Recovery

Cold, lonely and desperate, they would be the best words to describe the way Arthur felt right at that moment. He was all alone in his bleak apartment with his blanket half on half off him while he sobbed about losing the only good thing in his life, but he knew he deserved to go through this after all it was him who had pushed Eames away, it was him who had the problem. The problem that Arthur had stemmed from his childhood, when he was Neil McCormack, the problem exactly was that Arthur refused to get close or open up to anyone not even the man he loved. This was because if he opened up to someone about his past it became real all over again, it was too hurtful to dig up and Arthur had always just ignored that part of his life in a hope it would go away. But of course it never did.

And so when Eames finally snapped after a year and a half of putting up with Arthur refusing to answer any personal questions about himself, his past or his childhood Arthur really wasn't surprised. He knew how much it hurt Eames, he knew how much the forger took this personally like Arthur couldn't trust him. Eames loved Arthur and Arthur loves Eames. As soon as he thinks the word love he burst out crying and is reminded of what exactly Eames was for him, and he hopes Eames still is for him. Before the argument he was Arthurs rock, his support system , he was Arthurs comic relief when he was stressed, he was the one who kept Arthur warm during those cold nights, he was the one who made sure Arthur was eating properly and sleeping during the more difficult jobs, he was the one who filled the gap in Arthurs heart, but most importantly he was Arthurs soul mate.

Arthur knew he would have to come clean about his childhood in order to save their relationship, if it was still able to be saved. But the thought of finally opening up to someone about it nearly gave him a panic attack. After all the only person who knew about what horrible things Arthur went through as a child was Mal. Arthur never openly told mal but she had a way of reading people in certain situations and only after knowing Arthur for a month confronted him about it. He must have cried for hours and Mal was their every second holding and comforting him. Mal was their when Arthur had to revisit his old neighbourhood for his father's funeral, Mal was their when Arthur used to have bad nightmares and wake up crying, Mal was their whenever Arthur needed to talk to someone and now that she was gone Arthur couldn't talk to anyone about it. No-one else here knew what had happened to him and he intended to keep it that way. But now it looked like Eames might finally hear the story of how Arthur became the cool, calm and collected emotionless point man he is today.

Arthur picked up the phone with shaky hands, dried the tears from his eyes and dialled Eames number that he had learned by heart. Eames answered after the second ring.

"Hello Arthur what have I done to deserve this call"

Arthur didn't really know how to respond, he could sense a hint of annoyance in Eames voice and even considered hanging up but it was now or never.

"Hi Eames"

Eames must have heard the shake in his voice because the next thing out of his mouth was a very concerned "Arthur is everything alright" and just like that Arthur was babbling about how sorry he was.

"To be honest I'm not in the best, I have messed up and I feel like I have lost you but I don't want to lose you because I love you and I want to be with you and I know you deserve answers so if you would be so kind as to please come to my apartment whenever you feel like talking and I will explain everything as best I can but Eames I can't promise you will like what you hear"

"Okay I'll be there in 20 minutes alright darling?"

"Yeah okay see you then"

"Bye pet"

And just like that the line went dead and Arthur waited in the darkness, silent and bleak and thought about how in another 20 minutes he would be telling the only person he truly cares about a story that only one other person had ever known about and he wished desperately that Eames would still want him, still love him even if he was broken.