All it took was one person from that project to live...and all the work was gone.
The hellcarrier was falling fast, and he had finally succeeded in putting the chip into the last slot, allowing them to override everything. The ships had begun attacking one another, as their plan was...it was working. He had been shot three times in his fight, one graze, one to the leg, and one straight in the back of the stomach, all from the man he once called his friend.
He was turning to leave when he saw him out of the corner of his eye. A beam had fallen down on top of him, he was most likely not fast enough to move out-of-the-way, considering he was probably dizzy from the other nearly choking him to death.
He looked and saw the man in the red, white, and blue uniform trying to lift the beam from him even though he was bleeding out, so much to a point his uniform was mostly red now.
The one under the beam was surprised and embarrassed by him helping him get out, by this wouldn't buy him any mercy.
Once he was out the man took his shield, the only defense he had, and let it fall through a hole in the glass at their feet.
''I won't fight you,'' he stated.
The soldier found this making his job easier, he refused to fight back, which he thought made the man arrogant, and began swinging at him, and all he would do was dodge them.
''You know me,'' he claimed.
The other found this comment made him enraged so he answered in hostility ''NO I DON'T!''
Finally getting him in the face he landed down on his back on the glass with the soldier on top, still hitting him.
He used his metal arm, making sure the punches were stronger and harder, he wanted to kill this man now, he had caused him so much trouble just because he thought he knew him...but he didn't.
It didn't take that long for the man's face to become drenched in his own blood, but he didn't give up, it confused the other one insanely.
''I'm your friend.''
He really wished he would stop talking, it was getting annoying, but he made a reply anyway.
''You're my mission,'' he said coldly.
''Then finish it,'' this oddly made the soldier hesitate to take the last blow that would kill him, what he said next made him completely stop ''cause I'm with ya til' the end of the line.''
He could hear a voice in the back of his head saying this, but it was a long time ago, it seemed distant, he couldn't make out who was saying it.
More glass shattered and the blonde haired man fell to the water below and disappearing into the darkness of it. This left the soldier holding onto the hellcarrier for a couple of seconds, but to him it was an hour. I hung there debating rather or not to follow behind the man into the river and save him. His last words echoed through his mind like a broken CD, he knew it had meaning, but couldn't discover the details about it.
Finally letting go of the bar he was holding he fell into the river as well, right before the hellcarrier completely crashed into another part of the water. The soldier swam down until he felt the man from before in his grasp and he clutched him pulling him out and onto the bay.
He looked at him curiously, only for a moment, then set off into the woods that stood before him.
The soldier didn't know how or when he got there, but nonetheless he was there and everywhere he looked there was a memory to go with it, making him confused and a little unaware of what was happening.
He found himself at a Captain America exhibit in a museum, he was looking at a picture of a man who was clearly him, but he was having trouble understanding anything about it.
All it took was one person from that project to live...and all the work was gone.
Even though he was in a baseball cap, jeans, and a jacket as a disguise, he was still recognizable. He flinched when he felt the tap on his shoulder, and tensed when he saw who it was.
One of the men registering memory swipes on him, had found him, he was instantly frightened, but like always, barely showed it. He didn't want to go back, he didn't want his memory swiped again, he couldn't handle them anymore.
He had got his memory swiped for years, and it was stressful. It was like having short-term memory loss, and each day you never had enough knowledge of yourself to be happy or understand much before you were forced to restart all over again.
No matter what happened, or how many times his mind was forced to start over, his memories always seemed to find him once again, flooding in like a tidal wave of sudden comprehension. Sometimes they irritated him, made him lose focus, and sometimes he secretly yearned for them, and when he did, they would be taken from him again, to learn once more.
The man was standing there in front of the soldier eyeing him.
''It was easy to find you, this is one of the places you go when you remember too much.''
The soldier became confused ''I've been here before?''
''Many times actually, of course you wouldn't recall that.''
He didn't want to go with him, right now it was his worst fear. He would've fought back, he does with others, he would've easily overpowered him, or even killed him to get away, but 'escape this' wasn't in his vocabulary. They made sure it wasn't. Everytime they swiped his memory, he was programmed to be passive towards HYDRA and what they told him to do, he was supposed to follow his orders like a good little soldier.
