A/N - so this is the first chapter of a short AU story about our favourite Captain and his Soldier.

Steve is the priest in his childhood parish and Bucky is his friend and one of the parishioners. Things between them heat up after some secrets are revealed.

Comments are always welcome.

Hope you enjoy

Father Steve tries to focus his mind on prayer as another lazy Saturday afternoon drags on with him spending long hours in the confessional waiting for the occasional parishioner to come and pray for forgiveness. Like every Saturday Steve wonders if it was a smart decision asking to be the priest of his childhood parish. He wonders if the parishioners don't want the kid from down the street listening to their confessions. He is awakened from the gloomy thoughts by the opening of the side doors of the confessional.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Steve is surprised by the voice coming from the other side of the partition. He's known that voice all his life, and in the last three years he'd spent as the priest here he'd never heard it in confession. He looks up and, since the doors of the confessional weren't closed all the way, he can see the face of his childhood friend, James, bent down, waiting for his response.

"Yes, child. How long ago was your last confession?"

"Last week."

The answer surprises Steve, it is not usual in this day and age that young people go to confession that often. Worry creeps up in his mind, but he remembers his role in all of this and tries to switch from being a friend to being a confessor. "I see. And since then have there been things that have weighed on your soul?"

James is quiet for a while and Steve is about to ask him if he is ok when James quietly whispers, "Yes… I have been fighting with this thing… this thing inside of me… this demon."

Steve's worry deepens. What could be bothering his once best friend that he hadn't noticed? Has he been so blind that he hadn't noticed his friend's suffering? "Each of us faces our own demons but can you explain yours? How are they affecting you?"

James' answer comes out as a rushed whisper, "It's the demon of lust, and craving, and hunger… It's always there, always in me, whatever I do, however I try to quiet it, it never goes away."

Steve is taken aback but soon recovers and asks, "And what is it that you crave?"

"It's a person I know that I crave. And I keep fighting it but I am growing weaker with every breath."

"Why do you fight it? Wanting someone is not a sin, unless she is not free to be wanted. Have you tried talking to her?"

"It's not… I mean, I can't, I can't, ever."

"So she is taken?"

"No." This answer confuses Steve, and James stops the sentence there. Steve decides to wait for the rest of the explanation even though his mind goes a mile a minute considering all the options. He listens intently and can hear James start to speak a couple of times, but each time the words die on his lips and are replaced by a sigh and a lowering of the head. When James does continue the words are barely audible, "It is not a woman."

Realization hits Steve square in the chest and his heart breaks a little for his long time friend. James is in love with a man and his own beliefs are at war with his feelings. The situation must be tearing him to pieces. He can see James cover his face with his hands and can hear him murmuring to himself. Steve then does something that he was warned not to do, he addresses James directly, "Bucky, it's ok."

This statement startles James and he gets up to leave but Steve continues, "Please, don't go. Let's just talk. Come on." James returns to his seat and turns to face the partition.

"I bet you now find me disgusting and you'll start telling me how I'll burn in hell. Well, go ahead. It's not like I haven't heard all of it before, and it's not like I haven't been telling myself that for a while now."

The pain and bitterness in his voice worries Steve and he chooses his words carefully, "We can't choose who we love." James is surprised by what he hears, and is about to throw back some derisive remark when Steve continues, "I know what Church says about this, I know. But I also know you. I know you wouldn't be this affected by a fling or a passing thing. You must really love this person, and love is never a sin. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, this must be excruciating for you."

James breathes a sigh of relief and starts to explain, "It's been… well, it's not been easy I can tell you that. The last year has been the worst year of my life and there's no one to talk to."

"And you said you haven't told him, you haven't acted on your feelings?"

"No, I can't do that to him. It is enough I hate myself, I couldn't bare it if he hated me or worse if he returned my feelings and ended up hating himself. He is also a Catholic and I know this would not go well with him."

"Can I ask you something? It's rather personal, so I'll understand if you don't want to answer."

"Ask away, it's not like things can get more awkward than this."

"Have you had feelings like these before, towards men I mean?"

"No, never."

"So, this guy must be something special to make you fall in love with him like this?"

James smiles for the first time since entering the confessional, "Yes, he is. He is kind and understanding, smart and funny and polite… Yea, can't really say anything bad about him."

"Except that he doesn't see how you feel about him."

"That might be the best thing about him..." James and Steve are both quiet for a while and James is the first to break the silence, "He just pops up in my thoughts all the time. I can be playing the piano and suddenly it's his fingers I see on the keys moving deftly. When I cook I catch myself wondering whether he would like the taste of the meal I'm preparing. And the nights are the most difficult. I lie in bed and try to fall asleep but I am constantly haunted by the idea of falling asleep in his arms, feeling his chest rise with every breath against my back, the palm of his hand on my chest keeping count of my heartbeats…"

Listening to James, Steve suddenly feels crowded in the small confessional, hot and unable to breathe. It is like the spoken words have created a world before him and the world is beautiful. He is surprised that he can see the life James would create for that man and even more than that, he is surprised that he feels angry that James can never have that.

After not haring anything from the other side of the confessional James starts apologising, "I'm so sorry, Steve… I mean father… Are you ok?"

"Oh, hmm, yes, I'm sorry." Steve fake coughs trying to calm his voice. "I'm ok."

"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't be talking about this here."

"It's ok. It's what you feel. And I understand. I truly do understand the temptation of both the flesh and the mind. Those things are not foreign to us priests. But we all must know how to prevent those thoughts and cravings from taking over our entire lives. We are more than our skin, more than our lips and our eyes. We're more than our physical bodies. We are more than the excitement and the hunger we feel. We must fight that. We should try and re-focus ourselves. We can perhaps try and find solace in other things. Reading or perhaps music for you."

"I will try."

"Good. And know that whenever you need someone to talk to I am here for you. Whenever you feel like it's getting to be too much, you can come to me, both here in the confessional or out there. For now your penance is…"

When James leaves Steve stays in the confessional trying to come to grips with this thing he has just learned about his oldest friend. The nature of the confession asks of him to forget what he's learned and not to allow it to affect his behaviour towards the man outside the confessional, but how can he forget? How can he ever look at James and not see the things inside? How can he not try and find who has captured his heart when saying the mass? He will need to work hard on this.

A/N 2 - chapter 2 should be out soon.

thanx