Spoilers for Season 6 I guess. episode 9 was devastating, and this was running through my head, so I decided to let it out. I've never really written (or published) in this style before, so I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, not all wishes come true, so I still don't own Bones. I do however own my brain (thank goodness) and the laptop that I am typing this on.

You knew. You knew from the very beginning that you would end up hurt. That's why you resisted him for so long. His attempts to break through your shell; tear down your walls. But eventually you let him in. you began to enjoy him, his company.

Before him, you were perfectly fine with being alone. In your mind, there was nothing wrong with it, because it was your choice. And then he came in and messed with your perspective and now all you feel is lonely.

You know it's mostly your fault. And that's what hits you the hardest. If you'd just said yes, given him just the slightest chance, there would probably be no Hannah. You would have him forever, just like he once promised.

Now you go through the motions, finally realizing that was what you were doing before he came along, so isn't it fitting that you're doing it again now that he's left. You haven't seen him in weeks. Your interns now go to all crime scenes, and he never comes to the lab for updates.

You hate yourself because even though he's hurting you, you would give almost anything to see him, even for just a couple of seconds. Or to have him come in and check in on you. Make sure that you are eating enough and getting home at a decent hour.

You know you've lost weight. A considerable amount. You immerse yourself in your work, and it lessens the pain for a little while. And now you have no one to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

You haven't been to your apartment in three days, preferring instead the couch in your office for what little sleep you're getting.

You watch everyone around you become busier and busier with their own lives, while yours is crumbling to the ground. You haven't seen your best friend in over a week. Angela rarely comes into the lab anymore, focusing on her coming baby, and Hodgins is with her whenever he can be. Cam is busy helping Michelle with her college applications, and even Sweets has Daisy.

You're being left behind, and you can't help but think of your childhood. You know it's not the same. That if you really wanted to, you could see your friends, but you're just too tired to put in the effort.

You're tired all the time now. You don't sleep more than four hours in a night, the nightmares you can never remember once you are conscious keeping you from getting anywhere near enough sleep. All you know is that they have something to do with him.

You've built your walls up again, but they seem feeble, weak, compared to the ones you had before him. You feel so much now that sometimes it is hard to pretend that you feel nothing at all.

Up until now, you've stayed away from alcohol, knowing in the end it will only make you feel worse. But you saw him today for a second, just as he was heading out of the door to the lab. You figure he must have been talking to Clark, who was the intern of the day. And he looked fine. Normal. And that was worse than anything else.

So now you sit on your kitchen floor with an expensive bottle of vodka in your hands, thinking, deciding.

And then you've decided, and as you take that first burning gulp, the only thing running through your mind is fuck it.

A/N: I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this or not. But reviews are a great motivator, and they also make my day!

I just edited this chapter, because after reading over it again, I realized i made a slight grammatical error. Sorry!