He had his memory erased again and again, for a long time now, and he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to remember, but he couldn't, even standing there in that room, some things were still fuzzy.
The man hurried him out, and he didn't say anything, he just kept looking around the room as much as he could, knowing he wouldn't remember any of this later.
Steve was sitting in his apartment at the table reading the files on Bucky that Natasha had given to him earlier. Each word was more unbearable as the next, and the pictures that came with them made it so much worse. It's not everyday you find out a person you were best friends with your whole life was nothing short of tortured for over 70 years, while you slept it off none the wiser.
It was very quiet in the room, except for some music he had playing in the living room. Certain words or phrases on the papers stood out more than others, such as 'pain' or 'memory swipe' and 'cryogenic', which explained why he didn't age.
Steve closed the folder, unable to look or read anymore of it, and he heard something outside. It was sort of rattle, like someone was on the fire escape by his window.
Moving slowly, he grabbed his shield from the hallway and moved out-of-the-way of the window, looking between the corner of the wall and the side of the blinds, he saw the quick image of a red star. Steve put his shield in front of him as bullets came bursting in from the window, and he moved himself forward.
The bullets stopped and lowering his shield, Steve saw a dark figure with a metal arm fleeing to another roof.
''Bucky,'' Steve whispered to himself and he chased after him.
He caught up with him a couple of roofs over, and Steve already understood somewhat that he had a memory swipe recently, based on the fact he was trying to kill him, and at the hellcarrier he seemed done with that.
''Hey, stop,'' Steve said loudly, but not a scream ''I had a feeling you would come to me,'' he added.
The soldier turned around to reveal his whole face instead of the usual mask he wears, his expression was hollow and void of life.
Steve set the shield on the ground and raised his hands slowly to show he was unarmed, and took a step forward to see how the soldier would react, and he backed away every time he moved forward, Steve thought that's what would happen.
''Do you know who I am,'' Steve needed to confirm if he had his mind erased again.
''My mission.''
That reminded Steve of the incident in the hellcarrier, and it kind of made him unhappy.
''Do you know me in any other way?''
''No,'' the soldier answered monotony.
''We used to be friends,'' Steve informed.
''I don't know you.''
''That's because things happened to you...your life was handed the short end of the stick...do you know what I'm talking about?''
''No,'' the soldier still had no emotion in his voice, and Steve was starting to think that maybe he always sounded that way now, I mean who wouldn't after everything he went through.
''Do you know what HYDRA did to you...and is doing,'' Steve asked cautiously.
The soldier's eyes went from bare to terrified in milliseconds and Steve could swear he saw them water the slightest, he replied the same word, but it was a whisper.
''No,'' he shook a little after saying that.
Steve needed to ask more questions and he didn't know where to start, he was just surprised that the soldier was letting him have a conversation. But that was not long, because Steve could see him pulling out a throwing knife and start moving into an offensive position.
''Do you remember fighting on the hellcarrier, I said something, and you stopped,'' trying to get him to not come at him with the knife.
The soldier tilted his head and scrunched his eyes slightly from either confusion or thinking.
Then he said very quietly ''line...end...end of the line.''
''Yeah, I'm with ya til' the end of the line,'' Steve said ecstatic that he remembered.
The soldier looked as if he realized something and stared at him.
''...You fell in the water, and I saved you.''
Steve actually didn't know this, but thought it best to act as if he did making sure not to make it harder for his friend to understand.
''Yeah, you did.''
He winced in trying to recall something, and it was clear he was pushing himself too far to gain back what he had forgotten.
''There's pictures...pictures of you...you and m-...you...there's pictures...at-at a museum.''
Steve knew exactly what he was talking about, there was a museum not far from where S.H.I.E.L.D. was, and they had a Captain America exhibit there, and having been there once, he knew there was information about Bucky featured in places.
''And I was there...but it's gone...it's gone...I know there was something...the pictures, there was something...you and m-m-me.''
Steve was amazed that he was putting the pieces together very well, but it wasn't to nice to hear him start to remember something else.
The soldier looked at Steve horrified ''...there was a train.''
Steve looked down in despair, he didn't want to hear his friend speak about his supposed death.
''There was a fall...and-and they...they took me...but...no,'' he was shaking and Steve was baffled by how easily this stuck a sensitive nerve for him.
