A/N: I decided I wanted to start a weirdly random series where Carlisle meets different commercials and nobody else can see them so he looks crazy. So, yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Free Credit Report dot com

Free Credit Report Dot Com

It was a normal day in the Cullen household. Except...

They say a man should always dress for the job he wants.

There was a singing pirate in the living room.

So why'm I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?

"NO!" Carlisle shouted. He had seen this singing pirate many times. "Pirate, if this is some kind of sign that someone stole my identity, could you just say so?"

That's what he said every day. But the pirate only ever answered with:

It's all because some hacker stole my identity.

Now I'm in here every evenin' servin' chowder and iced tea.

"Pirate, I have a good job! I highly doubt I'll end up dressed up like a pirate serving food to tourists."

"Oh, alright then." The pirate said. It was the first thing he said that wasn't that stupid song. All of a sudden, he was wearing an elf costume.

I was gettin' depressed 'cause of all the stress I was feelin' at home.

"Alright, go away you weird singing thing!" Carlisle shouted.

"I can't leave until you go to free credit report dot com!" The guy said.

Had a poor credit score and the number would haunt me wherever I'd go.

"But I have great credit!"

Thought I'd move to a place where my credit could stink and nobody would care.

"My credit doesn't stink!"

I just wish that somebody had told me that place was a renaissance fair.

Carlisle sighed. 'Hm, maybe Esme could get that annoying guy to leave for good.' Carlisle thought. "Esme!" He shouted. She came down.

"What is it, Carlisle?" She asked.

"I was wondering if you could make that guy with the banjo go away." Carlisle said.

"Er, what guy with a banjo?" Esme asked.

"That guy!" He said. He turned around to point at him, but he was gone. "Oh, er, never mind. Sorry."

"Oh, that's fine, dear." Esme went back upstairs. Finally, the annoying guy was gone!

Free credit report dot com. Tell your friends, tell your dad, tell your mom.

'NOOOO!' Carlisle thought. 'Maybe I'll just go to that stupid website.'

So, Carlisle went to free credit report dot com. And, guess what? His credit didn't stink!

"Ha! I told you singing pirate! I told you I didn't have bad credit!"

"Yes, Carlisle. I never said you did have bad credit, I said you should go to free credit report dot com. It's my job. Well, time to go next door!" The annoying guy said, and then he disappeared.

Meanwhile...

"I swear, if he wasn't a vampire, I would have dragged him off to a mental asylum last week." Esme told Edward. They were watching Carlisle tell a singing pirate things about his credit.

"Last week? I would have last month!" Edward said.

A/N: So, did you like it? Was it stupid? Is it worth doing another one where Carlisle meets.... no, I won't tell you. It'll be a surprise if you want me to continue. However, I will give you a hint! Here it is:

Tell me who's watching.