travels. She was tired and sore after a day of walking and wanted nothing more than to find a place to camp for the night and collapse into her bedroll. But she knew that if she failed to show up for this meeting, Zevran would worry. He would never admit this of course, but he would make some excuse to find her camp that night no matter how well hidden she might think she was. She didn't know how he did it but he had managed to always know her location, sending her messages if he thought he had found someone she might consider for recruitment. So here she was pushing open the door to another drinking establishment. Her heart gave a leap of what could only be anticipation for the meeting. It had been a while since she had seen Zevran and she found herself missing him. Once she had finally made it perfectly clear that she would not be bedding him, he had become a very loyal and dear friend. He had been her shoulder to cry on in the days leading up to the battle with the archdemon; after Alistair had left. He had been the only one that could almost make her forget how much her heart hurt. She knew he wanted more than just a friendship with her but she was too bruised to let herself fall in love again. After the battle and coronation of Anora, she had declined his offer to travel with her, preferring to be alone with her thoughts. However, there were still nights that she missed the company of her friends…and missed Alistair most of all.

She pushed her thoughts of the ex-Templar and Grey Warden aside and glanced around the dimly lit room. The establishment was only half full at the moment but she knew it was still early yet. Her eyes scanned over the patrons, looking for someone who Zev might think a worthy candidate for the Grey Wardens and for Zev himself. She saw no elves among the customers and only one man who was not too old or too out of shape to consider. Her gaze came back to the man at the bar, his back was to her but he seemed familiar. His broad shoulders were slumped, and as she moved towards a table in a dark corner of the room she could see his long fingers wrapped around his mug of ale, his gaze staring down into its amber depths. His hair was long but clean and pulled back, held in place with a leather thong. He sported a full beard that hid most of his facial features and from this side angle she still could not place where she had seen him before.

Finally succeeding in winding her way through the small crowd, she unsheathed the daggers on her back and sat them on the table in front of her for easy access. The people here seemed harmless enough but she had found that looks could be more than deceiving in that area. Having the weapons out and easily accessible not only made her feel more secure, it also tended to deter any would be suitors. She leaned back in her chair and ordered ale she knew she probably wouldn't drink from the barmaid. Her eyes roamed around the room but kept returning to the man at the bar. Who was he? Why was he so familiar? She kept a constant watch on the door, waiting for her friend, but her eyes always seemed to gravitate back to the lone man at the bar. The barmaid returned and Emily nodded her thanks taking a small sip of ale. Her nose turned up in disgust at the bitter taste and she quickly set the mug back down. She had never been able to acquire a taste for the stuff; no matter how many times Oghren had made her sample his latest stash.

She sat for what seemed like hours, watching friends raise their cups in some kind of celebration, farmers enter from a hard day's work to relax and catch up on local gossip, and as the night grew later scantily clad women begin to weave their way through the crowd. She shifted her weight in her seat and looked once again at the door. Zevran had failed to mention just what kind of tavern this was.

"Punctual as always." A heavily accented voice commented from the vicinity of her shoulder and she jumped slightly in surprise.

"How in the world do you do that?" She asked with a smile as Zevran took the seat across from her. "I've been watching the door the whole time and didn't see you arrive."

He shrugged one shoulder and smirked. "I am an assassin that is what I do. It would be a very bad showing if the mark saw me before I sank my dagger in his back."

"Still in the business then?"

"It is hard to stay away from what one trained to do. But we are not here to discuss my…endeavors."

Emily nodded, letting the matter drop. She knew that Zevran had returned to his old ways of earning a living only now working for himself. She didn't begrudge him his choice of professions but couldn't quite approve of them either. "Where is this promising recruit you mentioned?"

"Why I would have thought it was obvious, my Grey Warden. Your eyes have rarely left him the entirety of the evening."

Involuntarily, her gaze returned to the man at the bar who was now swaying drunkenly in his seat. "Him?!" She asked incredulously. "Zev, he can't even hold himself up straight and you want me to test him for recruitment?"

"I rather doubt testing will be necessary."

"Oh you do, do you? Why is that? Have you seen him fight?"

"Many times." Zevran replied with a mysterious grin on his face. "He is quite formidable…when he's sober that is."

She sighed and shook her head. "I trust you, Zev, but I can't just recruit someone without knowing anything about their skill. It's true that our order is desperate for members but-"

"Do you truly not recognize him?" The elf interrupted with a raised eyebrow. "He has changed, yes, but I believed you of all people would know him."

Emily opened her mouth to respond but her voice failed her when she heard the man from the bar speak.

"I used to be a Grey Warden, you know." He was saying quite loudly to the bartender, his words slightly slurred. "I can sense darkspawn, you see."

"That so?" The heavy bartender placed his hands and his hips and glared at the man. "Then why don't you go kill some and give that stool a rest. You been sittin' there most of the day."

The man waved a hand in the hair in a dismissive gesture and let out a small belch. "There aren't any darkspawn around here. Besides, I'm not a Warden anymore. I quit. I couldn't stay, not after she…" His voice trailed off and he drained his mug with two huge swallows. "More ale!" He exclaimed slamming it back on the bar.