Without warning the soldier screamed and the knife he had cradled in his hand was thrown missing Steve by inches.
Ducking to miss it, Cap looked back up and he was gone, he would've run after him, but after checking the area he was nowhere to be seen. Leaning his back to the railing of the roof he sat down and buried his face in his hands in frustration.
It had been a week since Steve had seen him jump off the roof and disappear that night leaving him there alone. He was beginning to think he might not see him again.
Steve was at the temporary headquarters for S.H.I.E.L.D. the same place under the bridge where Fury went to recover, and failing to tell most people, when HYDRA was taking over.
The place wasn't all that bad, some rooms were very nice and were used for main parts of the headquarters, but if you were to venture somewhere that was used less, it was damp and smelled of sewer.
Steve went outside to stand on the bridge for some fresh air and maybe to do some reflecting. He felt like there was someone there with him and he turned around to look just fast enough to catch the winter soldier charging at full speed towards him.
The soldier kicked Steve knocking him back a good distance. He stood back up just to have to evade the punches he was making.
Romanoff, Hill, and Wilson ran out of the building and stopped at the end of the bridge watching Steve and the winter soldier fighting. Natasha got her gun out and pointed it over at the soldier not really sure what to do.
''I got this Nat,'' Steve shouted.
She hesitantly put her gun back to her waist, but she still did it, and remained standing there with the other two. They stayed there witnessing this, probably to make sure no one got hurt in the middle of the fight.
The soldier was clearly starting to get agitated that Steve would not try to fight to hit him back, and he was punching harder, swinging the knives he was holding faster.
''FIGHT ME,'' he finally snapped.
''You're my friend, I refuse.''
''I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!''
Cap already knew Bucky obviously had his memory swiped again, but this had confirmed it, and it damn near made him cry noticing how often it happened.
''How many times have they done this to you,'' Steve asked quietly.
''Done what,'' the other said annoyed.
''Erased your memory?''
It pretty quickly was a bad idea to ask because the soldier trembled in fear hearing this and he almost cried, without a pause...he ran off.
Steve yelled at him to stop.
''You do know if you leave...they'll do it again.''
The soldier only turned his head and said ''I don't want to remember you,'' but both knew that was a lie.
Steve walked over to the three still waiting patiently for something to happen, and Hill looked at him curiously.
''Should we go after him?''
''No, it's fine, he isn't in the mood to be saved right now,'' Steve admitted.
''Is he ever,'' Sam asked serious.
''Yeah...when he doesn't run away.''
Another month had gone by since the winter soldier had shown himself, Steve knew that eventually he would come back, so he wasn't too worried.
Steve was having a morning jog with Sam, and he tried to stay slow so they could have a conversation, but at times he would still have to stop and wait for him to catch up because he got to far ahead.
''You know I'm with Romanoff on this, you really should get yourself a girl,'' Sam stated.
''Oh great, I'm getting this from you to now.''
''Well I'm just saying, I mean you ne-''
''Stop,'' Steve warned, he looked around the area carefully as if he was expecting something to happen.
''You hear something?''
''No...I feel like someone is wa-...there we go,'' Steve stared at some bushes and trees like he was making eye contact with a person.
''I know you're here...I saw you.''
The winter soldier came out from behind the foliage sporting a cut lip and bruised cheek, but no other external injuries.
Steve and Sam were confused to why he was there, and before they could ask he made an unbelievably surprising remark.
''I knew you,'' he said quietly, looking at Steve.
Cap tried his best not to smile, but he failed immediately.
''Yeah..we were best friends.''
''I...I knew you, a-and...they didn't want me t-to,'' he stuttered.
Sam stood to the sidelines wondering where this was going, and hoping it wouldn't go bad.
The soldier was clearly not sure what was happening, he was shuddering and terrified and he started walking off.
Steve approached him gently trying not to frighten him even more.
''Don't leave,'' he pleaded.
''I killed him...he can't...can't get me.''
''No, no he can't,'' Steve agreed.
Then he brought up the last thing Cap wanted to hear.
''I fell...they...they had me...and they...e-erased...too...t-too much...too m-many times,'' the soldier was strained and he winced grabbing his hair, he was trying too hard to remember and it wasn't helping.
''I fell...and you...you didn't save me,'' he murmured.
Steve at that moment couldn't hold back the tear that found its way out.
