It's late when they get back within the walls, late and dark. The usual sombre atmosphere surrounds them, and Erwin's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice the people lining the streets to watch them. He keeps his eyes on the road in front of him, keeps his grip on the reins tight, keeps his face unreadable.
He only draws himself back to the world in front of him once he's sat at his desk, massaging the bridge of his nose with one hand and loosening the buckles on his three dimensional manoeuvre gear with the other. He tries to do some paperwork, tries to keep his head clear and his hands steady.
He gives up when the door opens and Levi quirks an eyebrow at him. He nods steadily and allows his hands to tremble under the desk, leaning back in his chair and trying to focus his eyes on the face moving steadily towards him. It's no use, but Levi's used to it and snaps his fingers a few inches in front of Erwin's eyes, startling the Commander enough to being him back. Erwin looks up at Levi silently. The shorter man pulls a face.
"You stink of sweat and horses. Haven't you showered yet?" He asks, leaning forward to brush the Commanders hair to one side with a cold hand. Erwin shakes his head as Levi sighs, but he knows the captain won't push it further. He zones out again as Levi leans back on the desk.
He's not playing back the events of the mission in his head, not thinking about what he would've done differently, he's not thinking at all, just letting the world drift out of focus and out of reach.
There's pressure on his forehead and he exhales deeply. He has to pull his eyes back into focus, and almost jumps when he sees another pair of dark orbs in front of his. Instead he breathes in and through the scent of soap and skin realises that Levi's resting his forehead against his own.
"You haven't even changed clothes." Levi mumbles, and Erwin shakes his head hesitantly, reaching a hand to his chest to undo the buckles. He fumbles for a minute, before hearing a sigh and feeling his hands pushed aside.
He leans forward when he's told and feels his jacket slipping off his shoulders, hears Levi talking about cleaning and bloodstains, feels cold air on his collarbones. He's still not entirely there. Leaning back, he sighs again. He closes eyes and feels Levi straddling him, sitting on his thighs. Erwin can hear him breathing. The rhythm is calming. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. It almost sends him to sleep, but the weight on his legs keeps shifting and it's hard to doze. It doesn't keep him awake, it just stops him going to sleep. It dawns on him that it's probably intentional, Levi's probably purposefully shifting his hips to remind the commander that there are things to do. They stay like that for a while, in silence.
Eventually he opens his eyes again and stares at Levi's face. The captain holds his gaze. Eventually he sighs.
"You should have a shower."
Erwin feels the words across his cheek and feels Levi pushing his shirt over his shoulders, undoing more buttons and working at the straps, ignoring Erwin's silent protests.
"Stand." Levi slides off of Erwin's lap and stands to one side. Reluctantly Erwin gets to his feet and stands unsteadily, swaying slightly to to his pulse. Levi groans out a quiet "come on you lazy bastard, or do I have to do everything for you?" but doesn't seem to expect a response, and strips Erwin of his shirt.
The cold air on his torso brings Erwin back a little bit more, and he looks at Levi once more as the shorter man takes him by the hand and leads him to the shower. He allows himself to be dragged along to his private shower room, glad that he doesn't have to deal with the other soldiers at this point.
He leans against the wall and struggles with the buckles on the leg pieces of his harness, his movements slow and heavy handed. He shoots a pleading look at Levi when he gives up, and hears the sigh, feels the familiar cold hands pushing his own away. He obediently steps out of the pieces he needs to, and doesn't protest when he feels Levi's hands undoing his trousers. He steps out of those too, unphased by being completely naked, and stumbles towards the shower.
The water's cold, probably because now all the other soldiers are using the showers too, but it doesn't seem to matter. He turns to reach for the soap, but Levi's already there, having rolled up sleeves, massaging it into Erwin's shoulders and back. Erwin sighs contentedly, but reaches up to wash his hair. He lets Levi's hands do the rest of the work, watching them as they dance across his skin.
He feels more aware when he steps out of the shower. He manages to towel himself off without falling over, although judging by Levi's smirk he's not entirely co-ordinated yet. He manages a smile as Levi brings him fresh clothes.
"These ones don't stink." The shorter man mutters, handing them over.
Erwin only puts the shirt on backwards once.
"You should eat something." Levi notes, reaching out to button Erwin's trousers after his fifth failed attempt. Erwin shakes his head and the world swims slightly. He shuffles out of the shower room, leaving the old clothes in a heap. Levi raises an eyebrow but remains silent when Erwin takes his hand.
They go back to the Commanders room and curl up on the bed together, forehead to forehead. Erwin feels Levi's breath on his cheeks. He closes his eyes, and this time Levi lets him sleep.
##
When Erwin opens his eyes the light filtering in the window is amber, and he can see the sunset. Standing, he moves smoothly towards the door to his office and finds Levi at his desk, stamping paperwork and filing things neatly. Erwin rubs his eyes and sighs.
"You should have woken me this morning." He says.
Levi doesn't look up, just shrugs and says simply, "you looked like you needed to sleep." Erwin chuckles lightly and sighs.
"What a waste of a day. I could have debriefed the men."
"I did that." Levi mutters.
"As well as all this? You spoil me." Erwin grins and Levi finally looks up.
"You better return the favour." He frowns and sighs, leaning back and stretching out his legs.
Erwin takes a few steps forward and closes the distance between them, resting a hand on the desk and drawing Levi into a kiss.
"I plan to."
Fin.
A/N- I don't know I have this headcanon that Erwin just sort of retreats into himself after a mission. Like he's not sad or depressed or angry, he's just not entirely there, probably because of exhaustion and shock and the relief of actually being back and alive. And Levi knows and sort of has to take over and do things for him. Gomen.
(also gomen for the britishisms- I know some of you hate the word 'trousers' but I didn't think they wore jeans and calling them 'pants' feels wrong to me)