The bartender shook his head in irritation and refilled the mug, shoving it back at the drunk man. "That's the last one I'm servin' you. Finish it quick and get out, you're disturbin' my other customers."

"Give him a break, Silas." One of the barely dressed women pouted at the irate bartender, slipping her arm around the drunk man's shoulders. "He's had a hard time of it, he has."

"He's gonna have an even worse time if he don't get out of my sight." Silas growled. "I'm tired of looking at him and even more tired of hearing his stories."

"Is that any way to talk to a prince?" The drunkard asked, his voice getting even louder.

"I don't care if you're the ruler of Thedas; I'm not servin' you anymore. I've done warned you about making a ruckus the past two nights. It's bad for business. Now drink up and go." The man glared at the bartender but nodded and raised the drink to his lips.

Emily gaped in astonishment. "It can't be." She whispered, her eyes returning to her friend. "What…why?" She choked out, the fury building inside her.

"It is and as to why, I imagine you know the answer to that better than I do."

"No, I mean why did you bring me here?" Her voice rose in volume slightly and she had to force herself to loosen her grip on the hilt of the dagger she had not realized she had reached for. "Of all the…I thought we were friends, Zevran."

Zevran smiled sadly. "And so we are, my Grey Warden. I brought you here because he is the part of you that is missing. Deny it to me if you must but we both know it is the truth."

"How…how did you find him?" Her body relaxed back into her chair. She looked at Alistair across the room and now understood why he looked so familiar but so much like a stranger. He was the man she had fallen in love with but the years appeared to have been rough on him. Her eyes drank in the sight of him and memories flooded back to her unbidden. She recognized subtle signs that she was the man she knew; the long fingers wrapped around the mug in front of him, the muscular arms, the voice that had whispered words of love to her late in the night. He was now whispering words to the whore that was practically sitting on his lap and she was surprised to find herself jealous. She forcefully pushed those thoughts away and focused on the small assassin.

"It was not easy, let me tell you." He was saying leaning his elbows on the table. "Every time I would get a lead and investigate, I would always seem to arrive too late. It was almost as if he knew I was on to him. He never stays in one place more than a day or two. For some reason he has been here four days now. I sent you word not knowing if he would show up but I took a chance. It would seem my gamble paid off."

"Yes, I can see why he's stayed so long." She remarked dryly, watching as the woman threw her head back in laughter at something he had said. "What do you expect me to do? Go up to him and reminiscence about old times? Zev, he hates me!"

Zevran made a small sound of disapproval. "He does not hate you. He is still hurt, yes, but my sources tell me he speaks often of the love he left behind. He also speaks of his regret that he is not strong enough to return to her. So…I took the matter into my own hands, I hope you do not mind."

"Yes, he appears as if he misses me very much." She gestured to bar where Alistair was now letting woman feed him pieces of cheese.

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the appearance of a young man.

"I know you!" He exclaimed loudly, drawing the attention of almost everyone else in the tavern. "You're that woman…the Grey Warden! You defeated the arch demon and saved us all!" Emily made a small negative gesture and felt panic bubble in her stomach. Not now she thought. Dear Maker, not now. "Yeah, it is you. Wow, what an honor to meet you, the hero of Ferelden." The man grasped her hand and shook it as Emily grimaced. This was not the first time someone had recognized her but it was the first time she wished she could crawl into the ground and disappear.

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else." She managed say in between exclamations.

"No, you're the Grey Warden, I'm sure of it." The red haired man said with conviction. "I was there when the Queen-"

"The lady has said you are mistaken, my friend" Zevran interrupted in a dangerous tone. "I suggest you unhand her and return to your woman, she is looking quite lonely."

"I…yes, of course." The man stuttered and bowed slightly to Emily. "My apologies, my lady."

Emily nodded soundlessly and prayed that Alistair had not heard the small exchange. She tried to convince herself the man's voice had not been so loud and they were across the room from her former lover. Her eyes shot quickly to Alistair, hoping he was too far in his cups to have heard the commotion but felt her heart sink when she found him looking directly at her. Their eyes met and her breath caught when she realized there was no recognition at all in his gaze. He stared at her blankly as if staring at the wall. He blinked once and returned his attention to the woman beside him and Emily felt her heart break all over again.

"I-I have to go." She said standing and quickly sheathing her weapons. "I appreciate what you tried to do, Zev. I really do but please…don't do it again."

"If I have made you angry, I apologize." He answered, he too getting to his feet. He placed a hand on her arm, halting her. "I worry for you, Emily. Ever since the day he left, you are not the woman you were when I met you. The woman I met had compassion, mercy and a love for life despite the tragedies in her life. I merely thought to mend that that was broken."

Her hand covered his and she squeezed it tightly, gaining strength from his touch. "I know and I appreciate the thought but that girl is gone. She has grown up and realized that compassion and mercy are a double edged sword; and she's weary of being wounded." She shot one final glance at the man she had loved so much and made her way though the crowd, almost unable to find the door through the tears that blurred her vision.