''I know, I know, I would've tried more...I swear if I knew you were alive, I tried...I swear I tried, but it wasn't enough. I though you were dead.''
''I am,'' the soldier said quietly.
Wilson was having trouble at this point holding it together, he had to see the pain in both men as they talked to each other, and it was agonizing.
What happened next was so much worse than Bucky recalling the train.
''HYDRA...they...t-they...cold...and damage...d-damage-''
His eyes abruptly rolled back and he collapsed to the ground convulsing violently, Steve and Sam watched in horror.
It was very short, Steve crouched beside him and felt his pulse, which was unaffected, but both knew what just happened, though they did want to deny it.
''Sam...did he just have a seizure,'' Steve stammered.
''Yeah, you saw that too?''
He was awake, but was unmistakably incoherent to everything around him.
''We need to get him to S.H.I.E.L.D.,'' Steve commanded.
''Do you think you can carry him,'' Sam exclaimed.
''I'm sure.''
It wasn't something expected to be sitting there in S.H.I.E.L.D. and hear Sam and Steve come running in yelling for medical help, and when you look Steve is carrying the winter soldier whose half conscious.
Steve sat in a chair outside the small room the soldier was in, there was a window into it, so he could see everything inside. He waited for him to wake up again, for he fell asleep shortly after getting him to S.H.I.E.L.D.
Fury walked up to Cap withholding news.
''Your instincts were right, he had a seizure due to brain damage. We're guessing by the tests that he doesn't even seem to have it unless he gets put under emotional stress. Now here's the thing, it shows that not only did he get head injuries, but he also has amnesia, now put those two together and add those memory swipes...I'm amazed he isn't a vegetable.''
A couple of minutes later after Nick had left Steve was still waiting in that same chair for a movement from his friend.
Finally he started shifting around in the bed and opened his eyes then sat up, and Steve got out of the chair and went to open the door.
Looking around taking in his site the winter soldier gazed at Steve taken by where he was at.
''...Where am I?''
''You're at S.H.I.E.L.D.,'' Steve responded, not sure if he was allowed to tell him, but did anyway.
The man furrowed his brow not understanding ''what am I doing at S.H.I.E.L.D.?''
''How much do you know about what happened today?''
''Not much, and I don't care, so now I will take my leave,'' the soldier said standing up.
Steve put his hands out making him sit back down on the bed, and he stared at Steve now enraged.
''Don't. Tell me. What to do.''
''You're here because you had a seizure, now rather you believe me or not, I'm your friend, and I don't want you hurt, so I don't think you really have any command in telling me what I can't tell you to do,'' Steve declared.
The soldier's reply was shocking, but for some reason still seemed plausible he would say it.
''...So?''
Steve was astonished to how little of importance this was to him.
''So?...You could've died, and your reaction is 'so'...what the hell?''
''I've been through worse,'' now that answer was oddly unexpected.
The soldier tried to get up again, but Steve made him sit back down, so he punched Cap in the jaw, and ran out of the room.
Steve stood up and grabbed his shield from is shoulders sighing, knowing there was going to be chaos.
An alarm saying the patient had escaped was buzzing on the intercom, and when Bucky broke into the room where his weapons were stored, and alarm saying the weapons vault was compromised replaced the previous.
Inside the room he took back his knives and guns, along with others that weren't his, but looked quite deadly and ran off. The thrid alarm said patient was fully armed and dangerous.
He got as far as outside the front door and guards surrounded him from all directions keeping him from going farther forward, or turning around.
Pointing guns at him Cap came pushing through all of them frantically to get to where his friend was at.
''Put your guns down, he's not a threat,'' Steve pleaded.
The winter soldier shot a glance at Cap saying 'I had this under control dammit'.
''But Captain sir, subject is armed with weapons.''
''No, subject is in emotional distress.''
''He's right, stand down,'' Nick Fury had joined the scene, and everyone instantly lowered the weapons.
''...Well Rogers, you gonna talk him down?''
''What...oh, of course,'' Steve mumbled.
Steve didn't approach Bucky, but he turned to him, and he was staring at him blankly. Steve wasn't exactly sure to say to him in this instance, so he just improvised.
''We're here to help, so if you could go back inside that would be great.''
''I don't need your help.''
