Author's note: Well, here I am. This story takes place in the first episode of S1 (especially 1.05 and 1.06) and approximately 10 years after the finale. That's my first UB story about D/A. Is it because I feel so much like her? Anyway, enjoy ^^
Disclaimer: Don't own UB or any characters affiliated with its production. Any real living people mentioned in this fic are portrayed with creative licence. The song in the chapter is "Everytime we touch" by Cascada
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.
She sighed writing his name.
Again.
Then she tore the paper, furious.
She couldn't stop thinking about him. His eyes, his face… His smile.
A tear kept sliding down her cheek. She hated herself, she really did. She hated herself because she loved him even too much.
And for him she was just Monday's girl.
"Mum!"
The woman suddenly opened her eyes, worried.
"What? Are you OK, darling?"
Her daughter looked at her breathing deeply.
"What were you dreaming about?"
"Nothing, sunshine. Where's your brother?"
"I don't know. Around here, I guess."
"Oh God. Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Because you looked tired, mum. You are."
"I'm not…"
A sudden yawn betrayed her. "Ok, maybe just a little…"
"I remember now! Ryan was with a nice man" The little girl suddenly exclaimed.
The woman's heart skipped a shot.
"A… Man?"
"He said he was your friend mummy!"
She blanched, desperate.
"Try to remember, honey. Where's Ryan?"
After a while the blond baby finally answered "They're in the garden."
The woman rushed there but all her worry vanished when she saw the man.
"You're always the same" he said.
She tried to hold back the tears.
#
Wilhelmina Slater was talking about something but she wasn't listening to her, not anymore. That second, that avoided contact had broken her heart.
More than usual, anyway.
She could hear her heart falling in tiny pieces.
#
She had thought rationally about it, but eventually she was just aware that her bond with him, whatever it was, was destroying her from the inside.
She just loved him; she loved him much, so much, too much…
And she hated him too, because he didn't feel the same for her. Maybe he was just unable to love, or maybe she was just not his type. However, she depended on him, she depended on his look, she depended on his words…
And she didn't ask for more.
She was glad to be an everyone for him if she could breath his same air. She knew she had no hope to be the one for him, she perfectly knew; but something inside her heart never stopped aching.
She cried like a stupid little girl. She cried so much, as never before in her life.
She saw him everywhere. He was there, inside her heart.
Because she loved him.
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Once Marc had told her he didn't understand her behaviour.
"You deserve more, you know it too."
But she needed him, she desperately needed him. She simply couldn't let him go.
#
She had thought rationally about it, but she was just aware that her bond with him, whatever it was, was destroying her from the inside.
She needed so little time, so little care.
Sure, she was sad. She was desperately sad.
But she accepted it, she accepted everything.
She couldn't even image her away from him, she wasn't prepared to a separation.
And it made that separation so hard.
#
At first, when she didn't know who was Sofia Reyes yet, she had hoped.
She really hoped. She desperately hoped.
But all her love, all her feelings were just dust in the wind, nothing else. Nothing more.
#
He had chosen the worst way for breaking all her illusions.
"Well, that depends. Are you apologizing for something in particular?"
"Yeah. Making an ass out of myself with Sofia Reyes, the editor of MYW. l sent her a necklace as an apology gift, and she called me out on it."
"Oh. So the whole apology thing was about her, not me."
"What do l have to apologize to you about?"
She could guess that was the exact moment when he broke her heart.
All started slowly, by the way. Her world was ruining, but little by little.
She felt something crashing her heart, hurting her more than she could ever imagine.
And then she was dead inside.
#
Despite all, she loved him.
She couldn't be brave enough for closing that affair without an outside intervention.
And the intervention came, for God's sake.
#
Amanda Tanen wasn't such a brave person, she had never been.
But that day she wasn't herself, not anymore.
She was a wounded woman. Her world was crumbling little by little and she had to be brave.
She needed to be brave.
#
When she saw him, all her bravery vanished.
She just wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to tell him that she loved him much more than everyone in her life.
But she couldn't. She just couldn't.
#
"Surprise, right? You never even thought to consider me. I'm just a late-night call to you. You need to find whatever you're looking for, Daniel. I just know, now, that it's not me."
She felt so.. Destroyed.
But powerful, incredibly powerful.
But mostly destroyed.
#
Running on the sidewalk she felt that all her balance was ruining.
It was pouring and the tears mixed with the rain.
Then she suddenly stopped her running looking up to the sky. Her umbrella flew away and she remained alone under the rain.
#
Marc had immediately reached Amanda in her apartment.
He found her huddled on the couch, and even she wasn't crying anymore, her eyes were incredibly red.
"Oh, honey, I am so, so sorry." He had tried to console her.
"I've lost him, Marc."
"I…" He had tried again.
"I love him so much!"
"Oh, Mandy… It's going to be okay, you'll see."
"No, it's not. I'll love him forever."
#
And long after, somehow, she kept that promise.
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.
"Did you really broke mum's heart, uncle Daniel?"
He smiled sadly.
"I really did."
"How could she forgive you?"
But Amanda and the little Fey suddenly came and Daniel didn't answer to Ryan's question.
"Daniel for God's sake! I was going to have an heart attack, or something. You should have told me you were in the garden with Ryan."
"But you were sleeping so peacefully! Who's that beautiful girl?"
Amanda shook her head.
"Stop flattering her Daniel. Fey, he's uncle Daniel. A person to avoid, by the way."
"Amanda! Now she's going to think that I'm kind of a monster."
"Aren't you?"
He laughed.
"Of course I'm not."
Amanda picked up Fey smiling openly.
"By the way, I'm happy you're here."
"How's going?" He gently asked.
"Mmh, these little monkeys keep me very busy. But life is good."
Then they remained silent for a while looking at Ryan playing his ball.
"Are you happy?" He suddenly questioned.
She closed her eyes. Of course she was.
"I am." She finally answered "I like my life, now. I feel realized, I feel… loved."
"My brother is a good person, uh?"
"He's… Amazing."
"Good for you. Then I'm happy."
He smiled and she began to feel something in her chest.
Sadness?
Nostalgia?
She didn't know.
"Are you OK?" He asked again.
Amanda opened her eyes and stared at him. "I am."
In that moment, Fey exclaimed "Mummy, I want play too!"
Amanda clasped her stronger and answered "Sure, darling."
The she smiled seeing her daughter running.
"I am always worried for them." Amanda said after a while "You know, that constant fear… I just want them to be happy."
"You know, I remember when I met you." He smiled, answering "You were so young inside… And now you're an apprehensive mother!"
"People change, I guess. You, for example. You were an idiot at the time."
"I've hurt you much, I know." They was both serious now.
"You did. But you know what? It helped me. I'm so much stronger, now."
She was.
Her eyes shone for a second.
"I'll be there for her, Daniel." She was looking at her daughter "I won't allow anyone to hurt her."
Amanda crossed her arms, now smiling. "Especially men."
Daniel laughed.
"By the way," she said then changing the subject "we missed you and Betty."
"I missed you too. You, Tyler, mom, the babies… You should come to London, sooner or later."
"Maybe."
She looked at him. He had grown too, definitely.
Daniel Meade wasn't the same womanizer of years ago. Now he was a real man.
A voice came behind them. "Honey, I'm home!"
It took a few seconds before Tyler saw him.
"Daniel! You finally came!"
Seeing her husband coming Amanda breathed and whispered. "You know what, Daniel?"
"What?"
"Despite all, a little part of my heart will always be in love with you."
And then she reached Tyler, her husband, and kissed him.
Daniel simply didn't know what to say looking at his Monday's girl.