''Well I'm not leaving here without you,'' Steve referenced.
He looked down trying to figure out where that phrase originated, but he couldn't, instead his mind replayed over the last memory he was gaining back.
''You...you let me fall...the train...y-you let me fall,'' he whispered.
''No, I didn't...I reached for you, I couldn't get to you in time, I told you I tried,'' Steve said tears threatening him again.
''You could've done more.''
Steve always blamed himself for Bucky's fall on the train, no matter how often people told him it wasn't.
''Why didn't you look for me,'' the soldier choked out, eyes watering ''what...they did...''
Before Cap could reply his knees buckled and he plunged to a sitting position trembling violently.
His eyes were rolling back, but Steve knelt in front of him and calmed him down before his whole body could completely drop to the ground and seize.
''You don't need to think about that, it's not going to help, don't think about it okay...okay,'' Steve insisted.
When his shaking subsided he looked at Steve with heavy eyes, but at least they weren't rolling back anymore, or trying to.
''Could I..I...w-water,'' the soldier rasped.
''Yeah.''
Steve handed a water bottle over to him, he took a couple sips, and then gave it back apparently done with it.
Cap helped the soldier get up and they brought him back inside in the room he was in earlier, then layed him down on the bed, and he fell asleep quite fast.
He was out all night, and Steve found it easier to sleep on the small couch in the room instead of going home or staying in the hallway.
It became a good idea to sleep there when Steve was awakened in the middle of the night to Bucky convulsing from his second seizure within three days, he really needed to stop trying to remember what happened to him, and just let his mind gain it back naturally.
When he fell limp again, Steve checked his pulse and breathing, then moved to him to lay on his side, making sure his head was under the pillow properly, he was kind of thankful he didn't jolt himself around
too much every time so far.
Several minutes later, he sat himself up and swayed a bit, but then proceeded to stand up, and almost fell back down, thankfully he held onto the bed which was next to him.
Steve was sitting on the couch watching him ''you good?''
''I am breathing, aren't I.''
A bit more time went by and the soldier was fully aware again, and was walking around the room in circles hitting the walls now and then. Everytime he would punch a wall, alarms would go off, and it seemed that it would hurt his ears, because he would wince and look down holding both sides of his head in agony, but when the noise stopped, he would hit the wall again regardless.
''Let me out,'' he demanded.
''We can't let you out til' you get the medication you need.''
''I don't need another specialized group pumping me full of drugs,'' he said hatefully.
''This isn't HYDRA, we won't hurt you, we're here to help,'' Steve reassured.
''I already said I don't need help.''
''Some people would beg to differ,'' Steve argued.
Cap knew that if the soldier wanted out of that room, then he would've gotten out, he wouldn't fight him, and the soldier knew that. Unless he thought in this condition he couldn't have done it, but that wasn't a plausible option, he may not have the personality or appearance of Bucky, but he sure was just as damn stubborn.
The soldier took out a knife and dug it into the wall across the room, Steve grasped it and removed it leaving the damage left to be seen.
''I'll be taking that...we can make that 3 weapons we've missed.''
The black widow walked in carrying a tray that had some pills on them, and a cup of water, she set it on the table and the soldier came up to them. He looked at them furiously then threw the tray onto the ground.
''I don't need them.''
Natasha and Steve sighed in frustration.
''...I'm sorry...,'' the soldier broke in.
''What,'' Steve said a little unsure of if he was hearing things.
''I'm sorry I shot you,'' he stated making eye contact with black widow.
''You forgot an important word in that sentence...twice.''
''I am sorry I shot you, on both occasions,'' he corrected.
Romanoff gazed at him for a short moment, as if to make sure the apology was sincere ''accepted,'' then she left the room calmly.
S.H.I.E.L.D. sent a second batch of pills, but this time Fury accompanied them, upon arrival he turned to Steve.
''Leave the room,'' he ordered.
''Don't be too harsh on him.''
''I cannot promise that, but I am aware of his limits, and I will make sure I do not pass them,'' he acknowledged, then shut the door.
Steve sat on the chair in the hallway again, and watched the scene unfold in mute.
Nick motioned to the tray on the table standing face to face with the winter soldier.
''Take the pills,'' he said seriously.
''You have no authority over me.''
''Listen, the only reason you're being treated as a patient and not a criminal is because of Rogers, I'm not your friend, we don't have a past, so I'm not afraid to threaten or injure you no matter how bad your condition is. Now take those damn pills before you see me prove it,'' Fury advised viciously.
Without the expression of cruelty leaving his face he downed the pills upset, and Nick left the room.
The pills were to calm his convulsions and make them less dramatic, and to shorten his span of time of confusion afterwords. He complained about having to take them, but secretly was thoroughly thrilled that night he did, when he had his third seizure and it didn't last as long, and he recovered a lot faster.
Almost a week had gone by, and the soldier never tried to escape since he first showed up at S.H.I.E.L.D. He did what he needed to do so everything could get done, and he hadn't had any episodes in a couple of days, he actually was a lot better. However he was still always annoyed or irritated.
Getting tired of being stuck in the room, he started throwing items, pacing around the room, and yelling at every little thing that was said to him or happened. It was clear he was strained being in that room for that long and Steve could see it.
''I want out...NOW!''
''I don't know if you're allowed,'' Steve pointed out.
''Ask.''
Cap went to Nick and did so, he mentioned how he was doing fine physically, and he hadn't been fighting against them or anything, and it was getting ridiculous to still have him down there, maybe just take him outside for a while.
Nick agreed, but said they were not to leave the city and Steve understood. Saying the soldier was ecstatic would be an understatement.
He got outside with Steve and it was plain quite instantly that being outside made him relax greatly, and he wasn't as distraught.
Leaning their arms on the railing of the bridge Steve and Bucky stood next to each other taking in the surroundings of the area, and breathing in the air, the silence was very composed and they could feel it.
Suddenly breaking the quietness Bucky hesitantly spoke.
''...I've been...remembering alot now,'' he confessed.
''Why didn't you let me know,'' Steve asked curiously.
''I'm not exactly sure, I think I was too busy with cabin fever down there.''
''Well...how much do you recall.''
''Some of us being together over are lives, after joining the war there's less, but enough for us to act like we're friends.''
''Act,'' Steve questioned.
''No matter how many memories I gain back, I won't be the same person you knew,'' Bucky admitted.
''I know, and I'm fine with that.''
''I do however remember how scrawny you used to be,'' Bucky said in a half-smile, and it was most likely that would be the most happiness he could ever show.
''Oh, if you wanna go there, I could mention your badly needed haircut,'' Steve joked.
''Do you really think I would've been able to get one.''
''Good point.''
''I think I'm going to leave after this,'' Bucky announced.
''What do you mean?''
''Take off, go on my own, see what's out there...S.H.I.E.L.D. assured me I'll be okay as long as I don't put myself under stress...but you don't need to worry, I'll keep in contact, because I'll know where to find you,'' his voice was slowly becoming less monotone.
Steve randomly was reminded that the first time he saw Bucky after the hellcarrier ordeal that he said he went to the museum and read about them.
''How much do you remember about the Captain America exhibit at the museum?''
''There's a Captain America exhibit at a museum,'' he said obviously not getting anything from that topic.
''Yeah.''
''...Am I in it?''
''Yeah.''
''Well then what are we doing here,'' Bucky pondered.
They walked up the steps to the building, and Bucky realized something suspicious.
''How do you know I'm in there?''
''I've been here before,'' Steve muttered.
Bucky cocked an eyebrow.
''Hey, it's better than photo album,'' Steve confided.
They made their way inside and Bucky stopped at the first picture, it was Steve and a man standing next to him, and he turned to his friend.
''That's me...isn't it?''
Steve nodded confirming his thoughts.
Next, they saw a display of mannequins wearing their war uniforms and Steve chuckled at the fact they had replaced his with a replica to make up for the one he took a while back.
''I remember this uniform,'' Bucky marveled at the pictures of them behind the display than panned back to the outfit ''just not what for.''
Bucky made sure they saw every little thing that was there, even if it wasn't that relevant, he wanted to see it, and it made this field trip take forever.
Finally they sat down to a screening of a film that was bits and pieces of recordings from the 40's of Captain America and others. It was a small room with benches to sit on to watch the movie, and it was a comfortable feeling being there.
When it got to the specific recording of Captain America and his wingman laughing together, Steve looked over at Bucky, who shed a single tear.
''I can never be that anymore.''